You Gotta Go There to Come Back
by Ryleigh04
Summary: It had been 54 weeks since she had dropped off the face of the planet, 378 days since she had ceased to be Andy McNally, 9,072 hours since she had been a police officer with the 15th division and 544,320 minutes since she had talked to the man she loved.
1. Prologue

Hey all! So, this is my first Rookie Blue fic, hope you like it! As always feedback and suggestions are greatly appreciated! And, of course, I own nothing

Prologue

Whispers spread like wild fire as Andy McNally walked slowly, brokenly, into the office one morning. The rookie looked slightly disheveled, still wearing her dress from the funeral. Her eyes were red rimmed from crying, the past week had been hell and it was finally over.

The call had come late one night when Sam and Andy were out on patrol; shots fired at a known crack house. Sam and Andy were the first on the scene but before they could take a few steps out of the car shot started to fire again. They immediately took cover and called for backup; it didn't take long for them to arrive along with the swat team. They finally were able to storm the house; they shot tear gas, hoping to avoid as many casualties as possible. Nothing, could have prepared Andy for the sight that greeted them. Bodies, everywhere…some were shot, others looked strung out, and you couldn't tell if there were alive or dead. They fanned out to search room by room. Andy walked slowly up the stairs listening for any sounds of movement. The upstairs was eerily silent, making her unsteady and nervous. She went room by room and it wasn't until she checked the last room that she let out a sigh of relief that she hadn't know she had been holding.

It was then that that she felt the cool blade of a knife on her throat and a vice like grip on her waist. The voice that whispered in her ear was one she recognized, one that she never thought she would hear again. "Make a sound and I'll slit your throat."

"Mom?" Andy's voice was barely a whisper. This couldn't possibly be happening; her mother couldn't possibly be here after all these years.

The blade cut into her throat and blood trickled down as her mother moved them towards the stairs and began to walk them down. "Don't call me that. I haven't been your mother in years. I never wanted you. Her mother laughed cruelly, "I can't believe your father never told you."

Tears began to slide down Andy's cheeks; they got to the bottom stair and were stopped by at least 10 cops with their weapons drawn. Andy's eyes found her partners, Sam looked back at her sadly and she knew they had heard every word. Her mother's grip tightened even more, "Weapons down or I'll kill her."

For Andy, the rest happened in a blur. She vaguely remembered negotiations for her release, her mother's cruel laughter, stumbling backwards to the door while her own mother held her captive. Finally being pushed to Sam as her mother ran and jumped in a waiting car. She blacked out after that, waking up in the hospital later that night with her throat bandaged and Traci at her bedside. Traci told her that she had collapsed in Sam's arms and he carried her to the waiting ambulance and rode with her and only left a few minutes ago to get some coffee. Tears filled Andy's eyes, "And my mother?"

"Gone." Traci said, "We're looking for her and trying to figure out her connection with everything."

Andy was kept in the hospital overnight for observation. Sam stayed with her the whole night, neither one really felt like talking, just the fact that he was there helped keep Andy from going crazy. Ever since she had broken up with Luke, she and Sam were in this weird place. They were partners but not quite friends, neither wanting to make the first move to begin a relationship. Andy was released the next day and Sam drove her home. That next few days were extremely difficult, she avoided talking to her father as much as possible, and she could barely stand to look at him after he had lied to her for all these years. Doing her job became difficult too, Sam tried to shield her from as much of the gossip as possible but she could still hear the whispered conversations.

They were still looking for her mother. As it turned out Jane McNally or Sarah Jane Clark as stated on her birth certificate had a rap sheet a mile long, with several drug related charges as well as assault and armed robbery. Her record was spotted with shorts stints in rehab, she never lasted long. They lost track of her for a while, most likely around the time when she had Andy but she always turned up again. After that it looked like she had turned to the selling aspect as well as the using. Sarah Clark looked young and she made a habit of hanging out around local high schools where the kids were most receptive to the drugs. It nearly killed Andy to read all these awful things about the woman she called mom.

Then one day everything changed. Andy had just come home from work and was looking forward to a nice hot bath and going to bed early when someone began pounding at her front door. She considered ignoring it, but it quickly became clear that this person was not going away. Andy opened the door and her eyes widened in fear. Her mother was standing before her clutching her stomach. She was covered in blood, the wound on her stomach fresh. "Andrea, help me." Her mother choked out as she fell into Andy's arms.

Andy fell to the floor in the doorway cradling her mother. She ripped off her sweatshirt and pressed it to the bullet wound. Her mother drifted in and out of consciousness as Andy picked up the phone and called 911. Andy sobbed quietly, trying to keep her mother talking. Jane tried her best to keep talking and not fail her only child again, but the pain was too great. The sirens blared in the distance getting louder by the second as Jane pulled her daughter close and whispered in her ear. Andy nodded, the tears falling faster as she clutched her motherly tightly to her. Andy heard several doors slamming and Sam and Traci and several other coworkers shouting her name, but she didn't move. Her mother had gone limp in her arms a small smile still on her face from her last words to her daughter.

"McNally?" Sam knelt in front of Andy. He had led her to the couch a few minutes earlier but she hadn't moved or spoken a single word since they had taken her mother's body away. "Andy, I'm sorry but we need to know what happened." She looked at him for a moment, nodded slowly as the officers, her friends, took notes.

When she was finally finished Andy felt drained, physically, emotionally. Everyone started to leave slowly, Traci wanted to stay but Andy told her to go. Finally when she thought everyone was gone, she moved from the couch and stopped short at the sight of Sam, with a mop, cleaning her mother's blood off the floor. "I thought you left." Was all Andy could say.

Sam looked up at her; she looked like a scared little girl. "I didn't want you to be alone."

"Thank you." She said softly, "I need to take a shower."

Sam answered her unasked question, "I'll be here when you're done."

And he was. He stayed with her and held her while she slept and while she cried. He stayed with her and didn't argue when she felt compelled to plan the funeral. He stood steady as a rock next to her doing the funeral. Whenever she needed him he was there, whether or not he understood why she felt the need to plan the funeral, it didn't matter. He never left her alone and he held her the whole time. They didn't talk about it, but by an unspoken agreement, they stayed every night at Sam's. Andy couldn't stand to stare at the spot where her mother died.

When Andy walked into the office after the funeral, she heard the whispers and ignored them as she walked purposefully into Best's office. Boyko had come from headquarters and also went into Best's office and shut the door.

"What's going on in there?" Shaw asked Sam

Sam looked worried, "I have no idea. McNally never said anything about talking to Best today."

Speculation increased the longer the three of them remained in Best's office. Everyone could see through the glass into the office. McNally was still speaking and both Best and Boyko had similar looks of surprise on their faces. The members of the 15th watched as Best and Boyko both spoke on the phone for a few minutes. They stayed in the office a while longer and finally all three stood and Andy walked out and came over and sat down next to Sam's desk. "What was that about, McNally?" He asked, sliding his chair over until he was right in front of her.

Andy ran a hand through her hair and sighed, "Nothing really; just tying up a few loose ends."

Sam looked like he was about to argue and press for details but seeing the pleading look on Andy's face made him stop and take her hand, "OK." He lowered his voice so they wouldn't be overheard." Why don't you take my car and head to my place, I'll be done here in a few minutes and I'll have Jerry drop me off and we'll make some dinner." Sam pulled the keys to his truck out of his pocket and handed them to her.

She smiled tightly and nodded, "That would be nice." And, really probably against her better judgment leaned forward and gave him a quick kiss and touched her hand to his cheek. "I'll see you in a little bit."

Sam blinked, surprised and also happy at her quick show of affection. Maybe they were ready for the next step in their relationship. Both Jerry and Oliver and a few other officers in the area were staring at Sam watching Andy as she walked away. They were all wondering the same thing. What was going on between the rookie and her former TO?

When Sam walked in to his house an hour later, she was curled up on the couch in one of his sweatshirts. He sat down next to her and she immediately moved to be next to him and Sam settled her on his lap, holding her tightly. "Thank you so much for being here for me." Andy said softly, "I don't think I could have done it without you."

Sam smiled, "Of course you could have, you're the strongest woman I know. But I wouldn't want to be anywhere else than with you through this." He kissed her softly then, not wanting to put to much pressure on her.

Andy groaned and wrapped her arms even tighter around him. He stood up while they were still fused together, holding her as though she weighed nothing and walked into the bedroom and gently lay her down on the bed, never breaking contact. He was next to her, kissing her everywhere while his hands explored. It wasn't until she started tearing at his clothes that he stopped, breathing heavily. "Wait, are you sure you're ready, Andy?"

Andy laughed softly, "I've never been more sure of anything in my life."

They smiled at each other and came together.

Later, while Sam slept, Andy reluctantly pulled herself out of his embrace. She slipped on his discarded shirt and crept quietly through the house to his balcony. She opened the door and stepped out into the cool night. She leaned against the rail and looked out over the city; her brain so full she could hardly separate one thought or feeling from the next.

Sam felt her leave the bed almost immediately. He heard her walk outside and he followed, pulling on his boxers as he walked. The sight of her clad in only his shirt took his breath away. _She's beautiful._ Sam walked up to her and wrapped his arms around her and kissed her neck. She leaned back into him, loving how safe she felt in his arms. "What are you over thinking about out here McNally?" He asked

She almost smiled at how well he knew her. "I'm scared." She finally admitted and she turned in his arms.

He brought his arms up to cup her face, "You want to know a secret? I am too a little." He kissed her then, "We'll just take this one day at a time."

The following week while Sam was at work Andy got to work. She packed up her entire apartment except for a few duffle bags and began to write letters that were harder than she ever imagined they would be to write. Best, Boyko and a select few officers who held ranking positions in departments throughout the state met at Andy's apartment in the afternoon the day before it was believed she would return to work. They arranged for all of her belongings to be transported to a secure location to be stored until a time when she would need them again. She was also given specific items to help her while she was away. And again she was asked if she was sure she wanted to do this. It broke her heart to say yes, but it was the right thing to do. They rest of the men exited her apartment leaving room for the movers to begin. Suddenly, it was just Andy and Best. "Take care of him." Andy said, both of them knowing she was talking about Sam, "Don't let him look for me."

Best shook his head; "You know that nothing on this earth will stop him from searching for you." His stomach turned sickeningly at what this poor girl was about to do. "We have several strategic plans in place in the event he ever gets close to discovering your whereabouts. You'll be spotted in a variety of different locations, far, far away from where you'll actually be."

Andy nodded wrapping her arms around herself fighting back the tears that threatened to fall. "I know this is the right thing to do. I want to do this. But, I hate myself for knowing that I'm about to devastate the people that I love."

Best had no response to that, undercover was never easy, but this operation took precedent. In any normal operation, you're division was normally aware of your location and you always had a contact. This time that was not the case. Andy was going in deep cover, alone. A select few knew who she was and what she was doing (and that was for her safety). The only contact she may have with superior officers would be if she were to get arrested and was able to call one of them for her one phone call. This mission was dangerous, more dangerous than anything they had ever tried before. But the rookie was adamant; it had been her idea. "Take this". He told Andy, holding out a cell phone. "It's prepaid, completely untraceable. The only number in here is to a prepaid phone that either Boyko or myself will have at all times. If you need to call us, it'll be safe for you to do so this way." He wished he would do more to help Tommy McNally's little girl.

"Thank you, sir." Andy said. They walked out together. Best took the remaining duffle bags that would be going with her and loaded them in to his car.

"These will be waiting for you in your new car at the location we discussed." He told her, "And, Officer McNally, Andy. Good Luck."

Andy nodded her thanks and turned away from her home and walked back towards Sam's house the tears falling swiftly down her cheeks.

That evening Andy met Sam and their friends at the Penny for a drink before they headed home together. It was hard for Andy to put on a happy face when inside she was dying, but she managed. Andy tried to make her last evening with Sam as perfect as possible, hardly able to let go of him for more that a few minutes. Not that he was complaining mind you. The next morning he needed to leave for work before her because he had a few briefings before parade. But as they had every morning since they began their relationship, Andy sat on the counter while Sam cooked breakfast and they drank their coffee together and just talked. Andy tried so hard to smile and not show her inner turmoil, but it was getting harder by the second. She needed him to hold her one last time. She set her coffee down and hopped off the counter, she reached under his arm and flicked the burner off. At his questioning look, she pulled him to her and they walked together back to the bedroom the breakfast forgotten.

Sam rushed into the precinct later that morning nearly late for his briefings with guns and gangs. But it was worth it. Andy was worth it, god he loved that girl and he couldn't wait to tell her. Maybe that evening depending on how her first day back goes. Sam watched the locker room door as Traci and Noelle came out, he looked everywhere for Andy but didn't see her, he was starting to get worried. He asked Traci, Gail, Dov and Chris but none of them had seen her. Parade started and assignments were passed out, and it wasn't lost on anyone that McNally's name hadn't been mentioned at all. Before anyone could even question it the alarm sounded, and all available units were requested for a standoff in downtown with a possible hostage situation. Sam's adrenaline started pumping and while his worry momentarily subsided that didn't stop him from continuing to try Andy's phone.

A young woman with bleached blonde hair and bright green eyes that glistened with unshed tears watched from across the street as the doors of the police station burst open and the officers ran to the vehicles. She barely flinched as the sounds of multiple sirens assaulted her ears. Her attire was out of place at a police station, unless she was being booked for prostitution, but since she was no longer Andy McNally it was only fitting she dress the complete opposite of who she really was. And, Annie Clark it seemed had a taste for the promiscuous attire. She took long purposeful strides across the street hardly hesitating as she walked in to the precinct. She slipped unnoticed into the ladies locker room and placed a plain white envelope in Traci's bag. In the men's locker room she did the same to Chris and Dov's bag. She even stuck a letter in Shaw's bag. Holding the final letter and her rookie badge, she moved back out and walked through the near empty building to Sam's desk; where she set the envelope and badge. She turned and backed away exiting the building at a near run.

She stayed hidden in the parking lot next door to the 15th and waited. They all returned several house later, excitingly chatting about the busts of the afternoon. It wasn't lost on her the worried expressions on Sam and Traci's faces.

Back inside, they were all changing out of their uniforms, "Andy hasn't answered her phone all day." Sam said to Shaw, "I'm really getting worried."

Shaw shrugged, "You know McNally. Maybe she just needed an extra day."

Sam wasn't buying it; he had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. The battery on his cell had died so after he changed he walked out to his desk to use the phone there when he noticed an envelope with his name on it and a badge. His heart dropped in to his stomach, _Andy's badge. Oh god, what did she do?_ He tore open the envelope.

_Sam, _

_Writing you this letter is literally the hardest thing I've ever had to do. There is no easy way to say this but I had to leave. I wish I could say everything that I feel in this letter. I guess the simplest explanation would be, I needed to get away and I'm not sure when I'll be back. There are some things I need to do first. Please don't look for me. It's better this way. I know I have no right to ask you this but wait for me. I love you. _

_Andy_

He looked up into the eyes of Dov, Chris, Shaw and Traci. They were all holding similar envelopes. Behind them were several other members of the 15th who had seen the letters. Through an unspoken agreement they all bolted to the door, heading to Andy's house.

The blonde watched as her friends ran to their cars and took off down the street to her old apartment. Knowing what they would find there she closed her eyes and steeled her courage and started the engine of the car and drive in the opposite direction, trying hard not to look back.

***FEEDBACK


	2. Chapter 1

*Thank you so much for all of the reviews, you guys are awesome. I know the idea is a little far out there and not everyone likes this type of story…but I think its fun so I hope you enjoy! This chapter is a little shorter that what I was hoping, but I'll try and post something more later today or tomorrow

Chapter 1

Andy McNally, aka Annie Clark's heart was pounding and she ran up the stairs of the abandoned warehouse trying to get to the roof. So far she had managed to stay ahead of the people chasing her, but there were so many locked doors and dead ends. Finally, she saw the entrance to the roof, when she got to the door it wouldn't budge. She slapped her hand on it in frustration. She was so close, she didn't lose so much and come this far for it all to be over now. Knowing she had no other option, she pulled out her gun and quickly fired three times in rapid succession at the lock.

"Shots fired!" A very familiar voice shouted, "All available officers respond to the 10th floor roof access, Alpha team cover the exits, suspect may try and escape from the roof."

_Shit!_ Andy thought, _They are a lot closer than I thought._ But knowing she had no choice she ran across the roof. Although she had practiced this jump a thousand times it didn't make it any less frightening. Knowing that she had no time to pause, she broke out in a full speed sprint just as the roof door burst open and at least 10 officers from the 15th division came running out shouting, "Police!" Andy kept running know she only had one shot. She sprinted and took a flying leap off the roof to the top of the building on the other side of the fence 10 feet below. She grunted with pain as she landed but she kept running across the next roof. She could vaguely hear the officers shouting into their radios her location. Andy ran faster until she reached the fire escape on the other side of the building, she ran down as fast as she could until she reached the second floor window, she kicked it shattering the glass. She ran through the building to where she had stashed the motorcycle (for emergencies). She could hear the sirens of the police cars as they attempted to surround the new building. She revved up the bike and accelerated as fast as she could, bursting through the door she had purposely left open. She swerved to avoid the oncoming cars and took off down the road, taking as many quick turns as possible.

Finally, she felt like she had enough of a head start to ditch the bike in an alley. She quickly changed her clothes with the extra set she kept in the compartment of the bike; as fast as she could she also tucked her bleached blonde hair in a red haired wig. Andy put her sunglasses back on and walked as fast as she could without raising any alarm to get as far away from the bike as possible. She ducked into a coffee shop and watched as no less that 10 police cars and SUV's sped towards where she had dropped off the bike. Andy let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding, _That was way to close. _She knew it was risky bringing her operation back to this side of town but what other choice did she have. It had been 54 weeks since she had dropped off the face of the planet, 378 days since she had ceased to be Andy McNally, 9,072 hours since she had been a police officer with the 15th division and 544,320 minutes since she had talked to the man she loved.

Later that day back at the 15th division in the men's locker room, Sam Swarek kicked his locker with enough force to have the rest of the men turning to look at him. "Son of a bitch!"

Shaw and Jerry looked at each other, "Alright guys, nothing to see here, get out!" Jerry herded the rest of the men out of the locker room. When the three were alone he turned to Sam, "What's going on Sam?"

Sam sat down on the bench in front of his locker, "I'm losing it guys." He finally admitted, "I keep seeing her everywhere lately."

They knew immediately he was talking about Andy. The absence of his rookie, his girlfriend or whatever the two of them had become had certainly taken its toll on Sam Swarek. They had looked everywhere for her. Traced her credit cards, did more illegal searches than were necessary and nothing. It was like she had just disappeared. Sam threw himself into his work, but refused to work with a partner, unless it was Shaw or Noelle. It had been more than a year and it just seemed like every day Sam found it harder to get through the day.

"Today on that roof," Sam began, "I hesitated, I had a shot as she was running, but I couldn't take it. I know the woman had blonde hair and she dressed nothing like Andy, but god I could have sworn that was her."

Shaw clapped a hand to his shoulder, "I know buddy, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought I had seen her around a few times lately, but you know its not her. We've got UC's looking for her, Jerry called in all kinds of favors for any information. If she was back in town, we would know."

"I know you're right." Sam said, "But I just don't get it. What changed in that week that would make her just leave? Her note didn't say a damn thing."

Jerry nodded, "Traci's didn't either. It's killing her that she could tell her best friend was about to do something so rash."

"Come on." Shaw said, "Let's go drown your sorrows in some good old fashioned whiskey. The rookies are buying."

Andy walked quickly up the side street on the other side of town. She was breathing heavily all of her senses heightened, her instincts telling her to run. But she couldn't, it was necessary to remain calm. Any sign of weakness and she could become a target. It was near the end, that much she knew. Soon she would be able to return to her life, what was left of it anyway.

She felt someone walking next to her rather than heard them. "Fuller and his crew got busted." The man said.

She quickly morphed her expression into one of anger, "God Damnit." Annie Clark said angrily, "How the hell did the cops find out? We've taken every precaution, limiting everyone to a need to know basis. Even moved the operations away from the south side."

"Hell Annie, I don't know." The man said, "But Damien is pissed. I don't think I've ever seen him so angry. He knows there's a snitch and he's not going to rest until he finds out who. We're all at risk."

"Alright Marky, thanks for letting me know." She said, "I've got a meeting with him in the morning, to set up the next sale. I'll talk to him then, see if I can't calm him down a little."

Marky turned at the next street but he stopped and called over his shoulder, "Be careful Annie."

When she was sure he was gone Andy dropped her angry expression, her mind in overload. Damien was right where she wanted him, now the question was how the hell was she going to pull this off and make it out alive?

She pulled out the disposable cell phone that Best had given her a year ago and sent a quick text then deleted the outbox.

Andy met Best in the alley behind the Penny. "Its getting closer, sir. Damien is getting angry, he'll start to make mistakes soon."

Best shook his head, "I don't like this Andy. It's getting to dangerous, lets just pull you out and you can finish the job here at the 15th."

"No!" Andy said fiercely, "I did not come this far just to quit now. I can do it. Let me finish this." She pleaded.

Probably against his better judgment, Best nodded. "But I mean it Andy, if they threaten you or if it looks like your cover is about to be blown you get the hell out of there. I don't care what you have to do. Stay alive."

Andy nodded and as the door to the Penny burst open and several of her former coworkers came stumbling out she quickly turned and ran the opposite direction.


	3. Chapter 2

Thanks for all the great reviews…I just wanted to clarify something in case it wasn't obvious…The prologue is set a little more than a year in the past and the first chapter comes back to the present after Andy has been undercover for a year.

Chapter 2

The next morning in Parade after Best had assigned the partners for the day, they were interrupted by a commotion in the hall and 3 men burst in. "We got a lead!" One of them shouted. Best knew what they were talking about and as much as he didn't want them to continue he had no choice.

"Go ahead Jefferson." Best said walking to the back of the room.

Jefferson, Matthews and Boyd were all part of the guns and gangs division but had recently been a part of a joint task force specializing in narcotics. When Sam had been undercover he did a lot of work with these men.

"About 10 years ago a huge group of drug runners formed, headed by this man." He pointed to a picture that Boyd had posted on the wall, " Damien."

"It has been nearly impossible to get information on this guy." Matthews said, "Anytime someone got close to finding anything out, they disappeared, it became to dangerous for us to even consider putting someone undercover."

Jefferson jumped back in, "We're still not exactly sure what's happening because we are no longer using UC's for Damien's crew, the risk is just to great. But, we have been working on finding out who is a part of Damien's inner circle. If we can single those people out there is a good chance we can get information that will help take him down."

"The problem is we've never been able to get close at all to finding out who is actually in that circle." Boyd said, "Damien's contacts go so far out that most of the time all the little people don't actually know who they are working for."

"So what changed?" Jerry asked from his place between Sam and Shaw.

The three men exchanged a glance, "We're not sure exactly. But basically all of a sudden arrests have been made left and right. Groups of people we never dreamed we would have been able to catch without some serious help. I don't know where our tips are coming from or how departments across the entire city have been able to make arrests, but either way we've been able to get quite a few people to talk about Damien and the people that he trusts." Matthews said

"We got about 5 names, that for the most part everyone agrees is part of Damien's crew but there is only one person that everyone without a doubt knows is the one that Damien trusts the most." Boyd said and he put a photo up on the wall, "Her name is Annie Clark. Her sister was Sarah Clark and after Sarah's murder last year Annie came to take her sister's place. We're having our sketch artist work on some drawings because so far the only photo we've been able to get of her are just side shots."

Best let out a sigh of relief, if they only have side profile shots then Andy would be safe for a little while longer.

"Now, I know you all had a bit of a run in with Ms. Clark the other day." Jefferson said, "From everything we've been told about Clark, she is very much a mystery, no one really knows much about her. We just got a confirmation on her name this morning and we're working on a background check right now and hopefully we'll have more information soon. If anyone does come in to contact with Clark do your best to bring her in. She could be a huge asset if we can get her."

Jerry and Shaw looked at Sam whose jaw was clenched. They waited until the rest of the division had left.

"You ok?" Shaw asked

Sam shrugged, "Why wouldn't I be?"

They wanted to talk more but Sam got up and walked out calling for Noelle who was his partner that day.

Across town, Annie Clark barely flinched as the chair flew by her missing her by just a few inches. "Really Damien is throwing a temper tantrum really going to help us figure out who the snitch is?"

Damien was breathing heavily, "I've gone more than 10 years without this kind of trouble. Then you show up and everything is shot to hell. So maybe its you and that's why your so calm." Damien pulled out his gun.

Annie looked at him coolly, "Oh yes, I'm the snitch. I'm the one who is helping the people who murdered my sister." She snapped.

That stopped Damien, he had forgotten that he had told her that the police were the ones who killed Sarah. "Well if it's not you, then who the hell is it?" He still hadn't lowered the gun; it was still possible that she had found out that it was he who killed Sarah.

"How should I know?" Annie asked, "You're the one who has gotten all cocky lately. Trusting people you shouldn't trust, like Fuller."

Damien paced angrily. Annie watched him walk back and forth waving the gun around; she wasn't out of the woods yet. "Look Damien, I had to jump off a roof a few days ago because I was being chased by the cops, now I don't know who you trusted that told but its not something I look forward to doing again. So calm down and lets figure this out."

"No!" Damien shouted, "I can't trust anyone and that includes you. Now get out!"

Annie rolled her eyes, "Fine, but before I go I need your approval for the sale with Marcos."

"I'll do it myself, now get out of here!" He shouted

Andy walked out with a nervous expression. He had done what she wanted and was handling the same himself but something didn't seem right. She walked to the apartment building that she had been living in for the past year; before she got there she stopped in at the coffee shop on the corner. "Hey Benny." She said to the man behind the counter. "I'll have a large coffee."

"Be careful, Annie." Benny said

"What do you mean?" She asked

"Some cops were in here earlier asking about you. They didn't have a full picture but they had some side shots and it's pretty obvious it was you." Benny said, "I told them I hadn't seen you in a while. But I don't think they believed me."

"Don't worry about it Benny, I know what I'm doing. Thanks for letting me know!" Andy said

Andy rushed from the shop and up to her apartment, knowing she didn't have much time left. In her apartment she pieced together the remainder of the information that she hadn't sent to Boyko, along with what she had discovered today in her meeting with Damien. She stuck the large envelope in her purse. Then she double-checked where all of her weapons were stored and made sure she had plenty of ammo.

Andy tucked one gun into the back of her pants and made sure her jacket covered it and she stuck the other one in to her purse. Before leaving she tucked her blonde hair into a brown wig and put a newsboy cap over it. Since she had died her hair and gone undercover she made sure to never wear a brown wig so she wouldn't be recognized as Andy. Damien had seen what she looked like with every other hair color so she hoped that he wouldn't recognize her this time if he noticed her when she tailed him this week.

She followed him all week as he went to all of their usual contacts and suppliers that hadn't been picked up by the police yet. She took pictures and recorded what she could. This wouldn't be enough to keep him locked up for very long, but it was a start. She was hiding up in the rafters in one of Damien's warehouses when she heard him and Johnny, who was his bodyguard and second in command, a few other men that had been with Damien from the beginning followed them into the warehouse.

Damien looked like he hadn't slept in weeks, his hair was a mess, he paced nervously and his body shook with anger, "I don't know who else it could be!" He shouted, "There is no one who would dare to cross me. And yet all of my men keep getting scooped up by the cops."

Johnny twitched nervously, "You don't think any of them would talk do you?"

"Does it matter!" He screamed, "Ever since I killed that bitch Sarah Clark things have been going downhill."

"I thought you told Annie that the police killed Sarah and that's why she came to work for you." Johnny said, paling considerably.

Damien calmed and his face took on a manic expression that only came from taking another life, "That is what I told her." He laughed, "Sarah's work had been getting sloppy, she would slip off for hours and miss important sales and meetings. She became reliable. I had her followed to a police academy graduation. It was when I confronted her later that I learned of her daughter. She begged me to leave her daughter alone. I told her that she had one final chance and she better not mess up if she did, I would kill her and her daughter."

Andy held her breath; this was what she had been waiting for!

"I let it go for a while, but then she ruined a $2 million dollar deal at the house on Adams street because the cops, led by her daughter showed up. She should have killed the girl and saved the deal, instead she killed Miller and most of his men to save her daughter who had gone up the stairs to check the house. So, I killed her." Damien laughed.

Andy felt sick and unsteady, she tried to move from the rafter silently and she almost made it when her hat got caught on a nail and fell silently to the floor landing in the middle of the circle of men.


	4. Chapter 3

Thank for all the reviews, you guys are great! A few of you have asked about the title. It's actually the name of an episode from One Tree Hill. I don't really watch the show anymore, but when I used to I remembered they had some good episode names.

Chapter 3

"Someone's here!" Damien shouted, "Find them!"

With guns drawn the men spread out to search the building. Andy had no delusions that they would even think twice about killing her even if they didn't know that Damien was actually the one that killed Sarah. And, for the second time in 2 weeks she found herself on the roof of a very tall building. The fire escape, although an obvious exit was really the only way down. About half way down she took a chance and peeked through a broken window, she could hear them shouting and slowly making their way up to the top. She moved quickly and when she got to the ground she took off running, she was almost rounding the corner at the end of the street when she heard the gunshots surrounding her, she moved faster and had just rounded the corner when she felt a tremendous pain in her arm.

There was no time to stop, she ran through the pain and kept running until she came to the apartment she used as Annie. Everything important had already been moved out of the apartment, except for one bag. Should Damien decide to check the apartment, it would still look like she lived there. Just as she grabbed that bag she looked out the window and saw Marky on his cell phone. He looked up to her window and she moved away from it, hopefully before he saw her. She ran out of the apartment and down the stairs to the front. If she knew Marky like she thought she did he would have moved around to the back stairs to try and surprise her. When she didn't see him outside she let out a sigh of relief.

Andy walked very quickly for the next 10 blocks zigzagging her pattern to the parking lot where she had parked her emergency car. She drove quickly back to the other side of town, where her life used to be. She knew her old house would still be empty from when Best and Boyko had it cleaned out, but it would do for now. Holding her arm to her chest she walked into her old house with one of the bags that held all of her first aid supplies. It wouldn't be the first time she had to pull her own bullet out.

She moved in to the bathroom and with the sunlight she was able to tell that the bullet had left a deep gash but it didn't look like the bullet had penetrated her arm. Andy poured the alcohol over the wound hissing as it burned. She cleaned it as best she could, wrapped it in gauze and popped a few painkillers. Quickly she brought in the rest of the bags and set up a temporary camp. She changed her clothes and put on a new wig to walk up to the market to get some food and figure out her next move. Andy kept her head down, but her year on the street had trained her to pick up snippets of conversation from every direction. It seemed like both the cops and Damien were looking for Annie Clark. _Damien works fast._ Andy had to remind herself just how powerful and terrifying Damien is. With any luck this would all be over soon.

Andy needed time to prepare herself for what her next move was going to be. She wasn't ready to do what she knew she needed to do.

Parade at the 15th was the same every day that week. The three guns and gangs detectives briefed them all every morning on any new information about Damien's crew. Today was no different.

"Annie Clark is missing." Boyd said, "We've been able to get a UC close enough to at least know that Damien is on a man hunt for her. He suspects her of being the snitch."

"Is she though?" Dov asked, "I was under the impression she was a pretty major player in his organization."

Jefferson handed out information packets to everyone, "We thought she was too, so did everyone but in light of this new information we aren't really sure."

"Am I reading this right?" Traci asked, "Annie Clark doesn't exist?"

"The story we were all told was that she was Sarah Clark's younger sister. But not only does Sarah Clark not have a sister, we have no record of any Annie Clark who matches that description in the time frame we're looking at." Matthews said

"Basically, what you're saying is you've got nothing." Sam said

Before any response could be made, their radios crackled to life, "1509, responded to shots fired 1100 Adams Street. Chasing suspect on foot. Believed to be Annie Clark."

The offices of the 15th all jumped to their feet and ran to the squad cars. Sam couldn't help but think about the last time he had been to the house on Adams Street.

"1509 subject secure, we have Annie Clark, 5 blocks east on Mason Ave." The radio crackled to life again.

Sam urged Shaw to go faster, he needed to see the person claiming to be Andy's aunt. Just as the group of police cars turned on the Mason Ave a blonde haired woman ran in front of the car.

"1509!" The voice on the radio was panicked, "All units respond, suspect escaped custody on foot."

Shaw slammed on the brakes to avoid her. They stared at the woman in front of them; Sam and the woman locked gazes. Then she blinked and took off running through the woods.

Shaw spun the car around and took off down the next road, trying to see the woman through the trees, "Did that look like…?" He trailed off.

"Yeah." Sam said

_Well that did not go as planned at all! _Andy thought to herself as she ran through the trees not daring to move back out on the streets yet. That morning, she had needed a walk to clear her head and not even realizing where she was going she ended up at the house on Adams, where she had first seen her mother. Despite the busts that happened every week it was still a crack house. Andy had tried not to draw attention to herself but one of the kids who used to work for Damien recognized her and was about to call Damien and tell him where she was. She was very careful to only shoot the cell phone out of his hand and not him, but it was enough so that she found herself in a gunfight and before she knew it the police had arrived, she ran shooting out their tires on her way. But this damn rookie was quick and caught up to her, tackled her to the ground and slapped the cuffs on her calling it in. She still had a key to the handcuffs so while the kid was distracted with bragging that he had caught Annie Clark, she caught him by surprise unlocking herself and tripping him before she took off running again.

The next shock came when Shaw and Sam almost ran her over. She hadn't meant to but when she saw it was Sam in the passenger seat she couldn't look away. She recovered quickly and kept running which was what she did best. She knew time was running out and sooner or later she would have to return to the 15th but that would mean seeing the disgusted looks on the faces of those she loved so much, and she just wasn't sure she was ready to do that.

That night Sam sat alone at the bar at the Penny staring at the scotch in front of him. Traci walked over and sat next to him. "I wonder sometimes if there was something that I could have done."

Sam looked at her surprised, they had never really talked much about Andy leaving, "She played us all pretty good. I don't think anyone could possibly have known what was going on. I was living with her practically and I had no idea."

"Andy's complicated." Traci said, "She's always ran, from everything in her life. I guess I thought, now that she had you things would have been different."

"Me too."

"Jerry's worried about you." Traci said shifting the topic

Sam smiled, "So he sent you over here."

"No." Traci said, "I wanted to talk to you. I know we never really talked about her leaving, but I just don't want you to blame yourself anymore for not knowing what she was planning to do."

"Can't help it." He said simply, "I should have known better."

Sam and Traci sat at the bar for a long time neither one really saying anything, both lost in their own thoughts. It wasn't lost of the patrons of the Penny what the topic of conversation was bound to be between those two.

Today was the day Andy decided. Annie Clark would turn herself in. To be true to Annie Clark, Andy got up extra early to style her hair perfectly and pick out an outfit. She looked like she did during the undercover op that she and Sam did for Boyd when she was still a rookie, except classier, and her hair was blonde and her colored contacts made her eyes bright green. She had thought about changing her hair back, but this was who she was now. And, if she let herself think to hard about it, she would never have the strength to walk in to the police station today. She thought about calling Best, but she chickened out at the last second. This all needed to be done on her terms today.

It was a cold day in late October; Andy sat in the exact same place on the trunk of a car in a parking lot across the street from the police station as the day she left over a year ago. She watched as all of her former colleagues greeted each other in the parking lot and walked in together. She glanced at her watch; it was almost time.

She moved swiftly across the street 10 minutes later, and took at deep breath at the door and before she could think twice she opened it and walked in. She peeked around the corner and saw the last officer walk into the Parade room and close the door. The person at the desk was obviously new and not paying any attention and she was quickly able to move past them, taking care to stay away from the windows that looked in to the room.

She recognized Detective Boyd standing at the front of the room, but the other two she wasn't so sure about. She looked at all of her old friends in that room, Sam was in his usual spot in the back corner with Shaw and Jerry. Traci, Gail, Dov and Chris were in the middle row and some of the new rookies had taken over the front. She looked at all their faces, trying to memorize how they all looked before she blew their worlds apart.

She watched as the rookie who had caught her the other day hung his head and she looked back up at Boyd as he pointed at a blurry photo of her. She watched his lips move and heard his shout, "Who the hell is Annie Clark."

_Just Breathe. _She opened the door and stepped in the room, "Well, Detective Boyd," Andy said with a sarcastic smile, "You might have better luck if you tried my real name."


	5. Chapter 4

Thank you so much for all of the reviews and support! You guys are amazing!

Chapter 4

Silence.

Total silence. Everyone seemed to be holding their breaths.

But that didn't last too long before silence turned in to chaos.

The rookie who failed to capture her the other day, jumped up reaching for his cuffs.

"Everybody, freeze!" Best shouted over the din. They all paused and turned to look at their Sergeant. He walked over to Andy, who tried her best to smile over the fear that was clutching at her heart. "Andy, what's going on? One of our UC's said that Damien thinks you're the snitch, what happened? You said everything was fine."

Andy didn't answer; she was staring at Sam who hadn't moved since he had stood up in shock when she entered the room.

Sam Swarek stood rooted to the spot, unable to look away but unable to move any closer. His mind was racing; it felt like all the blood was rushing to his head. This couldn't possibly be happening, this woman couldn't be his Andy. This woman had jumped off a roof, shot at cops and assisted a drug and weapons dealer.

"Andy." Best said taking hold over to arm bringing her past to the present with a cry of pain. "What the hell?"

"I got shot the other day." Andy said with a grimace, "It's nothing, I'm fine."

"Someone grab the first aid kit." Best shouted

"I've got it." Dov scrambled past her to run get the bag.

"Really, I'm fine." Andy started to argue but stopped short when she saw Traci stand up.

Traci walked over slowly, almost not really believing her best friend was back. She pushed past Best to stand in front of her. "You have a lot of explaining to do." Andy closed her eyes in a silent apology as Traci pulled her into a careful hug, "I'm so happy you're OK."

Best cleared his throat, "Take off your coat, so we can get a look at that."

"I'm fine, really sir." Andy protested, "We don't have a lot of time."

"Take off the damn jacket, McNally." Sam growled at her

She glared back at him, not liking at all that those were the first words he said to her in over a year. But nonetheless she slowly peeled the jacket off wincing the whole time. Blood had seeped through the bandage and was slowing spreading. Sam cursed and jumped in to action, grabbing the supplies from Dov. He cut the bandage off and re-cleaned the wound, muttering under his breath the whole time. Occasionally, she caught a few words, "Idiot" and "damn woman". He used some skin glue and re-bandaged her arm. Her breath caught in her throat and her arm felt tingly from where he was touching her. She just wanted him to wrap her in his arms and tell her it would be ok. But, she knew that was impossible. She would be lucky in he ever forgave her.

"I'm sorry." Detective Boyd said, "But what the hell is going on She can't be Andy McNally."

Andy reached up to her face and quickly removed the colored contacts and stored them in the container she kept in her purse. "I can put on a brown wig if it helps you to get the picture, but I keep my hair this color now, because Annie Clark is supposed to be Sarah Clark's sister and Sarah had blonde hair." Andy sighed, "Look, I know you have a lot of questions right now and you don't understand what's going on. But, I don't have time to explain in all right now." She turned to Best, "We need to call Boyko and the others."

Best nodded and quickly walked to his office to place the requested phone calls.

Andy pulled a few files out of her purse and a tape recorder out of her pocket. She pulled out the tape and put it in a bag with several other tapes and handed everything to Jerry. "This should help you with a lot of your unsolved murders, including my mothers."

Jerry looked open mouthed everything she handed him. Just glancing briefly through the files, he knew there was a lot of information there and it would bring justice for several families.

Best walked back in just then, "McNally, go clean up a little bit. Boyko will be here shortly and we'll figure everything out."

Andy nodded, appreciating the chance for a reprieve. She walked in to the locker room and into the bathroom. She barely made it to the toilet before she heaved. After a few minutes, she exited the stall and walked over to the sink and rinsed out her mouth with the mouthwash the female officers kept handy. She braced her hands on the side of the sink and stared into the mirror, unable to look away form her own reflection. It had been a long time since she had seen her own brown eyes. Although, now they looked tired and sad; she couldn't afford to let any emotions through. She pressed her hands to her cheeks, which appeared more sunken than they had a year ago. Life undercover had definitely taken its toll on her. She took several deep-calming breaths before standing up straight and walking determinedly out of the locker room.

After Andy had left the room, several faces turned to stare at Best. "Alright; Swarek, Shaw, Nash, Diaz, Epstein and Williams stay put. The rest of you get to work." Jerry and a few of the other detectives stayed as well.

When the door closed behind the last cop, leaving them all alone with Best, Sam rounded on him; his eyes flashing with anger, "What the fuck, Frank!" Sam shouted, "We've been searching for her since the day she left. And, you knew where she was this whole damn time!"

"There is a lot you don't know Sam." Best started to explain

"So explain it!" Sam spat angrily, "She could have been dead for all I knew and you just let us believe that she chose to leave without an explanation. You put her in danger sending her undercover!"

"Sam, stop." Andy said walking back in to the room, "This was my idea, my choice, my decision. No one else's."

"Andy, what do you mean?" Traci asked concerned.

"Traci, please. I promise I'll explain everything but there just isn't time right now. I can't be here much longer, I have to get back out there." Andy said quickly

"No." Best said, "They know you are the snitch, Damien will kill you if you go back."

Andy shook her head, "They think I'm the snitch, but they don't know for sure."

Boyko, who had walked in a few minutes ago spoke up then, "You'll be as good as dead if you go back out there, Andy."

"I can do this, Sir." Andy pleaded, "I just need a little help. But I can finish this."

"No." Sam said suddenly, "There is no way your are getting out of this that easily."

"What are you talking about?" Andy asked

"If you think I'm just going to let you walk back out there to disappear again and probably get yourself killed, so you can take the easy way out and not explain to anyone why you left you are seriously delusional." Sam said furiously

"That's not what this is about, Sam." Andy said sadly, "I started something and I fully intend on finishing it and staying alive."

Sam opened his mouth to continue the argument but Andy held up her hand, "This isn't up for discussion." She turned to Best and Boyko, "Get the teams ready, I'll need all available units ready when the buy goes down. Its big, bigger than anything we've ever dealt with. That's how I know Damien won't kill me. I organized this transaction and I'm the only one who they'll deal with."

There was a long pause, and finally Best spoke, "Are you sure this is the only way to get them?"

"Yes." Andy said immediately, "I've been able to get a few things, but not enough to make any of the charges stick. I have to stick to the agreement I made with the Landry and Bergen organizations."

"We already caught Landry and Bergen." Jerry said, "When you and Sam when undercover."

"Their sons took over, and they are much worse than their fathers ever were." Andy explained quickly, "My mother had just started to make contact with them when she was killed, they liked her. When I came on the scene as her sister, they made contact almost immediately wanting to continue the business they started with Sarah. I'm the only one they will work with. It drives Damien crazy, but that's why he would never kill me and risk blowing this deal."

"I don't' like this." Boyko said, "Are you sure this is the only way?"

"I'm positive, Sir." Andy said

Boyko and Best shared a look, "Ok." Best said and turned to Boyd, "Get in touch with as many of our UCs as you can after you and McNally work out logistics."

"You can't be serious, Frank." Sam said

"Swarek, there is a lot you still don't know. I'm aware of the risks and so is McNally." Best said, "She's been out there for more than a year by herself. She knows what she's doing."

"They deal is supposed to go down next week. I'm going to need a few days to get in touch with Landry and Bergen after that I'll be able to prove I'm loyal to Damien." Andy turned to Boyd, "I'll meet you back here tomorrow night at 9. Landry and Bergen usually go to this club over on Lexington on Friday nights. It will be easiest to make contact then and arrange a meeting that way."

Andy turned to look at Traci, Dov and Chris. "I know that you guys are upset with me and confused, but I need you to just let this go for a little while longer." She looked at Sam then, "Its important that you let me go right now. Don't come to see me, pretend you never saw me. I know my word doesn't mean much to you right now and I don't blame you, but I need you to trust me."

They stared at each other for a long time until Sam finally nodded.


	6. Chapter 5

Again, thank you so much for all of the review! You guys are all amazing! So, I promise I'll try and get another chapter tomorrow…but if not, it'll be at least Friday before the next chapter. I'll be away from the computer and internet from Sunday to Thursday Just re-read the story and send inspiring review and any fun ideas or suggestions of things you might like to see happen!

Chapter 5

Late that night, Andy lay awake in the makeshift bed she had set up on the floor of her old bedroom. Her mind was racing, there were so many things that would go wrong with this plan she had set up. Contrary to what she had told Sam, it was entirely possible that she was embarking on a suicide mission. Obviously, she was hoping for the best, but with Damien, you just never knew what he was capable of. Her thoughts turned to Sam then. The way he looked at her today was something she had hoped she would never have to endure again. But she understood. She knew she had hurt him greatly by leaving. But one day, he would forgive her. If he would give her a chance she could make him understand. And, god she needed that chance, she needed him.

At the Black Penny later that night the patrons watched the individuals occupying the bar closely. Right in a row sat Oliver, Jerry, Traci, Sam, Dov and Chris. The bar in front of Sam was littered with empty shot glasses.

"I just can't believe it." Chris said for what had to be the 10th time since they had sat down.

"Come on." Dov said, "We all knew McNally had a little crazy in her."

"Well yeah, but to do something like this…" Chris trailed off as Sam slammed another shot down.

"She's an idiot. That's what she is." Sam slurred angrily, "She's selfish and I never want to see her again!"

Oliver sighed, "Come on Sammy. You know you don't mean that."

"Maybe I don't." Sam said, "But I'm mad as hell. I don't know how I can love someone who can be this cruel."

"Knowing Andy, she probably thought this was the only thing she could do." Traci said, "She's messed up enough to truly believe that what she did was right."

"I would have understood." Sam argued, "I might not have liked it, I would have fought her tooth and nail; but I could have accepted it. She didn't give me the choice; she walked out and left us to worry every day about whether she was alive or dead. I don't know if I can forgive that."

Jerry clapped a hand to his friends shoulder, knowing that the headache he would have tomorrow from all the liquor was nothing compared to the heartache he was feeling now; "Of course you will Sam. It won't happen tomorrow, hell it might take months to forgive McNally. But she's going to need you. You've been undercover before; you know how hard it is. We don't know what she has been through, but you can bet it wasn't pleasant."

"Damn Jerry, I know that." Sam muttered, "I'm not an idiot, I'm just mad."

"And, you should be." Oliver said and sighed, "It's going to be a rough couple of weeks that's for sure."

The group spent the next few minutes in silence, before dispersing for the night. Oliver dropped Sam off at home. Sam staggered into his room, stripping down to his boxers and falling onto his bed. He slept fretfully that night, tossing and turning between nightmares of Andy getting shot and killed in his arms. Finally, knowing no other option he took a sleeping pill, while he waited for sleep to come his head was filled with images of Andy. Today, when he saw her all he wanted to do was pull her into his arms and make sure he wasn't imagining her like he had been doing for so many month. But he hadn't been able to do that, something had held him back; maybe it was pride or something else that he couldn't name. Eventually, the pills took effect and he was able to drift slowly to sleep.

The next evening under the cover of the night Andy slipped in to the precinct. She hadn't wanted to take any chances of being recognized and had tucked her blonde hair into a red wig and wore jeans with a plain black v-neck tee and a purple fleece. When she walked in to the detective's office, Boyd did a double take as if unsure of who she was, "McNally?"

"Yeah, it's me." Andy said, "I'm sorry for all the disguises, I just can't take the risk of being recognized."

"I understand." Boyd said, "Alright, lets get to work."

Andy sat down at the desk across from him. "First thing, is there anyone else going to be involved in organizing the mission?"

Boyd looked at his watch, "Jerry had a briefing with Best, he should be here in a few minutes and my partners Jefferson and Matthews will be here shortly as well."

"I'd rather just wait for them then." Andy said, "It'll be easier to just do this once."

"OK." Boyd said, "Mind if I ask you a question in the mean time?"

Andy shrugged, "Shoot."

"How did you do it?" He asked, "We looked for you all year. And, you were in town the whole time."

Andy gave him a small smile, "I thought you might ask that." She handed him an envelope. "Most of Damien's inner circle knows me as the blonde hair green eyed, Annie Clark. But any time I was sent out for a buy or sale I usually wore some type of disguise."

Boyd flipped through the pictures that all showed Andy with varying hairstyles and color and different eye colors and clothing styles. "This would be why the sketch artists could never come up with similar descriptions of you from everyone we interviewed."

"It was for my safety, not just because of how dangerous this undercover mission was but also because I knew that you guys would be looking for me and I didn't want to take the chance that should any of Damien's clients talk that they would give a good enough description for you to figure out my cover." Andy explained

"I understand." Jerry said walking into the room with Matthews and Jefferson, "It was still a shitty thing to do."

"I'm sorry Jerry. I really am, but you can't possibly understand everything that I went through and I don't expect you to." Andy said, "I do, however expect you to listen to what I have to say and help me put together a plan so I can come home and try and fix my life."

Jerry nodded and the five of them got to work. A few hours later, they were starting to make real progress. "The easiest way for me to make contact with Landry and Bergen is going to be at the night club tomorrow night. I can't risk an actual wire, but I can probably get away with an earpiece. You can also station UC's inside the club and have a van outside." Andy said.

"And that will prove you are still loyal to Damien?" Matthews asked

"It will definitely help." Andy said, "This is the biggest deal he's ever made and it's because of me. I'm the only one that these guys will work with. If I can show that the deal is still on, I can show him that I'm not the snitch and we'll be able to bust them all when the sale goes down."

"I guess this is the only way then." Boyd said, "So we'll meet back here tomorrow night around 8:00pm and we'll brief the rest of the undercover and van teams then."

Andy walked quickly out of the detective's office, zipping up her fleece jacket. With her head down and her hands in her pockets, Andy didn't see the person who had walked out of the locker rooms until she walked right into him. The man reached out to steady her, "Oh, I'm sorry." Andy said and then stopped as she looked up into Sam's brown eyes.

Sam's eyes roamed her face as if memorizing every detail. He dropped his hands from her arms as though she burned him. "What are you doing here?"

"Umm, plans for tomorrow." Andy said simply pointing back to the detective's office.

"Right." He said. "Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow at the briefing then." Sam turned and walked away, needed to get away from her before he forgot all about his anger and wrapped her in his arms and never let her go. He was just outside the door when he heard her tearfully call his name.

"Sam." Andy didn't know why she followed him or called to him. It was almost as if his name escaped from her lips without permission. She stopped just behind him; he hadn't turned around yet. "I'm sorry."

He stopped but couldn't turn around; when he heard her whispered apology he closed his eyes. "I know." Sam turned around finally and looked at her. "I know you are sorry, but I can't do this. I don't know how to forgive you."

Tears leaked out of her eyes, "I understand." Andy sucked in a shaky breath, "I know I have no right to ask you this, but could you just hold me for a minute? I know you hate me right now but I'm scared about what I have to do. And, for just a minute I need you to hold me in your arms and tell me that I can do this and that when it's all over we can fix us. Even if it's not true, even if you don't believe it, can you please just do this for me?" She begged.

Sam looked into her pleading tear filled eyes. God he wanted nothing more than to do as she asked. But if he wrapped her in his arms would he have the strength to let her go?

She watched him struggle and hated herself for even asking this of him.

It felt like years to both of them, but finally he stepped forward and pulled her in to his arms. She let out a breath she hadn't know she had been holding and closed her eyes tightly, reveling in the feel of being in his arms once again.

He tightened his hold, not wanting to let her go. He had missed her so much. Finally he let go and took a step back. "I'm sorry. I have to go." He walked away quickly unwilling to examine the feelings holding her in his arms had brought back.

Andy watched him go, wrapping her arms around herself hoping to compensate for the sudden lack of warmth she was left with when he walked away. "Bye Sam." She whispered, turning and walking the other way.


	7. Chapter 6

I'm back! I know you missed me So this chapter is kind of a filler and while it doesn't have much Sam/Andy…I promise more next time! As always please review and thanks!

Chapter 6

She waited until she got in her car before she allowed her tears to fall. And like Mother Nature knew her pain, as her tears fell faster with a loud clap of thunder the skies opened and the rain began to fall beating down on the car. How had this happened? Andy questioned herself over and over. How had she gotten to this point? She was so sure she was doing the right thing when she left a year ago; she never imagined that everything would be so screwed up. Andy knew it would be hard to come back, but she never dreamed that the pain would be so great that all she wanted to do was rip out her heart so she wouldn't have to feel anymore. She beat the steering wheel with her hand in anger before laying her head down on it and sobbed.

Sam watched from his car his heart breaking with every tear that fell from her eyes. He wanted to go to her and pull her back into his arms, anything to ease her pain. But whether it was pride or stubbornness, something held him back from moving to her. Finally, he watched as she sat up, wiped her eyes and started the car and drove away. When the taillights to her car were finally out of sight, he started his own car and went home, content to sit in the dark with a beer listening to the storm rage and wishing that Andy were there with him.

Early the next morning with the sun slowly rising behind her Andy's feet pounded the ground as she jogged with no particular destination. She had tucked her long blonde hair in a baseball cap, and over her yoga pants she wore one of Sam's sweatshirts. It was one of the few concessions to her old life that she had allowed herself when she went undercover. She ran for miles, eventually finding herself in the middle of downtown. She slowed her pace as she neared the old building that her dad used to take her to the roof of when she was a kid. You could see the whole city and all the way across the river. Later in her life she go come up there on her own when she needed to think. Andy moved to the back of the building and took the fire escape stairs to the roof.

Andy had been up on the roof for about 15 minutes when she heard a noise behind her.

"I thought I might find you here." Gail Peck said as she finished climbing the fire escape.

"Gail." Andy grinned, "How did you find me?"

Gail shrugged, "Anytime I needed to find you this year if you didn't answer your phone you were usually up here."

They embraced quickly, "How have things been?"

"You mean since you blew your own cover and told the 15 you were Annie Clark?" Gail asked sarcastically

Andy sighed, "I had to, things were getting bad. I needed help."

"You could have come to me sooner you know." Gail said, "I've been helping you since you went under."

"I know." Andy said, "I really don't think I would have made it without your help. Seriously, you've been like my only source of sanity."

Gail smiled, "I know we weren't really friends before, but I glad you trusted me with this, and for not letting Frank kill me when I found you."

Andy laughed, "I can't lie, I was pretty impressed that you found me when no one else could figure it out."

Gail laughed along with her but her face turned serious, "Are you ok though?"

"I'm fine."

"Andy."

Andy sighed, "OK, I'm not fine. It's more awful that I could have ever imagined. I knew it would be hard, but I was so unprepared."

"You definitely caught them all by surprise." Gail said, "It all Chris and Dov have been talking about."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't even ask how you and Chris were doing since he found out that you knew about me." Andy said

"Honestly, I haven't told him." Gail said, "Right now I'm pretending to be just as surprised as they are."

"You know that Best is going to want you to help set the sting up tonight since you know almost as much as I do about all this." Andy said, "So he's going to find out anyway."

Gail sighed, "I know, I just haven't figured out the right way to do it. Everyone is going to be pretty mad at me too."

"We'll explain it to them." Andy said, "They might be mad, but they'll all know that you did the right thing."

Gail nodded, "I hope so, everyone is pretty freaked out and shocked right now. There are so many different bets going around right now about what's happened with you its crazy."

"How is everyone?" Andy asked trying to sound nonchalant

"You mean how are Sam and Traci?"

"Yeah." Andy said

"I don't know really." Gail said, "Sam will only talk to Oliver, Jerry or Noelle. He's being stubbornly closed mouthed, if anyone even brings up your name he'll leave the room or clam up completely. And Traci talked a little with Chris and Dov and they all are hurt, but in a weird way they kind of understand. Traci keeps telling them that you wouldn't have done this unless you really felt that it was the only option. I really think they are just waiting for an explanation."

"It's going to take more than that with Sam though." Andy replied

"Probably. Look, you never told me what happened between you guys that last week but on the day you left, before we knew you were gone that was the happiest I think anyone had ever seen him. When he found your note and your badge and then when we all went to you house and it was completely cleared out, he was devastated. He wasn't at work for at least a week after that. He searched for you for a while and when he couldn't find you he locked himself in his house and just drank." Gail said

"I didn't know. I didn't mean to hurt him." Andy said softly

"I know you didn't" Gail said, "The only reason I know this is because Jerry and Oliver were the ones who found him and finally got him to come back to work and of course Jerry told Traci, who told Chris who told me. I'm telling you this so you know that he's not being difficult on purpose right now. Even though you didn't mean to, you hurt him real bad and he probably just doesn't know how to forgive you."

Andy knew that, Sam had pretty much said that last night. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

Gail agreed, "Are you ready for tonight."

"As I'll ever be, I just want this all to be over so I can try and fix what's left of my life." Andy said

"Well hopefully that will be soon." Gail said, "Listen, go home and get some rest and try not to worry about tonight. We'll all be there with you. It's going to be fine."

Andy smiled and watched as Gail walked away and moved quickly down the fire escape. The unlikely friendship between the girls was something that Andy would always be grateful for. Gail understood, probably better than most what it took to give up your freedom for the job, not because she had ever been there herself but because she like Andy had come from a cop family and knew the risks and the challenges.

Andy stood staring at the city for a while after Gail had left. She didn't know what she was waiting for, clarity or courage maybe. Finally she left the room and began the long jog back to her house. She purposefully stayed away from the street that would take her to Sam's house, she wasn't sure if she would be able to restrain herself from knocking on his door.

After her jog Andy jumped in the shower and made herself a quick lunch and began to prepare for the evening ahead. She began to organize all her weapons and various disguises before placing everything in a duffle bag along with several outfit choices for the evening. She would get ready at the police station. She didn't want to draw any unnecessary attention to herself before tonight.

Finally at 6:00 pm as the sun was slowly beginning to set Andy got in her car and headed to the 15th. She met Gail and Boyd in Best's office so the four of them could go over some of the arrangements before everyone else arrived.

"Look." Andy started, "This club is really shady. Everyone in there is either a dealer, an addict or in a gang. They are always on the lookout for cops. Anyone you place inside needs to be young and able to look like an addict of some kind."

"We've got a lot of people already from guns and gangs who will be here tonight. Plus anyone Frank already called. Everyone knows to bring plain clothes but a lot club type clothes as well. You can choose who you think should be inside and everyone else we'll scattered outside." Boyd said

Andy nodded, "I have to start getting ready. Everyone expects Annie Clark to look a certain way; I can't let them notice anything that might be different."

"OK." Frank said, "Peck help McNally and then get yourself ready. Everyone should start arriving soon and we'll start giving the teams their assignments."

Andy and Gail left quickly and had been in the women's locker room for over an hour when they started hearing movement in the hallways. Gail glanced at Andy; who's hand that held a mascara wand had frozen halfway to her eye.

Andy paused for only a moment before she continued effortlessly putting on her mascara. She smeared on her lip glass and stared at her reflection in the mirror. She had paired her royal blue mini dress with a black leather jacket and black ankle boots. Her accessories were silver and her blond hair was straightened, with just the ends curled. Her make-up was dramatic, and so much unlike Andy McNally; but she supposed that was the point. All her weapons were strategically placed and she had double and tripled checked that they wouldn't be visible.

Finally, she straightened up and met Gail's gaze in the mirror and nodded, "Showtime."


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Andy felt all of their gazes on her. It felt like "American Woman" was playing in the background as she walked through the station. She had been Annie Clark for over a year, it shouldn't be so hard to just walk through here into the parade room and give her former colleagues the plan for the night. But it was, each step was torture. Tonight was not going to be easy for any of her friends to witness. They did not understand the lengths that she had gone to while she was Annie Clark. She knew exactly what would happen tonight after she made contact with Landry and Bergen and without telling them what would happen she needed to make them understand how important it would be to leave her alone.

Traci, Dov and Christ exchanged questioning looks as they watched Gail follow Andy to the front of the room. The steady murmur of voices increased while together Gail and Andy clipped a diagram to the board at the front of the room.

"They're staring." Andy whispered to Gail

Gail grinned, "Well, you look hot." She laughed at the look Andy shot her.

"Since when are Gail and Andy friends?" Traci asked Chris

"I have no idea." Chris said getting up and moving to talk to his girlfriend. He pulled her to the side, "Gail, what's going on? Since when are you and Andy friends and what are you doing up here with her."

Gail sighed and shot Andy a look. Andy shrugged and mouthed _It's up to you. _

"Chris. Now really isn't the time to talk about this." Gail started

"Peck's right." Best said walking in to the parade room. "Alright people settled down."

Sam barely heard a word anyone was saying, he was to busy staring at Andy. He was still getting used to her blonde hair, but damn she looked amazing in the dress. He shook his head to clear it and tuned in to what Best was saying.

"Well have three teams set up. Team 1 is going to be stationed inside the club. Team 2 will be outside surveillance and Team 3 is going to be van surveillance." Best said, "McNally."

Andy took a deep breath, "OK, so whoever is going to be in the club with me basically needs to look like a hooker, an addict or a dealer. People in there are constantly on the lookout for cops and they won't hesitate to hurt you. One of the most important things I'll need from everyone is not to react. Whatever you see in there, whatever you hear you absolutely cannot react."

Gail stepped forward then, "Team 1 is going to be with me. Traci, Chris, Dov and the rookies. We're going to be the inside cover. Traci, Chris and Dov are going to be upstairs at the bar overlooking the dance floor. Rookies, we need you all scattered on the main floor, keep your eyes out for Damien and any potential threats to Andy." 

Andy jumped back in then, "We'll be able to have you all on comm., but unfortunately you won't be able to carry a weapon."

"You can't seriously be thinking of going in unarmed Andy." Chris said

"I'm not."

"Well where do you expect to hide a gun in that outfit?" Shaw asked laughing

"I already have two guns and three knives on me right now." Andy said straighfaced, "I think I'll be ok. I'm known at the club, I won't be searched like the rest of you."

All the men in the room looked at her confused, _Where was she keeping the weapons? _

"Guns and gangs people, all of you will either be on the roofs surrounding the club or on the street. Boyd will be your team leader." Andy continued, "The rest of you will be in different vans or cars in the area. The van is the only thing that will have video, but everyone will have audio."

"Alright." Best clapped his hands together, "Team 1 get dressed then see Bernie and he'll get everyone fit with audio. Everyone else can go to Bernie now and we'll start heading out in waves."

Sam cornered Best in his office a few minutes later, "I want to be inside."

"No." Frank said

"I need to be there so I can protect her." Sam argued desperately

Frank looked at Sam, "I know you think it would help for you to be in there. But if you want to keep her alive you have to stay outside in the van." Sam looked like he was about to argue more but Frank help up a hand, "I wanted you inside Sam. You've been undercover before, you're one of the best."

Andy walked in the room, "But I wanted you outside, I need you outside. I need to know that you're safe. She begged, "I'm well aware of how capable you are but for my own peace of mind will you please stay in the van. Please Sam."

Reluctantly, Sam agreed. Andy smiled tightly at him, "Thank you." She turned to Frank, "You can send both of the outdoor surveillance teams now, then we'll send the inside people in waves. I'll follow one of the vans in my car and then jump in with them to make sure the video and audio is working, as it should be. Then I'll drive to the club."

Sam rode in the back of the van with Shaw and Bernie. Jerry and Noelle were in the front. They parked a few blocks away from the club away from all the other cars. A few minutes later the back door of the van opened and Andy climbed in.

"Ok, here is the earpiece." Bernie handed it to her. "It's pretty small and it shouldn't be seen, but I would keep your hair over it just in case."

Andy nodded and put it in her ear, "How about the camera?"

"I've got two options for you." Bernie said, "Hair piece or a pin."

Andy took the hair clip, "I'm not going to be able to put it in my hair though; you won't get a very good view. Let me try this." She bunched the material at the front of her dress in the middle of her cleavage and hooked the clip at the material between her breasts. "See if that works ok."

Bernie pressed a few keys on the keyboard and a picture flashed up on the screen. He put on the headphones, "Step outside real quick and let me do a quick test to make sure everything is good."

Sam followed Andy out of the van. "Bernie can you hear me?" Andy asked

Bernie's voice sounded in her ear, "Yep loud and clear. We've got a good image to. Just make sure your jacket doesn't close and cover the camera and we should be fine."

"OK. Thanks." Andy said. She turned to look at Sam then. She could see the worry reflected in his eyes. "I'll be fine. You shouldn't frown so much; You'll get wrinkles." She tried to laugh.

Sam didn't smile, "I don't like this at all. Its way to dangerous."

Andy sighed, "I don't want to sound like a brat because I know that I put you through a lot this year and that you still haven't really forgiven me and you're staying in the van even though you really don't want to; but I don't care if you don't like this. I have to do this alone and if you don't understand why then you don't know me at all."

Sam opened his mouth to reply when Noelle stuck her head out the window, "Everyone is all set inside Andy. We're ready when you are."

"Thanks Noelle." Andy said, "I'm leaving now."

With one last glance back at Sam, Andy turned and walked back to her vehicle and drove away.


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Fear wasn't something that could be avoided, Andy thought. It was always there at the back of your mind, even when you think you are prepared. Andy's heart pounded in her chest as she walked past the line to get in to the club and right up to the bouncer, "Hey Max. How's it going?"

"Hey Annie." Max, the bouncer said, "Long time no see. Where you been?"

Andy shrugged and smiled at him as he let her pass, "Around."

Andy moved swiftly in to the club and over to the stairs as her trained eyes scanned the room. She located members of the 15 and a few of Damien's crew. She wouldn't have a lot of time before they recognized her and informed Damien where she was. She made her way up to the lounge where Landry and Bergen would be sitting. Fear for her friends clutched at her heart as she walked past Gail, Traci, Chris and Dov. She hated having them here. She wanted them all so far away from this place and the danger that was around them. But they all had a job to do and right now, hers was to make contact with Landry and Bergen.

She plastered a smile on her face as she entered the VIP area. "Well aren't you two a sight for sore eyes."

Kyle Landry and Greg Bergen turned from the women surrounding them and pushed them away to walk over to Andy. "Look at you Miss Thing." Kyle, the younger of the two smiled and gave her a hug.

"We've been trying to get a hold of you all week." Greg said suspiciously

Andy never let her smile falter, "I'm sorry doll. I just needed to get away for a little bit. Missing Sarah a lot lately."

Greg's face softened, "I understand. I know you two were close."

"Thanks for understanding sweetie." Andy placed a hand on his cheek, "If you boys can spare a few minutes to talk business, I'd really appreciate it."

"Of course." Kyle motioned for one of the bodyguards to let them into the back room.

"We've lost a visual." Gail's voice came through the speakers in the van as the door to the back room closed behind Andy.

"We're still OK." Jerry said, "We've got audio and her camera is still working. Keep an eye out for Damien and his crew."

All member of the 15th listened as Andy, Bergen and Landry made arrangements for when the shipments would be delivered in just a few days. All seemed to breathe a sigh of relief as the deal was finalized and Andy was saying her goodbyes.

Their relief was short lived however when one of the rookies on the dance floor's voice came through, "We've got trouble. Damien is here and he is definitely not alone."

Jerry's voice came over next, "Everyone stay where you are. Monitor their locations but do not draw attention to yourselves. McNally, take the back exit through the room you are in and get out of there."

Surprise was clearly visible on Gail and her other friends faces when Andy ignored Jerry and exited the VIP area the way she came in. She moved to the bar, "Shot of patron." Andy slapped some money on the bar and threw back the shot. "This is the way it has to be Jerry." She said quietly and she slowly lowered the shot glass, "No one come after me."

"What the hell is she doing?" Sam shouted from inside the van. Thankfully he was not on comm so no one could hear him curse. "Is she trying to get herself killed? I'm going after her!"

"No!" Shaw forcibly had to restrain him, "Not yet. We don't know what's going on. She's still ok."

Sam sat tense, staring transfixed at the screen. He breathed in an out deeply, forcing himself to remain in the van.

Andy walked back over to the stairs and began her descent. She saw Markie across the club and also quickly located Johnny and some of the other bodyguards. Deliberately, she slowed her pace to give them time to notice her. She heard the voices in her earpiece all urging her to move faster and asking when the hell she was doing, but she ignored them. This was part of the plan they hadn't discussed, because Best wouldn't have allowed her to do it.

She stopped at the bottom of the stairs and allowed her eyes to make contact with Damien's. His face hardened in fury when he saw her and he dragged Johnny, Markie and the other guards over to where she was. She winced slightly as one of them grabbed her arm. Damien came right up to face her, "You have a lot of nerve showing up here you bitch."

She tried to shake off the guards grip but it was no use, "Why wouldn't I show up here? I didn't do anything wrong."

"You're a damn snitch." Damien seethed in fury, "And, you'll pay."

He jerked his head back and the guards dragged Andy to the back door of the club with the rest of the crew following shortly behind.

Andy risked a whisper into her microphone as she passed one of the rookies and saw him make a move to come to her. She jerked her head no, "Do not follow me."

She stumbled slightly as they pushed her out the door. Andy barely had time to regain her footing before Damien backhanded her. She had the metallic taste of blood in her mouth and she barely had time to recover before she was knocked the other way. The next thing she knew she had been pushed up against the brick wall in the alley and Damien's hand was around the throat. "Give me one reason why I shouldn't kill you right now."

Sam struggled against Shaw and Jerry; finally he was able to break free and leapt from the van.

"Someone get outside and stop Swarek before he gets to McNally." Jerry said quickly into the microphone.

Dov ran down the stairs in the club and out the door, he caught up with Sam just before he rounded the corner to get to the back alley. "Sam stop, give her a minute." They moved slowly together and peeked around the corner.

They watched as Andy struggled against Damien, Dov restraining Sam. They heard her whispered response, "The deal is done. Landry and Bergen are in. The shipment will be here Monday night."

Damien's eyes widened in surprise and he released her. Andy coughed trying to regain her breath. "Jeez. Overreact much?"

Damien still glared at her, "You finished the deal?"

"I said I would didn't I?" Andy said, "What do you think I've been doing the past few days?"

"Trying to cover up the fact that you're the snitch maybe?" Markie said loudly

Andy rolled her eyes, "Please, do you really think that I would show up here and risk being killed if I was the snitch?"

"Then where have you been?" Damien asked, his voice clearly implied that if he didn't like her answer then she would be killed.

"She was with me." Sam said finally having broken free of Dov's grasp and walking into the alley.

Andy's eyes widened briefly in terror Damien's guards pulled their guns out and aimed them at Sam.

"And, who the hell are you?" Damien asked

"Do you mind pointing those somewhere else?" Sam said, easily drifting back into his street personality, "We're old friends if you get what I'm saying." He laughed and moved to Andy's side swinging his arm around her making sure to stagger a bit to show that he had a few drinks. "This one has kept me locked in a hotel room for the past few days, not that I'm complaining. Right babe?"

Andy smiled tightly, "I didn't hear any complaints." She dug her nails into his side, "Baby would you mind going back inside so I can finish some work. Then we can go back to the hotel." She said suggestively. All her efforts at this moment we focused on getting him far away from here.

"It looks like your done here babe." Sam said, not willing to leave her and let Damien hurt her anymore.

Damien looked at him suspiciously, "Its fine Annie. Go with your boyfriend. We'll finalize details tomorrow at the warehouse. 4:00pm."

Andy nodded. "See you then." She snuggled in closer to Sam and led him away from Damien and his crew. They walked together past where Dov was still hiding and continued to where her car was parked. Without a word he took the keys out of her hand and opened the passenger door for her. He moved around to the driver's side and got him. Sam had just started the car and they were driving away when she finally exploded, "What the hell were you thinking?"


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

With Andy safely back in her car with Sam, the members of the 15th all slowly exited the club. Everyone was silent on the way back to the precinct; there was no need to talk. Andy and Sam had forgotten to take off their microphones; it was like a soap opera in their ears.

Andy was on a roll, "I mean, what didn't you understand about stay in the damn van. You could have been killed. Why did you have to involve yourself, I had it under control."

Sam laughed harshly, "Oh yeah, being strangled against a brick way really sounds like you had it all under control."

"I knew what was going to happen, Sam." Andy said softly, "It wasn't exactly a surprise. I just didn't want to tell you guys because I knew you never would have let me go through with it."

"You could have been killed." Sam argued, "What if he hadn't listened to the fact you had made the deal with Landry and Bergen. What would you have done?"

"I would have figured it out." Andy said, "I've been surviving alone for over a year now. Do you think this is the first time I've been strangled? Or that last week was the first time I've been shot? Why do you think I carry so many weapons on me? After being knifed a few times you learn real quick."

The expression on Sam's face was murderous and Andy wished she had kept her mouth shut. "I'm sorry I said that. It really wasn't that bad."

"Just shut up Andy." Sam snarled. He violently steered the car into the parking lot a few buildings away from the police department and threw the car into park.

Andy looked at him then, his knuckles were white from clutching the steering wheel. She touched a hand to his forearm, "Sam." She whispered

He looked at her then and she saw the pain in his eyes. "Just shut up." He said and pulled her to him in a fierce kiss. He pushed her away almost just as suddenly, "You could have died tonight."

"I know." She said softly pressing a hand to her lips.

"I can't lose you again." He said

"I'm right here." Andy said, "It's almost over. I'll meet with Damien tomorrow and everything will be finished Monday night."

"You can't seriously be thinking of meeting him still. He nearly killed you tonight; he's probably just waiting until tomorrow to finish the job." Sam looked at her dumbfounded.

"Sam, this is my job. This is literally what I've been working on for an entire year." Andy said, "If I hadn't have gotten shot last week I would have finished this all by myself and then I would have come back."

"That's just stupid, this whole year has been stupid. You could have told me what you were doing. I could have helped." Sam said angrily.

"I'm not going to apologize for doing what I thought was right," Andy said, "You don't have to like it or agree with it, but if we are ever going to be able to make us work again then you are going to have to accept it."

A cough sounded in both of their earpieces, "Uh guys?" Shaw said, "You're both still on comm. And Best needs everyone back for debrief."

Andy and Sam both yanked out their earpieces and Andy pulled off the camera. "We're not finished talking about this." Sam said as he drove them over to the precinct.

Gail leapt up as Andy and Sam walked into the room, "You scared me to death. Just look at you." She pulled Andy over to where she and Traci had already placed the first aid kit. In the darkness of the night, Sam hadn't seen the various cuts on Andy's face and hands from when Damien had hit and pushed her.

"Gail, I'm fine. This isn't the worst that's happened." Andy said

"I'm aware." Gail said sarcastically, "Are you forgetting who found you that time?"

Andy's eyes darted around the room nervously. "Not here." She said quietly

"Then stop being so stupid and putting yourself in danger. You should have gone out the back way like we talked about and then called Damien to tell him you finished the deal, which was the plan." Gail shot Andy a look that made her duck her head

"It's done, and I'm ok." Andy said quietly and winced as Gail swabbed the cuts on her hands with alcohol.

The debrief went quickly, there really wasn't much to talk about. Despite the fact that Andy had not let them all know the exact nature of the evening; they couldn't argue that the night was still a success.

"For tomorrow, let's a surveillance van set up. I can probably get away with the camera and earpiece again, but the meeting is in the warehouse so I don't think we'll be able to actually have any back-up around the buildings." Andy said, "The meeting is at 4:00pm, but I'd rather not risk coming back here during the day so send someone to my old apartment around 3:00pm. We can get everything set up there and then I can go without any suspicion."

She tossed and turned restlessly that night. The events of the day, or really the events of the year were catching up to her. It was all she could do to not just curl up into a ball and cry the tears that had been threatening to fall since being in the car with Sam. _Sam_. She wished that he could be here with her right now. Just to hold her and chase away the demons. He wouldn't come to her though. She knew that. His pride would keep him away from her tonight and no amount of willing would make him appear tonight. And, her own pride would keep her from going to him, no matter how much she wanted to.

The next day dragged by slowly for Andy. She could have sworn time totally stopped at one point. Finally, there was a knock on the door. She answered quickly revealing Gail and Bernie.

"You ready?" Gail asked

"Of course, this is the easy part." Andy shrugged, trying not to show how nervous she was.

Bernie finished checking the equipment, making sure all the sound and video came through correctly. "OK Andy, you're all set. Be careful." He eyed the turtleneck shirt she was wearing and knew she was hiding the bruises. "I'll wait in the car." He said to Gail

"Thanks Bernie." The girls said together.

"You look like hell." Gail said the moment Bernie closed the door.

Andy laughed, "Thanks, that's so sweet of you." She said sarcastically, "I haven't been sleeping well for a while." She said honestly.

"Its almost over." Gail smiled

"I know."

Gail stared at her then, "You won't be able to run anymore."

Andy's eyes trailed over to the laundry basket where Sam's sweatshirt was sitting on top, "I know."

Gail laid a hand on Andy's shoulder, "Two days."

Andy gave her a small smile, "Two days." She nodded

Andy drove by the plain unmarked surveillance van a few blocks from the warehouse, where the meeting with Damien would take place. She felt more than knew that Sam was in the van. She hoped that Oliver would actually be able to keep him in the van this time. "Testing. Can you hear me Bernie?" Andy asked

"Loud and clear." Bernie said, "Just make sure you keep your hair over your ear and your jacket open."

"Got it."

Andy parked behind the warehouse along with several other cars, "Looks like the whole crew is here." She said to Johnny who had pulled up at the same time.

"He just wants to make sure there are no screw ups tomorrow." Johnny said. He had a soft spot for Annie, she reminded him of Sarah. And, god did he love Sarah; it devastated him when he found out that Damien was the one who had actually killed her. One day he would get his revenge. In the mean time if he could keep Annie safe, then that would be the least he could do for Sarah.

They walked in together and moved to stand over by Marky. "Where's your boy toy?" He asked snidely

Andy scoffed, "I left him at the hotel." She rolled her eyes at the kissy faces Marky was making, "Can we get started please?" She asked as Damien walked in to the front of the half circle they had formed.

"Anxious to get back to your lover, Annie?" Damien sneered, "The one who put his nose in where it didn't belong."

Andy tried not to let her anxiety show, "He was drunk, he didn't know what the hell was going on."

"Well I'd prefer you bring him with you tomorrow so I can make sure for myself he will keep the information to himself." Damien said and Andy could tell from his tone that it was not a question, but a demand. But she had to try anyway.

"I don't really think that's necessary. He'll be going back home tomorrow anyway." Andy argued

"Tell him, his plans have changed." He glared at Andy. She nodded finally. "Now, on to more important things." Damien said and spent the next hour detailing the plan for tomorrow. He laid out where everyone was supposed to be and the exact specifications of the weapons they were supposed to carry with them.

As soon as she was out of sight of the warehouse Andy swore loudly. "Sam Swarek, I hope you are listening right now. I am going to kill you for dragging yourself into this. Do you have any god damn idea what you have done?"

She heard a chuckle in her earpiece, "Yeah, he's here, just not on comm. But you should know he's smirking right now." Oliver said, "Ow! What! You are!" Andy assumed that Sam had just hit him.

Andy groaned inwardly and she made her way back to her apartment. This was such a mess right now. What was she going to do? Damien was so unstable right now. He could just snap at any time. She would be spending the night at the police station tonight so there was no chance that anyone would spot her before the bust tomorrow. She packed a bag of everything she needed and waited for Gail to pick her up.

Andy was just finishing packing when she heard the knock at the door. She yanked the door open with a smile, "It's about time you-." She broke off when she saw who was standing on the other side. "Sam?"


	11. Chapter 10

*You'll probably recognize a few lines from the show Obviously, I don't own anything, just borrowed the lines to help the story a little bit!

Chapter 10

"Sam?" Andy repeated, "What are you doing here? Where's Gail."

He had frozen the second she opened the door, the brown wig that she had on reminded him exactly of how she used to look and his heart broke all over again with how much he missed her and how much her leaving had hurt him. When she called him name a second time he snapped out of his trance. "What?"

Andy almost smiled, "I asked what you were doing here."

"I told Peck I'd come and get you. We need to talk." He pushed his way into her apartment. He looked around at the lack of furniture. He moved over to the door to her bedroom and his eyes took in the air mattress in the corner under the window. "Where's all your stuff?"

"It's still in storage." Andy said, "Seriously Sam, you shouldn't be here."

"It's fine. I know how to make sure I'm not followed." He turned to face her then, "We need to have this out and I'd rather do it when we're not on comm."

"Fine, you want to have it out, that's fine. But not here and not now." Andy said struggling to keep her anger in check. "Do you understand the danger you are in? We're going to the station right now and we are going to make sure your story is flawless."

"You can't keep running from this." He shouted at her then, "I have a right to know why you left."

Andy shouted back then, "What gives you the right to know anything Sam! You've done nothing but criticize my every move since I came back."

He looked at her incredulously, "You can't be serious right now; Of course I have the right. The last couple weeks we were together gave me that right."

"I'm not doing this with you now. We're not doing this now." Andy's jaw was clenched, "Not today."

Sam opened his mouth to argue.

"I mean it Sam." Andy snapped, "I cannot do this now." Without another word she grabbed her duffle bag and walked out of the apartment. When he finally followed she locked the door behind him and they wordlessly got in his truck.

The drive was silent, with tension so thick it could be cut with a knife. Everyone felt that tension as Sam and Andy walked in to the precinct.

Gail cornered Andy in the locker room a few minutes later. "What happened? I thought when Sam asked if he could come get you, you guys would talk."

"Well if you call screaming at each other talking. Then yeah, we talked." Andy said sarcastically

"I'm sorry Andy." Gail said, "I really thought it would be a good idea for you guys to talk before the op tonight."

"It's not your fault. I made it worse than it should have been." Andy sighed, "He does have a right to know, I'm just not ready to tell him everything. I need to get through tonight and the next couple days first."

By Andy's tone, Gail could tell that the topic was closed for the moment. She watched as Andy pulled off the brown wig and began to transform herself into Annie Clark. She slipped a tiny pistol in to the back pocket of her pants and two other guns into the holster she had slipped her arms through. She pulled on a knee length trench coat that would cover her extra weapons. She met Gail's eyes in the mirror. "I'm ready."

Andy met Sam in the parade room. They would have a few minutes to themselves to work out their story before the rest of the team would meet them for assignments.

Just outside the room a group of people had clustered together and were watching the scene unfold in the parade room.

"What are we looking at?" Dov asked walking up to the group.

"Andy's giving Sam their cover story." Traci said

"Do you see his face?" Jerry asked, "If looks could kill…"

"Did you see both of them when they walked in." Oliver asked, "McNally looked like she wanted to strangle him."

"According to Noelle, Sam just wants answers but McNally refuses to talk." Chris piped in.

"Doesn't surprise me. McNally doesn't like to be cornered and Sam keeps putting the pressure on." Oliver said

"Would you girls shut up."? Gail snapped, "I'm trying to hear what they are saying."

Back in the parade room and unaware of their audience; Andy was glaring at Sam as she paced the room.

"Well, since you insisted on ignoring what I asked you to do and you dragged yourself into this we better get your story straight so Damien doesn't have you killed." Andy said, clearly annoyed with the situation.

Sam rolled his eyes, "Don't worry about me. I can handle whatever he's got."

Andy clenched her fists. "Look, the most basic explanation is probably the best. We used to hook up and then when I moved we lost touch and we ran in to each other a couple months ago and picked up where we left off."

"Hook up? Really?" Sam said sarcastically.

"Yes, hook up. They wouldn't believe that we had a relationship." Andy explained

Sam was a little offended by that, "Why not?"

"Because I…Annie doesn't do relationships." Andy sighed deeply and finished her sentence in a near whisper. "Fear of being left and all that."

Sam's expression softened just a fraction. "Andy…"

"No." Andy held up a hand, "I'm not doing this."

Sam stared at her a minute longer, "You can't keep pushing me away. It won't work. I'm not going anywhere." He said crossing his arms of his chest

"Sam, please." Andy pleaded. "Just go get ready."

"Stop!" He burst out suddenly, "This is ridiculous. You are acting stupid."

"How dare you!" Andy shouted, "You have no idea what I've gone through this year!"

"And, whose fault is that?" Sam shouted back, "No one forced you to leave and stay gone for a year."

"Ugh!" Andy threw up her hands; "I am so tired of having this same conversation with you. I don't know how many times I have to say, 'not now'. So let me try this one more time, slowly since you apparently don't understand. I CANNOT DO THIS NOW."

Andy stormed out of the room, past the onlookers who all tried to look busy. When she past them they turned back to the parade room just in time to see Sam hurl a chair across the room. Still pacing he had his hand on either side of his head, before finally stopping and slamming his hands down on a table, "Son of a bitch."

"Uh, Sam?"

"What!" He shouted, then seeing it was only Oliver, "Oh, sorry man. It's been a rough couple of days."

"Yeah, I heard." Oliver said, "Look Sammy, we don't have a lot of time before you and McNally have to go, but you really need to give her a break right now."

"She's acting ridiculous. I mean did you hear what she said in the car about being shot and stabbed, how am I supposed to react, really?" Sam said incredulously

"I hear you, man. And, honestly I really do agree. But what McNally needs right now is for you to drop it so she can focus on getting through this whole mess alive so she can start fixing her life." Oliver said.

"Ok, Dr. Phil." Sam said sarcastically

"I'm serious Sammy." Oliver said, "I know your pissed and a little remorse from her for what she put you through would be nice. But you remember the last time you and McNally went undercover, how dangerous it was. You both almost died. This is so much more dangerous. You've got to cut her some slack, she's just trying to focus on one thing at a time."

Sam sighed, "I know your right, but man I just want to strangle her with some of the things she's been saying."

Oliver grinned, "That's a woman for you." The two men laughed, "Alright, let's get you ready."

Andy felt a familiar sense of déjà vu as she stood between Sam and Oliver in the parade room, listening as Best, Jerry and Boyd gave the rest of the team their assignments and placements. She watched Sam out of the corner of her eye; her heart was racing in fear for him.

"Ok, Officers Swarek and McNally; posing as a couple are going to meet Damien and the rest of his crew at the warehouse on the pier. Now, we don't know if they will be separated or if they'll be kept together through the buy. So be on the lookout for any surprises." Jerry said to the group, "We've got Officer Williams and Peck and Detective Boyd heading up the cover teams. They'll give you your specific assignments."

Best stepped up then, "From this point forward there will be no cell phone calls, no texts, no e-mails. Nobody contacts anyone not on their team. We've got one chance to do this and one chance only. McNally has been laying the foundation for this all year. So let's do it. Lets go."

The officers separated and moved to meet with their assigned cover team leaders. Gail moved away from her group and quickly grabbed Andy and pulled her out of the parade room. "Look, you know me. I really never had a real friend before you went undercover and the shit hit the fan and I found you. So if you can please do me a favor and stay alive, I would really appreciate it."

Andy laughed and pulled Gail into a hug, "I promise. No funny business."

Sam cleared his throat as he walked up to the two women. "McNally. You ready?"

Andy turned to him and an unspoken understanding passed between them, "Of course."

They walked together outside to the SUV; Andy sat in the passenger seat while Sam drove. They were silent, but every once in a while they would glance at each other out of the corner of their eyes. They were almost to the warehouse when Sam finally spoke.

"Come on, I want to hear you say it."

Andy looked at him confused, "Say what?"

Sam smiled at her when the stopped at a red light, "That your scared, that you don't think you can do it. Whatever it is, come on. Get it out now."

In all the surveillance vans and everyone in the 15 and a few other divisions that were helping out, who were on comm, looked at each other confused.

But Andy laughed, "Seems to me we had this conversation the last time we went undercover. I think I told you I was tired of feeling like I was never ready for anything and that I was constantly faking. Which is ironically fitting right now."

Sam smiled, his dimples flashing, "And what did I say to you?"

Andy smiled what felt like her first real smile in a year. She could remember like it was yesterday word for word what he said to her. Just as Sam pulled to a stop in the parking lot beside the warehouse, she spoke. "You said, 'McNally, listen to me. I've been with you since you started and I've seen how far you've come and I'm telling you right now there's no one I'd rather go through that door with. So if you can't trust yourself on that, then trust me. 'Cause you're ready.' " She turned to face Sam, "I did you know. Trust you. I don't think I would have been able to get out of the car that day if it wasn't for what you said to me."

"Did trust me?" Sam asked

"Do trust you." Andy amended, "And, I'm sorry. I haven't been very fair to you since I got back."

Sam pulled her to him then, "After tonight, we've got all the time in the world to fix everything."

She leaned in to kiss him when a sharp knock at the window made them jump apart. Andy rolled down the window. "What do you want Marky?"

"Damien's waiting for you."

"Ok, we'll be right in." Andy sighed and rolled the window back up. She and Sam got out of the car and Sam reached for her hand, hoping to calm her. It unnerved him as he watched her transform into Annie Clark. Together they walked to the pier and into the warehouse.

"Ah, the lady of the hour has arrived." Damien said sarcastically, "With her boyfriend. And your name is?"

"Scott Matthews." Sam said calmly

"Well Mr. Matthews. Right this way." Damien pointed to a room to his left.

Andy's grip had tightened on his hand, although her facial expressions hadn't changed. To calm her, he leaned in a gave her a quick kiss, "See you in sec babe."

She pulled him back to her and wrapped his arms around her underneath her coat. "There is a small pistol in my back pocket, grab it." She whispered. She kissed him again and felt him remove the gun.

"Mr. Matthews." Damien said again, clearly annoyed

"Yeah, I'm coming." Sam said and moved away from Andy.


	12. Chapter 11

*So, I had a really hard time writing this for some reason. I had an image in my head of how I wanted everything to work out…but it would translate into writing very well. Anyway, I still hope you like it

Chapter 11

There was nothing she could do for him now. She knew that, but it didn't help ease the panic that was building inside her. The best thing she could do for him was to stay calm and not let any emotion show.

Andy walked over to the table in the middle of the room, under the guise of looking at all her weapon options for the night. She tried to listen for any sounds of trouble from the room that Damien had taken Sam into. She would blow her cover and ruin this whole deal if it meant saving his life. _But lets hope it doesn't come to that. _She thought.

Sam followed Damien into the tiny room. Damien sat down at the table; the 2 bodyguards that followed them in stood by the door their eyes following Sam's every move.

Damien laid his gun on the table and motioned for Sam to take the seat across from him, "So Mr. Matthews. Tell me, how do you know our little Annie?"

Sam forced himself to relax in the chair and to casually cross his ankles in front of him. "Oh me and Annie go way back." He chuckled as if remembering something funny, "Anyway, I ran in to her probably about a month ago and we just picked up where we left off; if you know what I mean." He smiled.

"And, what are you doing in town. I was under the impression that you lived elsewhere." Damien asked ignoring Sam's last comment.

"Just helping a friend out. I work on cars and he needed my expertise." Sam said cockily

Damien looked doubtful, "Uh-huh. Well Mr. Matthews I don't think I need to tell you the seriousness of involving yourself in my business."

Sam just looked at him, words didn't seem to be needed.

"Normally, we take care of anything that I deem to be a threat." Damien continued, "I certainly don't trust you but as our Annie seems to like your company I'll let you live. However, if you cross me don't think I will hesitate to kill both you and Annie for bringing you around."

"I don't think that will be necessary." Sam said, "I'm just along for the ride."

Andy breathed a sigh of relief when Sam came walking out a few minutes later. He calmly slipped an arm around her waist and pulled her close, "Its OK." He whispered as he pressed a kiss on her cheek.

She allowed herself a moment to curl into him before she pushed away. Her bad feeling had intensified; she just wanted this night to be over. Bernie had them both on comm; so everyone could hear what they were saying but he had muted their ear pieces so they couldn't hear what was going on outside. If it became necessary he could override the mute and they would be able to hear their team's chatter.

Her phone beeped just then signaling a text. "It's Landry, they're here. The shipment will arrive at the pier in about 10 minutes."

"Alright guys, lets move." Damien said

Sam watched as what had to be at least 50 illegal weapons were picked up by various members of Damien's crew including Andy and were secured somewhere on them. He noticed that the serials numbers on the guns had been filed off. _Definitely stolen._ He thought.

The group of at least 20 people, including Andy and himself walked out of the warehouse on to the pier. Landry and Bergen came with a crew of their own. Andy walked forward with Damien, pushing Sam to the back of the group as she went. "Boys, I'd like you to meet my boss, Damien."

The men shook hands. Moments later the boat carrying the shipment pulled in to the pier. Both sides stood at the ready, in case of an ambush. They waited as the shipment started to be unloaded. Damien motioned for someone behind him. Marky appeared with a large duffle bag; "5 million, as agreed." Damien said and went to hand it to the men.

Andy stopped him, "I'd like to check the shipment first." She smiled at Landry and Bergen, "Not that I don't trust you boys, but you can never be too careful when this much money is involved."

They laughed indulgently and Landry motioned her on to the boat. She picked a random box that was waiting to be unloaded to check. Looking to make sure no was around to over hear, she spoke. "It's all here; the drugs and weapons. When I get back down Damien will hand over the money. All teams get into position. Once the money has changed hands move in."

Behind her, she heard the unmistakable click of a gun being loaded. She whipped around and her mouth fell open in shock as she stared at the man who had the gun that was pointed at her. "Detective Bibby?"

Derek Bibby laughed cruelly, "Andy McNally. Isn't this a surprise." His voice indicating that clearly it wasn't.

"What are you doing here?" She asked

"Making sure you get what's coming to you, of course." Bibby laughed as he motioned with the gun for her to move forward.

"What do I have to do with this?" Andy said, desperate to keep him talking. She slowed her pace trying to take as long as possible to get back to the pier. Finally, she heard chatter in her ear and knew Bernie had taken her and Sam's comm's off mute.

"You turned me in, you ruined my life." Bibby spat, shoving her forward. "I heard through some contacts that you had vanished and suddenly your mother's sister shows up. I knew it was you and I knew that if I waited long enough I would get my chance to make you pay."

They had finally reached the stairs to walk back to the pier, Bibby let out another bark of humorless laughter. "Sam Swarek. I should have known you wouldn't be that far from McNally."

Sam's eyes widened as he watched his former colleague hold Andy at gunpoint and push her back towards the waiting crowd. Fear clutched at his insides. Being on the force as long as he had and going undercover, had taught him to trust his gut and it was a good thing he did. Earlier he was able to take a couple extra guns aside from the pistol that Andy had slipped him. So at least he was armed. But they were still severely outnumbered. Hopefully, the teams were deployed and almost in position to make a move soon. His mind was working overtime, trying to figure out how to get Andy away from Bibby. There wasn't anything he wouldn't do to save her life right now.

Andy's eyes found his; she gave an apologetic smile. And, jerked her head a fraction to the left towards the warehouse. "Go." She whispered, knowing he could hear her now that they weren't on mute.

"I'm not leaving you." Sam said quietly moving back to try and find a better vantage point to shoot from.

"What the hell is going on D?" Bergen asked, "What are you doing to Annie."

"Why, I'm going to kill her of course." Bibby said, as though the answer should have been obvious. "And, her name isn't Annie. It's Andy McNally. She's not Sarah's sister, she's her daughter; the cop."

"Police!" Sam shouted, "Put your weapon down."

Bibby laughed harshly, "There you are Swarek, I was wondering where you went." His smile faded as he heard the sounds of sirens and saw the multiple SUV's pull up and people were coming at them from all angles.

And, all hell broke loose.

Damien, Landry and Bergen's men all drew their weapons. And the gunfire they rained down made it seem like World War III. Tear gas was fired as people ran in all directions shooting at each other. Andy turned quickly on the spot and knocked Bibby's arm, sending the gun flying. He swung; she tried to avoid it but was still knocked on the side of her face. She saw stars for a moment. He took that opportunity to lunge for her then; grabbing her around the throat and knocking them both to the ground. She kicked and struggled to break free. The dark was closing in when finally; his weight was taken off her. She looked over and saw Johnny knocking Bibby out.

She wanted to thank him as she scrambled to her feet. But he ducked away quickly and she was forced behind one of the crates as the bullets still flew. She heard the commotion through her earpiece. Neither side was backing down. A few had been apprehended but this was still a long way from being finished.

Looking around the corner she saw Damien and Marky laying fire on Traci, Chris and Dov. She fired a few rounds, aiming next to them and above their heads. Her goal of distracting them from her friends was successful but it also gave away her position. When Damien saw her his eyes narrowed dangerously. He pulled out a second weapon and charged towards her. Andy didn't give it a second thought and took off running despite the bullets flying in all directions.

Sam saw her run through the haze, but she disappeared before he could see when she went. He and Noelle we locked in battle with Landry and Bergen; finally, they were able to subdue them. It seemed as though the fights were nearly over. The air was no longer filled with the sound of gunshots. Back up had arrived in the form of SWAT and other divisions. With the extra assistance, they were able to apprehend much of Landry, Bergen and Damien's teams.

Gail ran faster than she had ever run in her life, she made it past of the division when Chris finally was able to grab her, "What's going on?"

She could hardly speak, the fear evident in her eyes. "Andy." She whispered and pointed up.

Chris turned and his stomach dropped. Shaw, Sam and other officers from the 15th were nearby and heard her whisper through their earpieces and saw where her finger pointed.

"NO!" Sam shouted and took off running.


	13. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

What was she thinking, running up on top of the ship? That was stupid, she should have run to the warehouses, there were so many more places to hide. Not that it really mattered; he was right behind her the whole time. He had yanked her hair from behind pulling her back towards him and the fight began.

With every blow she sustained, her body protested. She was tired; tired of fighting; tired of surviving. When would it all just stop? She tried to fight back, she really did. "You'll never win." She said as she blocked another punch.

Damien laughed menacingly, "It looks to me like I already have. I'm going to kill you just like I killed your mother."

"You might kill me, I don't really care." Andy said standing up straight and staring back at him, "But you're finished, I've got everything; video footage, copies of all your books, information about every murder and deal you've ever made. Tonight was the final nail in your coffin. You're done." She spat.

Rage contorted his face. Cold hard fury was etched in his every feature. He reached for the gun he almost forgot he had. And raised it.

Andy saw him raise the gun; she knew she should run, but her feet seemed rooted to the ground. She heard people yelling her name, she picked Sam's voice out of the crowd and thanked god that he was alive. With his voice echoing in her head, she smiled softly as she stared down at the barrel of a gun.

BANG

She fell back, over the side of the ship, hitting her head as she fell. The darkness closed in as the cold surrounded her; the water enveloping her like a blanket.

Oliver and Dov tackled Damien, handcuffing him immediately. Jerry and Chris were holding Traci and Gail back as they screamed for their best friend. Sam ran past all of them and without a second thought threw himself off the side of the ship.

The freezing water hit him like a blow to the chest. He gasped for air, the cold almost too great. But he had to find her. He struggled to see under the water. The light from one of the SWAT helicopters that was flying overhead shone through for a moment and he saw the flash of her blonde hair just a few feet away. He rose to the surface, to take one more breath. He heard his friends and coworkers shouting for him. "I found her. Get the medics ready!" He plunged back down, it seemed to take forever to get to her; but finally his hand closed on her wrist and he pulled her to him.

Sam's lungs were burning as he pulled him and Andy to the surface. He met Noelle and Oliver at the edge of the dock. Together, they pulled Andy out of the water and he followed quickly. Everyone was talking at once. "Where the hell are the medics?" Gail shouted

"Where was she shot?"

"Is she breathing?"

"Someone do something!"

"Shut up!" Noelle shouted, her fingers were pressed to Andy's neck, her ear down by Andy's mouth; desperately trying to detect signs of life. "God, I can't feel anything."

Sam stared down at the blue woman, "She is not dead. I'm not letting her die." He pushed Noelle away and breathed twice into Andy's mouth. Her chest didn't rise.

The paramedics came running just as Sam started chest compressions. Oliver and Jerry pulled Sam off Andy so the paramedics could do their jobs. They loaded her onto a gurney, continuing compressions as they ran to the waiting ambulance, shouting stats to each other as they ran.

The ambulance took off before Sam could reach them to ride with her. He watched, as the lights finally faded in the distance not know if the love of his life was alive or dead.

Jerry or Noelle must have talked with Best and gotten the all clear to leave because the next thing he knew he was being pushed into the SUV with Oliver and Dov. Jerry, Chris, Traci and Gail followed in the car behind them.

Sam didn't know when they did it, but he was wrapped in a blanket and staring down at his trembling hands. He was consumed with guilt, he had left her alone to be hurt, and this was he fault. He should have done better, or been faster.

"There wasn't anything you could have done, Sammy." Oliver said suddenly, as if he knew exactly what his friend was thinking.

Sam snorted, clearly indicating he didn't believe a word Oliver was saying.

Dov piped in then, "She's played this whole thing from the beginning, its entirely possible that she knew to an extent what would happen tonight and didn't tell us to protect us."

They were silent for the rest of the drive, no one could think of anything to say.

At some point over the next several hours, one of the rookies had brought Sam some dry clothes from his locker at the barn. They had also brought the group coffee and some sandwiches, it was clear that Best had no plans for them to come back to the station anytime soon.

Sam paced. Looking back, all the way to when Andy first reappeared; he thought about everything. Everything he could have done differently. He was looking for something that would have stopped them from ending up here tonight. There had to have been something he could have done, some way he could have gotten to her sooner.

Finally, the door to the waiting room opened and the doctors went in. "You're all here for Officer McNally?"

"Yes, we're her friends. How is she?" Traci asked desperately.

"Very well actually. The bullet went right through her shoulder, but there were no serious complications from that. But she took a nasty hit on her head when she fell and of course the hypothermia; she stopped breathing for a moment, but the EMT's were able to resuscitate her en route." The doctor continued, "We're moving her now out of recovery into a private room. I don't expect her to wake up tonight but you can go in one at a time and see for yourself that she's fine if you like."

They all shuffled in later to check on Andy and once reassured the group slowly dispersed until in was just Sam and Gail sitting in chairs at Andy's bedside despite the doctors request of only one person.

"She almost came back once before, you know." Gail said suddenly.

Sam looked at her, surprised.

Gail sighed and continued, "It was only a few weeks after disappeared, I was doing some work for Frank in his office and there was this continuous beeping and for the life of me I couldn't figure out where it was coming from. I know I shouldn't have but the beeping was driving me crazy. I started going through his desk drawers and through the pockets of his coats that he had hanging up and finally I found it. It was a cell phone; one of those disposable ones and it had a text. All it said was _Help. State and 10__th__."_

"Why are you telling me this?" Sam asked

"Because its important." Gail said and continued with her story, "I should have gone to Best right away, but I thought maybe if I took care of whatever it was by myself it would push me ahead of the other rookies. So I went; I assumed that it was an intersection, but I really didn't know where. I put the streets into the GPS and it took me to this awful part of town. Hookers and drug deals in broad daylight. I was scared to be alone out there. I didn't know what to look for or even really where to look. I pulled the car back into an alley." She stopped then not sure if she should continue.

Sam's fists were clenched and unconsciously he reached forward to grip Andy's hand. It was though he needed to again reassure himself that she was here and alive. "She was there." It was more of a statement than a question.

Gail nodded, closing her eyes as though recalling the memory. "I didn't see her at first but when I got out of the car I heard a moan. She was half hidden behind some trashcans, leaning against the brick wall barely conscious. She had been beaten so bad, her eyes were practically swollen shut; the bruises were already forming on her body. And she was clutching her stomach, she just kept whispering _no, please, no._" She finished the last part of the sentence quietly, the anger written on Sam's face was fierce.

"Was she pregnant?"


	14. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

It was the way she had whispered the last part that made him ask. There was something in the way; she told him that Andy had been clutching her stomach made him think that she might have been pregnant. He wasn't sure he could handle the answer, but he just had to know.

Gail nodded pressing her hands to her eyes. "I put her in the car and she was just clutching my hand from the pain and she just kept whispering, _please no_. I got her there as fast as I could, the uniform helped, they took her in right away. She had been hurt pretty bad, but so far the baby was still OK. She wasn't that far along. Frank arrived by then and told me what she was doing. She had to move rooms and be put under an alias."

Sam couldn't speak, he was so angry. He stared at Andy's still form, hating that she had gone through this torture alone.

"I couldn't leave her alone there, so after Frank left it was just the two of us. Finally she woke up and thanked me for finding her and we started to talk. She just found out she was pregnant and since things went so bad at the deal that day, she decided she wanted to come back. No one was making her stay undercover, so now with the baby, it was just too dangerous. And, she missed you. She was going to talk to Frank in the morning and say she was done." Gail explained

"What happened? Why didn't she come back?" Sam asked, although he had a feeling he already knew the answer.

"She finally fell asleep around midnight. I didn't want leave, so I had the nurse bring a cot in so I could sleep a little. It was after three when I heard her; she was calling your name curled up in a ball in the bed." Gail laid a hand on Sam's arm, her eyes sparkled with regret as she relived the night, "She fought so hard to hold on to it, but there wasn't anything that the doctors could do. She lost the baby Sam."

"Why didn't anyone call me?" Sam asked angrily, "I had a right to know."

"She disappeared." Gail said, "I was supposed to bring her home the next night. I just went to get some clothes for her to wear back from the hospital and when I came back she was gone. We didn't hear from her for weeks. Finally, I saw her jogging one morning when I was out doing the same thing myself. I followed her up to a roof in downtown. I confronted her but it was too late, she was already deep into Damien's organization and since there wasn't a baby anymore she didn't see a reason to come back."

"God, I'm so angry with her." Sam said jumping up out of his chair and began pacing the room, "She should have told me. It shouldn't be a year later that I'm finding all this out."

"You're right."

Sam whipped around to look at Andy. He hadn't seen that she had woken up. He ran back to her side, "How are you feeling?" He asked brushing a hand across her forehead pushing her hair to the side.

"I'm going to get the doctor." Gail said, quickly walking out of the room to give them some privacy.

"How do you feel?" Sam asked again.

"I'm OK. A little sore." Andy said, "Sam, about the baby."

Sam turned away from her, "I can't talk about that right now."

"I'm so sorry Sam." She said softly.

He swore quietly, "Jesus, Andy. Stop saying you're sorry. I don't want you to be sorry. I want truthful full answers out of you so I can figure out how I'm going to get past this. But, I can't hear it now because I'm so happy that you are alive, but I'm so mad at you I can hardly see straight." He knew he was yelling but he couldn't help it.

They stared at each other for a long time. Neither one really knew what to say now. Just then the doctor walked in and asked Sam to leave the room so he could check Andy.

Gail was in the waiting room when Sam came in. "I've got to go." He said.

"What?" She asked, "You're just going to leave her?"

"I just need some time. This a lot to take in." Sam said

Gail nodded, understanding. "Just make sure you come back. She's going to need you."

Gail walked back into Andy's room a few minutes later. Andy smiled sadly at her, "He left, didn't he."

"I think he just needs a little time." Gail said reclaiming her chair next to Andy's bed.

"That was quite a bomb you dropped on him."

"I'm sorry." Gail sighed, "He was just beating himself up and he just needed to understand that there wasn't anything that he could have done differently."

"I'm glad you told him, I just hate that it hurt him even more. I don't know if he'll ever be able to forgive me now. I don't even know if I forgive myself." Andy felt the tears burn at the back of her eyes, but she refused to cry right now. "Go on home to Chris and get some sleep."

Gail shook her head; "I don't want to leave you here alone."

"I'll be fine. They've got me on some pretty good meds, I'll be asleep in no time." Andy reassured her.

"OK, I guess." Gail looked doubtful, "Promise you'll call if you need anything!"

"Promise."

Although she still looked unsure Gail finally left. Once the door closed behind her and the lights turned off Andy leaned her head back against the pillows and looked out the window at the rain that had just started beating against the glass. Finally, the rain lulled her into a restless sleep.

Sam drove aimlessly for a while, not really knowing where he was headed. Finally, he ended up at the Black Penny. He walked in and sat at the bar; he ordered a scotch. Oliver and Noelle joined him then.

"How's McNally?" Noelle asked

"She's fine. The bullet went right through her shoulder; there wasn't really much damage. They were worried about when she hit her head falling off the boat and the hypothermia; but she woke up before I left so I think she'll be just fine." Sam said emotionlessly

"If she's awake, why are you here?" Oliver asked

Sam took a long drink of his scotch, "I had to get out of there. Gail told me some things that had happened to her while she was gone and I just needed to get out and think a little."

"What kind of things?" Noelle asked, looking at Oliver, silently asking if they should drop it.

Sam finished the rest of his scotch in one swallow. "She was pregnant."

"What!" Oliver and Noelle said together.

"Long story short, a deal went bad and she was hurt really bad. Gail found her, baby was still ok at the hospital that night and Andy was going to come back to me so we could start our family. But she lost the baby that night. And, she didn't come back." Sam said this all quickly just staring into his empty glass, lost in his own thoughts.

"So tell me again Sammy, why aren't you with your girl right now." Oliver asked, "You should be with her right now and thanking god that you have a second chance."

"Did you not just hear what I said?" Sam asked incredulously, "She was pregnant-."

Oliver interrupted him, "Yeah, I heard. I also heard that she was beaten and lost that baby. And that she was probably in so much pain emotionally and physically that she could be the thought of trying to come back."

Sam didn't say anything for a long time. Finally he laid his head in his hands.

Noelle put a hand on his back, "Its OK to be mad but I know better than most what its like to lose a baby. I know this is new for you. She's had a year to deal with it and you're just finding out but I promise you that the pain is probably just as fresh for her. It never goes away. Especially with everything she's been through this year. She never had time to grieve."

He nodded, "Thanks." He tossed a few bills on the bar and walked out with out another word. When he stepped outside, the first clap of thunder sounded followed by a bolt of lightening. He sprinted to his truck and had just slammed the door when the downpour started.

The thunder jolted her awake, not that she had been sleeping all that soundly. Andy had always hated storms if she was alone. Something about it terrified her. Seeing the rain hammer down outside, and the thunder booming and the lightening lighting up the sky; Andy felt the first sobs begin to rack her body. She curled slightly on her side not wanting to further injure herself, and stared outside at the storm and cried. She cried for Sam; for their baby and for everything she had lost.

"Oh, Andy."

Andy blinked and looked up into Sam's brown eyes. She hadn't heard him come in.

Sam had stood in the doorway for a while, watching her sleep. The thunder had awakened her and before he could make his presence know he watched her crumble. He brushed his thumbs across her cheeks, wiping away her tears as he whispered her name.

"I'm so sorry Sam." She whispered as she cried harder.

Gently, he maneuvered her body so he wouldn't disturb her injuries and slid into the bed next to her. Sam wrapped his arms around her and she clung to him.

Finally, when Andy had cried herself to sleep, Sam allowed himself to close his eyes and sleep; never letting go of her.


	15. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

_Andy slowly opened her eyes; the room was still dark. It must still be night. She thought. She no longer felt Sam's arms around her and she looked around confused. Andy sat up looking around for Sam, there was no sign of him but her eyes landed on a red trail on the floor leading away from the bed. Is that blood? She wondered. She stood up and followed the trail; her eyes widening, as the puddles of blood grew larger._

_She let out a blood curdling scream when her eyes found the biggest puddle of all and it held Sam Swarek in its midst. She ran and dropped down next to him, crying and screaming for help but no one was coming. She felt desperately for a pulse and found nothing. She continued to scream and cry until she had no strength left and finally collapsed, sobbing on his chest._

Andy bolted up in bed her heart racing, tears flooding down her cheeks. The dream felt so real, she still wasn't sure it hadn't happened. In a feeling of déjà vu she looked around for Sam. He wasn't lying next to her anymore. She stood up slowly; there wasn't any blood on the floor, which was a good sign. He wasn't in the bathroom either. Walking back to her bed, Andy looked at the clock on the wall. It was almost 8:00am already, that's the longest she had slept for as long as she could remember.

A sheet of paper on the bedside table caught her eye.

Andy,

Didn't want to wake you. Had to go to the barn.

Sam

_Didn't want to wake you? Had to go to the barn? Really? That's all he could think to say? _Andy thought, somewhat annoyed. Making a snap decision, Andy grabbed the clothes that someone had left on the chair in her room. She pulled out the IV wincing as she changed. Her clothes were somewhat torn and bloody, but she didn't care. She was getting out of the hospital whether they liked it or not. She needed to go to the barn and see for herself that Sam was ok. Her pounding heart wouldn't let her do otherwise. Andy also knew her co-workers and friends well enough to know that they would try and do Damien's interview while she was gone because they wouldn't want to upset her. But she needed to be there. She needed to hear it.

Peeking her head out the door from her room, she found the hallway deserted. As quietly and as quickly as she could she ran to stairs, not wanting to risk being caught in the elevator. She shoulder and her head were both throbbing, but that wouldn't stop her. Finally, getting outside she realized she didn't have any money with her for a cab. _Oh well. It's only a couple miles to my house. _Andy started to walk; taking care to stay as much out of sight as possible, not wanting any cops out on patrol to recognize her and make her go back to the hospital.

Once she arrived at home, she showered, trying to stay out of the spray as much as possible because of her shoulder. Andy got ready, deciding to wear jeans and a sweater; she wanted to make sure she looked ok so they wouldn't make her go back to the hospital. She did put on some make up and fortunately was able to make her hair presentable with little effort and pain. Getting ready is tough to do one armed she soon found out. Needing the fresh air and a little extra time to prepare herself, Andy started the walk back to the station.

Walking in the familiar doors once again as Andy McNally and not Annie Clark was a nice feeling. It looked like parade had just gotten out because all the officers were still around. That nice feeling didn't last long when the sounds of panicked voices reached her ears.

"What do you mean, she's gone!" Sam shouted, "I just left her a couple hours ago. She was sleeping!"

"Look we're going to send people out to check everywhere she might have gone and we'll find her." Best said

"Or you could just turn around." Andy said

Gail ran up to her then, "Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" She yelled, "The hospital just called saying that you disappeared. We thought that maybe someone had heard about what happened with Damien and was trying to get to you."

Andy looked slightly ashamed, "I'm sorry. I didn't even think of that. I just woke up and didn't want to be there anymore."

Best shook his head, "Well I better call them and let them know we've got you. Everyone else, you have your assignments, let's get a move on it."

When most of the crowd had dispersed Sam walked over to her, "What happened? You were sleeping fine when I left."

Andy refused to meet his eye, "Nothing. I just woke up and didn't want to be there anymore."

"Not buying it McNally." Sam said, "What happened? Nightmare?"

Her eyes filled slightly and she folded her arms across her chest, "I woke up and you weren't there. I was looking for you when I saw the trail of blood on the floor. I followed it to you. You were dead. I screamed and screamed for help, but no one came." Andy said softly, "Then I woke up for real, and you weren't there either." The tears were threatening to fall and she turned and walked away quickly before he could say anything.

Sam sighed sadly and ran his fingers through his hair and followed her into the women's locker room. She was sitting on the bench in front of her locker. They hadn't moved any of her stuff for the time when she finally came back. Andy looked up surprised when he walked in and sat down next to her.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there when you woke up." Sam said, "Best called and they wanted to get my part of the statement from the bust so they could start some interviews."

"I'm not mad at you Sam." Andy said, "You didn't have to come back last night but you did and that means a lot to me. That dream just felt so real, I just needed to get out of there so I could know for sure that you were OK."

"You could have just called." Sam argued, knowing there had to be another reason that she would sneak out of the hospital.

Andy nodded, " I know that. But, I know you also. And, you would have told them to wait and get your statement, but you knew they would need your information to do Damien's interview and you guys didn't want me here for it. But I need to see it."

"Do you think that's a good idea?" Sam asked

"Probably not, but I need the closure." Andy said

Before Sam could respond Traci poked her head in the locker room. "Hey guys, we're ready to start Damien's interview."

Andy stood quickly and walked out of the locker room leaving Sam to follow slowly in her wake.

Jerry stopped them in the hall way, "We've got a bit of a problem guys."

"What is it?" Sam asked, "Did he lawyer up?"

Jerry shook his head and turned to Andy, "He said he'd only talk to you."

"Oh." Andy said and raised her hands to quite Sam's protest, "How does he even know I'm here? I should still be in the hospital."

"He must have heard someone talking about it." Jerry said, "It doesn't really matter. I'm not going to make you do it Andy. And…"

"It's fine." Andy interrupted, "I'll do it."

Sam turned to face her, "I don't think this is a good idea. He tried to kill you."

"Closure, Sam." Andy murmured, "You don't have to protect me from this, I know what I'm doing." She turned to Jerry, "Lets go."

Sam followed Andy and Jerry and the three of them entered the viewing area for the interview room. The area was crowded; it seemed like half the 15 were trying to squeeze into the room. Boyd met Andy and Jerry and the room fell quite as they saw Damien being led into the room.

"Look, we don't really need a lot out of him." Boyd said, "All the information you gathered while you were undercover and everything that happened last night should be more than enough. Just get a feel for him, see if there's anything that he knows or has planned that could ruin all you've done."

Andy nodded, her eyes briefly meeting Sam's and her other co-workers. "Got it."

Andy paused outside the door of interview room 1. She took several deep breaths before walking in. She nodded to the officer in the corner, secretly relieved that he was in the room with her.

Damien looked up from the table he was sitting at and applauded slowly with an evil smirk on his face. "Well, well look what they dragged up from the bottom of the pier.

Andy worked hard at the moment to keep Annie Clark firmly in control. She shot a brief glance to the two-way mirror where she knew Sam would be front and center watching. She let out a sigh as she sat in the chair across from him, "I enjoyed the swim, but the water was a tad chilly for my liking." Andy said as nonchalantly as she could.

They stared at each other for a while, Andy finally breaking the silence. "Well as much as I've enjoyed this enlightening conversation if you don't have anything to say, I think I'll be going." She started to stand.

"You really don't look all that much like her." Damien started talking almost like he was in a trance, "Her eyes I suppose, maybe the nose. But definitely not the attitude, that wasn't Sarah, I should have seen it."

Andy knew she shouldn't ask, she should ignore him and let it go, "Attitude?"

Damien narrowed his eyes, "Of course, Sarah had none. She was spineless, a pawn. Never had an original thought. Of course than you're father came along, and you appeared not long after. She was working for my predecessor then; She lasted a few years in the illusion of a happy family before she came crawling back. It was pitiful really." He seemed lost in thought, reveling in ruining Sarah for her daughter. "I knew she would sneak away sometimes and watch you growing up. I let it go, because as pathetic as she was, she was somewhat useful to the operation. If she had just let it go, things might have been OK. Even when you became an officer, you weren't looking for her; if she had just done her job things might have been different."

Andy cleared her throat, "So you killed her, because she wouldn't kill me that day."

"Oh it wasn't just that." Damien waved a hand, "I mean sure her showing you mercy really pissed me off, especially when she blew the $2 million deal and she killed Miller and his men to save you. But, no it wasn't that; I found out that she had made contact with the police, or your father to be more precise."

"My father?" Andy fought to keep the trembling out of her voice.

"I followed her to meet him one day and heard everything. She begged him to take you away for a while and keep you safe long enough so she could try and put an end to me. As if anyone could." Damien scoffed

"She came to the warehouse that night for our usual meeting. " Damien continued, "I asked her to stay behind. She knew what was going to happen before I even pulled out the gun. She begged and pleaded for her life and yours. She was a waste of space, pathetic and groveling on the floor. Shooting her didn't take nearly as much effort as I thought it would. It really was a pity; when she did what she was told, she was a good little minion." He laughed then, mercilessly, and cruelly.

Andy felt the color drain from her face. "We're done here." She said to the officer. He quickly escorted a laughing Damien from the room. She stood then pacing the room like a caged animal fighting the rage inside. Andy hurled the chair across the room, "Damn it!" She shouted as the pain ripped through her shoulder and her world spun. She found the trashcan in the corner and heaved.

She felt someone's hand on her back, rubbing soothingly. "I've got you baby." Sam whispered, "You did great."

Andy collapsed in Sam's arms and they sunk together to the floor, the tears cascading down Andy's face. "I already knew what happened, this wasn't the first time I heard it. I don't know why it feels like this." She whispered.

They sat together on the floor of the interview room for a while until finally Andy seemed to pull herself together and stood. Sam quickly stood up next to her, holding her steady as she swayed slightly, "You have a concussion Andy. You need to rest."

"I need to give my statement and Best and Boyko wanted to debrief-…"

"Tomorrow." Sam said, "I'm taking you home. You've been through enough today."

Andy opened her mouth to argue but was interrupted again.

"He's right Andy." Best said walking in to the interview room. "The doctor is not happy with you. He's agreed not to make you come back to the hospital with a few conditions. You're not to be left alone and you are to rest. You have an appointment in 2 days and if he's not happy with your progress you'll be readmitted. He called in a prescription for pain medication that you can pick up on your way home. Swarek, I trust you'll be able to handle the patient."

Sam grinned, "Yes, sir."

Knowing it would be pointless to argue Andy followed Sam out. "I want to talk to Gail for a second." She said and walked away through the rows of desks to where her friend sat filling out paperwork.

Gail looked up as Andy approached, her eyes softening as she looked at her friend. "Stupid question I know, but are you OK?"

"I guess." Andy said, "I'm assuming one day it will all get easier."

"Bright side." Gail smiled, "It's over."

"Yeah, it is. There's still my debrief." Andy said

Gail nodded, "That won't be easy, but you can do it. None of us will be in there with you so you don't have to worry about what you say. Just tell the truth."

Andy shrugged, her eyes darting around the room. "Sam's taking me home, probably his home since I have no furniture, I guess. I don't know. I think he's supposed to stay with me all the time for a few days."

"You sound nervous." Gail teased, "Just think of it as Step 1, baby steps Andy."

"I shouldn't be nervous." Andy said quietly, "He's the only man I've ever actually loved and felt completely safe and whole with. But this year happened and I'm worried that once it all comes out, once he knows everything, we'll never be together again."

"That's not going to happen." Gail shook her head, "There's never been a man more in love than Sam Swarek is with you. Seriously, Andy. Without a second thought that man jumped off that ship into the freezing water and he wasn't going to come up unless you were with him." Gail looked pointedly to a spot over Andy's shoulder.

Andy followed Gail's gaze to the other side of the room where Sam was standing talking to Oliver, Jerry and Noelle.

"So, you and McNally are playing doctor, huh?" Oliver joked

"She's recovering and I'm just there to make sure she takes it easy, that's all." Sam said defensively

"Sell that story to people who haven't known you for 10 years." Noelle laughed

"Look, I'm going to be there for her right now and help her get through the next few days. After that we'll work on us. But right now I'm just working on forgiving her." Sam said seriously.

Jerry just laughed, "He's still in his denial phase guys, give him some time."

"Look's like Peck is giving McNally some similar advice." Noelle said, nodding over to where Andy and Gail were talking.

Sam turned and his eyes locked on Andy's. She gave him a small smile a held up 1 finger to show that she would be done in a minute. He nodded and turned back to his friends. "I know how I want this all to work out, but I don't know if it can."

"I'm ready." Andy said quietly walking up to the group

"Are you OK?" Sam asked looking at her concerned, "You're pale."

"It's just been a long day and I think I could really use those meds." Andy laughed softly.

"Alright, see you guys later." Sam put his arm around her waist and led her out of the building to his truck. He had to lift her in because she couldn't pull herself up with the injured shoulder.

"Thanks."

"Anytime." Sam grinned, flashing his dimples. He drove them first to pick up her medicine and then quickly ran in to her favorite Chinese take out place since he knew she probably hadn't eaten all day. And he was right, when he got back in the car with the bags of food, her stomach rumbled.

"Sorry." She smiled

Sam laughed, "Its nice to know some things don't change."

The fell into a more comfortable silence as Sam drove them to his house. He carried the bags around the front of the car and opened the passenger door and lifted her down. Keeping an arm around her they walked up to the house, where he let them in.

"Why don't you throw on a pair of my sweats and we'll eat out here." He pointed to the couch, "Those meds are probably going to knock you out so you should at least be comfortable.

"That sounds good." Andy walked back to his room, trying not to cry at the memories his room brought back. She remembered exactly which sweats of his she liked to wear and she also grabbed a sweatshirt that was lying on his bed.

Determined to put the past out of her mind for the time being. Andy quickly changed; rolling up the pants at the waist several times. Pulling on his sweatshirt Andy couldn't help but pulling it tightly around her and inhaling the sent.

Walking out to the living room, Andy smiled as she moved over to the couch and sat down. Sam had set up their food and already had some of her medicine out and a glass of water. He came out of the kitchen with forks and sat down next to her. "Movie?" He asked

"Sounds good." Andy said.

They ate together in silence watching 'The Hangover', one of Andy's favorite movies. Despite herself after she ate, Andy couldn't help but curl up to Sam. He gently put an arm around her careful not to jar her shoulder.

About halfway through the movie, Sam looked down to find Andy sleeping peacefully. As carefully as he could, Sam stood up and gathered her in his arms. Making his way to the bedroom, he laid her on his bed and pulled the covers up around her. He brushed the hair off her face and placed a soft kiss to her forehead and left the room quietly.


	16. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Sam was restless, it was only 6:00pm; to early to go to sleep. His thoughts were on Andy, napping peacefully in his bed. He could still hardly believe that she was back in his life. He hated to admit it, but he had started to give up hope that she would ever come back. Sam was ashamed to admit that he had given thought to starting to date again; not that he really wanted to. He knew that Andy was the only girl ever for him, but after a while of listening to Oliver, Noelle and Jerry pestering him to move on, it's just easier to give in than argue.

When the kitchen was scrubbed spotless, Sam still feeling restless quietly slipped into his room and grabbed a pair of gym shorts and running shoes. He had turned the den of his house into a weight room; and now felt like the perfect time to blow off some steam.

He turned the stereo on low volume, so he would still be able to hear Andy if she called. Working up a heavy sweat Sam's mind began to drift. More than anything he wanted him and Andy to get past this hurdle and move on with their lives together. But, his stubborn streak and pride was making it difficult. He didn't know how he was supposed to react to the fact that not only did she just vanish, she was pregnant with his child, and was involved in very dangerous activities. It just didn't sit right; she could have told him, he could have gone with her. There had to have been some alternative.

Sam knew that he was driving himself crazy with all these questions that really had no solution because it was all in the past. He needed to move on. They needed to move on; together; somehow. He finished his workout and moving as quietly as possibly he slipped into the bathroom. Under the hot spray of the shower he felt some of the tension ease from his body. He had just shut off the water and was reaching for a towel, when he heard her scream.

"NO! Please, No!"

Sam wrapped the towel firmly around his waist and bolted from the bathroom into his bedroom. Andy was thrashing in the bed. He rushed to her, wanted to wake her before she hurt herself. "McNally, wake up. I'm here."

Andy's eyes flew open at his voice. She was breathing heavily, trying to get her racing heart under control. "I'm OK." She sat up slowly, wincing slightly at the pain in her shoulder. She met Sam's eyes as he reached out and brushed a hand across her forehead, pushing her hair back. "I'm OK." She said again.

"Want to talk about it?" He asked

Andy shook her head, "You're all wet."

Sam laughed, "I was just getting out of the shower when I heard you. Didn't really have time to dry off." He got off the bed and grabbed some clothes. He went back in to the bathroom to dry off and change. Coming back into the room, he climbed in bed next to Andy. "Better?"

"Well, you're wearing a shirt now so the view isn't nearly as enjoyable." Andy joked as she snuggled in next to him.

Sam grinned, "I'll make sure to walk around without a shirt more often then." They laughed together for a moment, "So really, what just happened. Same nightmare as at the hospital?"

"No." She whispered

He pressed a kiss to her forehead and held her tightly, "It's OK, you don't have to tell me. But I think you'll feel better if you do." Sam said

Andy squeezed her eyes tightly trying to erase the images still in her memory. She took a deep breath. "It was about our baby."

Sam's heart constricted and he inhaled sharply, involuntarily squeezing her tighter to him. "Oh."

"I didn't know I was pregnant when I left." Andy began.

"You don't have to tell me this." Sam said, pulling away from her slightly.

"I want to, I need to tell you." Andy said pleadingly, and at Sam's nod she continued. "It was at least a month after I left that I started feeling funny. I was sick all the time and I was late, but I just thought it was the stress of everything. The beginning was really dangerous and I was terrified all the time. So, of course I would be stressed. But then it was another two weeks and still nothing. So I bought a few tests and they were all positive."

She turned to face Sam. He was sitting stiffly with his back against the headboard, his arms folded across his chest staring straight ahead. Andy reached out and touched his arm, when he turned to look at her she continued. "I knew I was done after I saw the positive marks, although it took me a little while to come to that conclusion; but work I was doing wasn't worth putting our baby at risk and I wanted more than anything for us to be a family."

Sam was looking forward again, his jaw set. She could see the muscles in his shoulders bunched with tension. Andy didn't try and touch him again, "It was just supposed to be a normal sale. But my usual contact didn't show up that day. He sent one of his goons, who was so strung out he didn't know up from down. I tried to walk away but that made him angrier. I tried to defend myself, but he was just too strong. I don't know how long it went on or why he stopped; all I knew was I had to protect our baby. I could barely move, but I managed to get a text to Best. Then the next thing I knew Gail showed up and took me to the hospital."

Andy took a deep breath and looked up somewhat startled when Sam slipped his hand into hers. Without saying a word he gave her the strength she needed to continue. "The doctors did everything they could to stop the bleeding and they said that if I could make it through the night, the baby might have a chance. I tried to hard to hold on." Her voice broke, "But I lost the baby and after that for a while nothing else mattered. I'm so sorry Sam. I'm sorry I couldn't save our baby." She cried then, harder and harder as he wrapped her in his strong arms and they grieved together for the child he didn't even know he could have had.

When her crying finally subsided, she took a deep breath and looked up at Sam. "Thanks."

"Thank you for telling me." Sam said, "Are you hungry? You should eat something." It was clear that the subject was closed for Sam at the moment.

"Maybe some soup, or your famous chili?" Andy said with a smile, understanding his need to process what she had told him.

Sam tried to grin back at her, and succeeded for the most part, but Andy knew him well enough to see the turmoil in his eyes. He cleared his throat. "I think I could manage that."

Alone in the kitchen Sam tried to stop the stampede of thoughts that was running through his head. It was so much to process and they hadn't even talked yet about why she left in the first place. Did he even really want to know? _Yes. I can't move on until I do. _Sam thought. As he was adding spices to the simmering chili he heard his bedroom door close and the prickle on the back on his neck let him know that Andy had walked into the kitchen.

Andy knew he could tell she had walked in by the way the muscles in his shoulders tensed. She wanted to give him space, but couldn't sit in his room alone any longer. She was driving herself crazy wondering what he was thinking about.

"Smells good." Andy said

Sam glanced back at her, "It needs to simmer for a little bit, but it shouldn't be to long. I know how you get when you're hungry."

"I don't know what you're talking about." She laughed, "I'm always kind and gentle, even when I'm hungry."

Sam laughed, but wisely didn't say comment, choosing to change the subject instead. "How's your shoulder?"

"It's OK." Andy said, wincing only a little when she rolled her shoulder. "The meds knock me out, so I'll wait and take some in a little bit."

Sam nodded, "You'll still have to take it easy still tomorrow, but we'll have to go by your place for the movers."

"Frank's getting my stuff out of storage?" Andy asked, "That was fast."

"I asked him where all your stuff was." Sam said, "I mean as much as I love sharing my clothes with you, I figured you probably want some of your own stuff."

"Yeah, it'll be nice to have my stuff back." Andy agreed

An uncomfortable silence fell between them. Neither really knew what to say next; the beeping of the timer saved them. "Dinner's ready." Sam said

A short while later on the couch over the noise of the hockey game on the TV, Andy sighed, "That was delicious. I really missed your cooking."

Sam smiled, "Glad you liked it."

Andy tried to stretch out her sore muscles and winced at the pain that ricocheted through her body.

"Time to take those pills McNally." Sam said as he hopped off the couch and grabbed her medicine off the counter and brought her a glass of water, "It's getting late anyway so you won't be missing anything if you go to sleep."

"OK." Andy stood up, "Are you going to come soon?"

Sam paused and looked away for a moment, "Yeah. I'll be in soon."

"Thanks." She smiled and walked back to his bedroom.

Sam watched her walk away and sighed, He had been planning on sleeping on the couch that night to give them both some space and time to think. Apparently, that wasn't what she wanted; and if it helped her to get a good nights sleep by having him there then that was fine. Sam watched the rest of the hockey game and quickly cleaned the kitchen.

Walking in the bedroom, he smiled at Andy who was sprawled on his bed completely dead to the world. He changed quickly and brushed his teeth before climbing in bed next to her. Despite her pain killer induced sleep, Andy sensed his presence somehow and immediately snuggled up next to him. Sam adjusted her body so her shoulder wouldn't hurt in the morning and held her close to him. Finding relief in the fact that he was holding her in his arms and that she was back Sam finally fell into the best sleep he had in a long time.


	17. Chapter 16

Sorry for the delay everyone…. Honestly, I'm not such a fan of this chapter. I was just at such a loss of how to continue the story and get to where I want to go. But I still hope you enjoy and I promise to try and update soon!

Chapter 16

The next day Andy sat on the couch the movers brought in to her old apartment, while the rest of her furniture was unloaded. Sam had to run to the barn for a few hours to do some paperwork and she had called Traci and Gail to come over and keep her company. Before they were here she asked them to pick her up something and it seemed to be taking them an awful long time.

Just then the two women came running through the door, "I'm sorry it took so long!" Gail said, "Someone couldn't make up her mind."

"I'm sorry!" Traci said, "None of those looked right! Do you know how many different shades of brown there are?"

Andy laughed, "So you didn't get any of them?"

Gail shook her head, "We made an appointment instead and Chris is going to come over and make sure the movers get everything."

So that's how Andy ended up spending the rest of her day at the salon getting pampered and turning her hair back to brown.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" They stylist asked, "Not many people can pull off this color blonde and it looks great on you."

Andy smiled sadly, "Yeah, it's time to stop hiding and get back to being me."

Sam was late leaving the barn that night. It seemed like every time he tried to leave something or someone would stop him. He didn't like admitting it, but it was sort of a relief to be away from Andy for a little while. His resolve was beginning to crumble and as much as he wanted answers a large part of him just wanted to hold her and tell her everything was going to be ok.

Even though it was getting late, he assumed that the girls would still be over at Andy's putting her place back together. When he arrived though he was surprised to see that there were no lights on and although there was now furniture in the place, unopened boxes were everywhere. Trying not to panic because he knew there was no way that Andy would just pick up and leave again. Taking a chance he heading over to his house and sighed in relief that all the lights in his house seemed to be on.

"Andy!" He called entering the house.

"In the kitchen." She called back.

The stereo was on, loudly playing classics that she knew he loved and there was a delicious smell coming from the kitchen. Sam walked back and stopped short at the sight before him. She wasn't wearing anything special, just a nice pair of jeans and a shirt she knew he used to love. But his breath caught in his throat nonetheless. Her bleach blonde hair was back to its beautiful shade of brown and unlike her alias she had little make up on.

Andy felt him staring at her and waited for him to comment. He didn't say anything, "Cat got your tongue?" She joked.

Sam smiled, "Something like that." He walked closer, "I'm glad your back."

"It was time." Andy said and feeling a little uncomfortable under his unwavering gaze changed the subject, "So I'm no chef but I think I've got a handle on this spaghetti sauce. Do you want to make a salad and open some wine?"

"I can do that. Let me just change first." Sam walked back to his bedroom and found his closet had some additions. Quite a few of Andy's clothes were hanging there now and he discovered several of his dresser drawers were now being occupied, the same in the bathroom. He grabbed some clothes and moved in to the bathroom to take a quick shower and change. Coming out of the bathroom he spotted Andy in the doorway. She looked a little nervous.

"I put a few things away." She said a little unsure of what his reaction would be.

Sam laughed, "I noticed."

"I tried to unpack at my apartment, but I couldn't. It didn't feel right to be there." Andy hurried to explain.

"Andy." Sam said grabbing her gesturing hand, "Its fine. Now lets eat, I'm starving."

By unspoken agreement, nothing more was said about her change or her things taking over his bedroom. Nor did they discuss the baby or her reasons for leaving. Both knew that if they were going to have a prayer of making their relationship work they would have to talk about it; however neither was quite ready to deal, for now taking one moment at a time would have to be enough.

Mostly it came from the effort of avoiding certain topics of conversation. Either way, before they knew it 2 bottles of wine were already gone and Andy was opening a third. She had a healthy buzz, which probably wasn't the best idea but she figured it was OK since she hadn't taken any of her pain meds today. To be honest, she needed the uninhibiting feeling the wine gave her. Being with Sam made her nervous; she didn't know how to act. Andy had spent an entire year becoming Annie Clark and in the process burying parts of herself so far down she didn't know how to bring them back.

Sam knew by now she must be feeling quite a buzz. He had tried to limit how much he drank, but he was nervous being alone with her like this. Especially when her favorite song came on the stereo, _she must have plugged in her iPod, _he thought as he watched her let out a little squeal and get up to start dancing with the song. "I love this song." She said laughing as she danced. "Come on Sam, dance with me."

He tried to resist her, but she looked so carefree and beautiful dancing to Madonna's 'Like a Prayer' he couldn't help himself. He let her pull him to his feet and despite himself he moved to the beat. As the song changed to a slower number he pulled her in his arms.

Andy let out a contented sigh and laid her head on his chest and he cradled their joined hands against his chest. They swayed together to Mandy Moore's version of 'Have a Little Faith in Me'. Andy tilted her head back to meet Sam's eyes, "I really missed you." She whispered

Sam couldn't help himself; he leaned down and kissed her softly, "I really missed you too."

Andy unlaced her hand from his to bring her arms up around his neck. She ran her fingers through his hair and pulled him back down to her. They kissed, still swaying to the music and slowly moving towards the bedroom. Neither could tell you who pulled whom to the bed or who started tearing off the others clothes; but before they knew it they were moving together and suddenly the world seemed right again. At the end, when they lay still intertwined both let out a small sigh and they settled into a relaxed dreamless sleep.


	18. Chapter 17

**SORRY it's been so long! Things have been so crazy lately! I've got the second episode on Tivo and I wouldn't let myself watch it until I posted a new chapter …I've already heard some rumors about the 3rd episode and all I have to say is that if Sam and Andy don't end up together soon, I'm going to stop watching! Enjoy!

Chapter 17

Andy was pulled from dreams by Sam pressing his lips to hers, "I'm going in to the station for a few. Frank needs some help."

"OK." Andy said sleepily, "I'll get up." Before she could move to sit up, Sam placed a hand on her shoulder keeping her in bed.

"No, you sleep more." Sam smiled, "You need your rest. I wouldn't have woken you, but I didn't want you to worry when you woke up."

Andy smiled and closed her eyes, "OK, g'night."

Sam laughed softly as he left the bedroom and closed the door softly behind him. He hoped that he wouldn't be to long at the barn and he and Andy could spend the rest of the stormy day on the couch watching movies.

The loud clap of thunder jolted Andy from her sleep. Disoriented she looked around confused. Then she remembered Sam telling her he was going in to the barn. Looking at the clock, she found it was almost lunchtime. Listening to the storm rage outside Andy figured that Sam must have gotten stuck working all the accidents that usually happened during storms. Deciding it would be nice to bring him lunch and to see some of her friends Andy got up and showered and got dressed.

She picked up some sandwiches from their favorite deli on her way. Walking in to the station, the building was oddly quiet. She set the food on Sam's desk and walked over to Frank's office. Stepping inside, she was surprised to see Jerry and Boyd in there. "I'm sorry. I didn't know anyone else was in here." Andy turned to leave.

"Actually, McNally we were just talking about you." Frank said, "Have a seat."

Andy moved to take a seat next to Jerry. He turned to smile at her, "How are you Andy. Sammy taking good care of you?"

She smiled, "I'm fine, thanks."

"Since you're here McNally, do you mind if we start taping your statements." Frank said

Her smile fell slightly, "Umm, sure I guess. I was just bringing Sam lunch and then going home, but I guess if he's going to be a while I can just wait."

"There are quite a few major accidents today, I think he and Oliver are still out making sure all the rookies are ok on site." Jerry said.

"Alright then. Lets do it, I guess." Andy said

They moved into one of the interview rooms, "Figured we might have a little more privacy in here." Boyd said

Andy nodded, "Thanks."

Jerry stepped into the camera room to make sure the AV guys were ready. After checking all the equipment he went in to the room and sat down next to Boyd across from Andy.

"Lets just start with the basics." Boyd said, "Name, division, etc."

Andy cleared her throat, "Um, OK. My name is Andrea 'Andy' McNally. I'm an officer with the 15th division."

"Have you gone by any other alias?" Boyd asked

"Yes, for the past year I've been in deep cover as Annie Clark."

Jerry smiled at her, "That's good Andy. Can you tell us about the call that you and officer Swarek responded to on October 10th last year to 1100 Adam's Street."

Andy nodded and mentally prepared herself for what she was about to say. "When dispatch called, Officer Swarek and I were patrolling near Mason Avenue. The call was just for a domestic disturbance, but we recognized the address and realized that we may be approaching a hostile situation. We approached with caution but shots were fired and we took cover. We radioed for back up and tried to get a handle on the situation as much as possible, but there wasn't much we could do until help arrived. Once the SWAT and back up arrived, tear gas was thrown and we were able to gain control of the situation." Andy paused.

"Tell us what happened after the situation was under control." Jerry prompted

"We did a sweep of the house. Several were dead, some just wounded, all strung out and we arrested those we could." Andy said, "I thought we had already gotten everyone from upstairs but something just made me go up. Everything was clear, there were some bodies up there but it didn't appear that anyone was alive. I was about to go back downstairs when I felt an arm come around my waist and I felt the blade on my neck and someone talking. I would have recognized that voice anywhere and I knew it was my mother. She went down the stairs using me as a shield. She walked with me outside, the other officers followed and tried to get her to let me go. Finally she pushed me in to Sam and ran and jumped in a car that came up quickly. I passed out shortly after that and woke up in the hospital, so I don't know what happened but I'm sure the other officers pursued the car."

Boyd glanced up from his notes, "Tell us how you made the decision to go undercover. Frank Best said the whole plan was your idea."

Andy shifted uncomfortably, "Um, well I guess it was about a week after I got out of the hospital I had a rough day at work. Everyone was researching my mother and there were all these horrible things in her file and being said and as mad at her as I was for leaving me when I was a kid, she was still my mom,you know?"

"We understand Andy." Jerry said, "We just need to know why."

"She came to my house that night." Andy said quietly, "She had been shot. She knew she was dying. I called 911 and tried to stop the bleeding but there was just to much, she was to far gone. She pulled me close so I could hear her and she told me that she was sorry and that she loved me. She said that she knew she had made mistakes and that her biggest one was leaving me but she was trying to make up for it and she asked for my help. She told me about the deal with Landry and Bergen and how she thought it would be a way to bring them and Damien down. She said she had planted information about having a sister so it would be easier for someone to believe if someone else took over. She told me his weaknesses and the key members of his circle. Then she told me that she loved me and died." Andy let a tear leak out but quickly brushed it away.

"I spent the next week planning her funeral." Andy continued, "And planning the operation. I came to the barn after the funeral to talk to Frank and Boyko. I told them what she told me and what my plan was. They were shocked at first and even more surprised to hear that I wanted to go undercover. They both argued with me and said that guns and gangs already had women that were more trained for this than I was."

Boyd stopped her then, "So how did you end up going undercover, they were right. We have several women who are more qualified."

"Because it was personal. He killed my mother and when we finally caught him I wanted him to know that I'm the one that put him there because of her. No one else was going to do it but me." Andy said fiercely. "It took like another two weeks for all the details to be finalized. Boyko leaked information to other division about Sarah Clark's sister 'Annie' coming to town. Their UC's were all told and when they asked questions to their contacts it spread out to Damien that I was coming so it was easier to infiltrate. We packed up and emptied my apartment and I was given a different car which we loaded with weapons, disguises and money. The morning I actually left, I bleached my hair, bought colored contacts and a new wardrobe. From that moment on for the next year Andy McNally was gone. I was Annie Clark."


	19. Chapter 18

Thanks for all of the amazing reviews/alerts, etc …I'm having WRITERS BLOCK like crazy. I'm not in love with this chapter and there's not much Sam/Andy in it but hopefully it will get us where I'm hoping to go!

Chapter 18

Boyd glanced down at his phone as it vibrated on the table. "I better take this." He got up and left the room.

Jerry smiled reassuringly at Andy, "I'll go get you something to drink. You just try and relax a little." He followed Boyd out of the room.

Jerry's smiled faded when he looked through the open door of the viewing room and saw Sam standing there, arms crossed against his chest his face tightened in anger. "Sammy, what are you doing here?" He moved into the room to stand next to Sam.

"Accidents mostly cleared up, Ollie and I came back to start on the paperwork." Sam said shortly, "The door was open and I heard Andy start to talk. I couldn't walk away."

Jerry didn't have a chance to respond before Boyd burst in to the room and slammed the door shut behind him. "We need to talk."

Andy ran her hands through her hair and rested her head on the table. She glanced up when she heard footsteps at the door. She smiled as Gail walked in. "Hey, what are you doing here? I thought you were still out on patrol."

"Paperwork." Gail stuck out her tongue and moved to sit across from Andy, "Saw you in here thought I'd come chat for a few. What's going on?"

Andy shrugged, "Debrief apparently, I'm not sure what they want me to say."

"Just talk to them, tell them your job. What you did, how you did it. Specifics." Gail said

"I'll just give them my journal if that's all they want to know. I wrote down everything I did while I was gone." Andy said, "I just get the feeling that they are looking for more. Like a better reason as to why I went under than my mother."

"Do you?" Gail asked, "Have a better reason for going undercover?"

Andy shook her head, "Does it really matter? I left, I was gone for a year. I've been beaten, shot, stabbed. I stole. I sold drugs, I hurt people. The Why's don't matter." Her volume increased until she was practically shouting. "Talking about it over and over again won't change anything. It won't give me my life back. It won't fix me and it won't make Sam forgive me The Why's don't matter!" A few tears leaked out and Andy brushed them away angrily.

"It matters because he doesn't understand." Gail said as calmly as she could. "It matters because we, you're friends, don't understand. You and I weren't that close before you left. But even I could see that you were happier than you had been in a while. You finally broke up with Luke; things were good. You and Sam weren't together yet, but it looked like you were heading that way. Then all of a sudden, you're mother appears out of nowhere, she's killed and 2 weeks later you go missing. Your apartment was completely emptied and all we had to go on was notes you left telling us not to look for you." Gail tried not to yell at the broken girl in front of her. "Andy, it matters because we're your family."

"You knew where I was." Andy said defiantly

"Not at first." Gail retorted, "Finding you that first time was only because I found the phone. As for the second time, once I knew where to look it was easier to 'find you jogging'." She used air quotes to make her point. "I got lucky finding you."

The two girls stared at each other for a long time before finally breaking the silence.

"I don't know." Andy let out a big sigh, "I don't know why I left. It just felt like something I needed to and I knew that if I told anyone, mainly Sam and Traci, they would talk me out of it and I would let them."

"And that would have been bad?" Gail asked

Andy shrugged, "There just would have been a constant cloud hanging over me. My mother left when I was barely a teenager, and I never saw her again until that day. I learned all these horrible things about her and what she had done. That's not the woman I remember. I felt like I needed to be the one to finish her last good deed on this earth. To prove to myself that she wasn't the monster that everyone wanted me to believe she was."

Inside the AV room three men stood in silence as the two women talked. Jerry turned to Boyd, "What did you want to talk about."

Boyd shook his head, "Never mind, this is better. Keep Peck talking to McNally. She'll open up way more to her than us."

"What exactly are you looking for?" Jerry asked, "She's not a suspect."

"I don't know." Boyd said honestly, "I've just got a feeling she's keeping something from us and I'd rather hear about it now then find out at trial and have Damien go free."

Sam remained silent throughout their exchange. He didn't know how to respond to what Andy was saying in there. He didn't know if hearing what she had been through would help at all but maybe it was better than imagining the worst. "Ask her about all those times we spotted her and she got away. Find out if she was ever arrested anywhere else. What did she do when she was injured, if she went to a hospital what name did she use." Sam was talking quickly now, desperately needing answers to these questions. He had searched and searched for her; refusing to give up and the fact that she was just across town the entire time was killing him.

Boyd and Jerry looked at each other and at Boyd's nod Jerry pulled out his cell phone and sent a quick text.

The chirping of Gail's phone broke the silence between them. Her brow furrowed as she read the text from Jerry and she glanced briefly towards the two way mirror. She gave a small nod and turned back to Andy who was staring down at the table with her head in her hands.

"Andy." Gail said, "How did you hide from everyone for so long."

Andy looked at her confused, "You know I had disguises."

"I know, but you were still recognizable. Everyone just thought people were imagining it because none of the PI's ever mentioned that you were back in town." Gail said.

"I mean, I'm good at my job. I know when I'm being followed and can lose a tail. But I imagine Frank had something to do with it. We had already arranged certain times when I would be "seen" different places in the country and we had the credit card company put some charges on my account so the investigators would have a trail." Andy explained, "I think we both thought eventually they would all stop looking for me..." She trailed off.

"But they never did." Gail finished Andy's statement.

She shook her head, "I don't know if that makes me feel better or worse. It probably would have been easier if they had all just given up." Andy gave a small confused smile, "Why are you asking me these questions?"

"Just trying to get you talking about it." Gail said, "Talk to a friend first before Boyd comes back."

"Thanks."

Gail nodded and continued, "Were you ever arrested while you were undercover?"

"No." Andy said, "When I was on the other side of town in other divisions territory it was a little harder to avoid but being a cop myself it was easy for me to know when a bust was going to happen and I could position myself somewhere for a quick exit. Besides the fact that I called in most of the tips myself, I could gauge roughly how long I had before the police showed up." Andy explained, "Once I came back into 15's territory you or usually Frank would text me about busts that were going down or places that were being looked at by guns and gangs. I didn't call in very many tips once I came back to this side."

"Why?"

"If anyone was going to recognize me even with blonde hair and green eyes it would be people here." Andy said.

"They did almost catch you a few times." Gail smiled, "That was some jump off the roof."

"I learned pretty quickly that I needed to have contingencies in place for quick getaways." Andy said, "I practiced that roof jump so many times. Just never thought I would actually need it."

"Why'd you need it that day? I thought I gave you enough time." Gail said

"You did." Andy paused, "I was at the warehouse that day for some meetings about potential sales with Johnny and some of the other guys. One of the new kids brought a 'buddy' with him, this guy supposedly knew all the right people this side of town to bring all the drugs and weapons in and get them bought at the right price." Andy's voice took on a lethal edge.

Gail glanced nervously to the two way mirror where unbeknownst to the two girls a large crowd was gathered to listen. "Who was it?" She asked almost afraid to hear the answer.

"He didn't recognize me at first." Andy spoke as if in a trance, "I knew him the moment he walked in the room. How could I forget the stung out beady eyes, greasy hair and face like a weasel. He leered at me from across the room during the whole meeting. Finally everyone was leaving and he cornered me in the room. Said he would remember my eyes anywhere, he grabbed my throat and squeezed. I was in a trance up until that point and then I snapped. I kicked him off me as hard as I could and when he came at me again I pulled out my gun. I was going to finish him right there; but then I heard the sirens in the distance. He used the distraction to run. I got a couple shots in but I doubt I hit him. He killed my baby and I couldn't even may him pay." She slammed her hand on the table. "That's when I head everyone start to search the building. I know everyone heard me running but it wasn't until I got to the door leading to the roof and I had to fire at the lock did I really give my position away. Sam, Noelle and Oliver were the closest to me. I could see them just below me running up the stairs. Once I got to the roof I barely had time to breathe before I took off running. When I landed on the other side I broke the heel of my boot, but I kept running through that building to where I had stashed a motorcycle that I had bought. I drove out of the building and zig zagged through the city as fast as I could. I pulled into an alley and changed into the clothes that I had stored and put on a different wig. You all passed me on the street not long after than."

Gail didn't know what to say, she hadn't heard that story before. She kept darting glances at the mirror, hoping that Swarek wasn't standing there listening.

"That sonofabitch gets away with murder and I couldn't even make him pay." Andy stood the tears falling rapidly down her face. "You want to know why I jumped off roofs and went on dangerous sales and didn't come back when you and Frank wanted me to? Because I hoped that one day I would die and I would never have to come back and see the disgust on everyone face and I wouldn't have to live with the pain of my decision any more. I killed my baby, with my stupid selfish decision." Andy shouted before turning and running out of the interview room.

Before she could flee the station she saw the door to the observation room open. Sam stood in the doorway with Jerry, Boyd, Oliver, Noelle, Traci, Chris, Dov and Frank behind him. "Andy." Sam took a step forward.

Andy shook her head fiercely, "No, No, No. You can't be here." The tears fell faster, she could breathe, she had to get out of there. Andy stepped back with each word before turning and running as fast as she could out into the rain.


	20. Chapter 19

**Don't hate me! This will all work out, I promise! Hope you like the chapter! I'm currently refusing to watch Rookie Blue until something happens between Sam and Andy. I'm keeping all the episodes on DVR, but I just can't bring myself to watch it until we have some hope for our favorite couple!

Chapter 19

Sam didn't waste a second before sprinting after her out into the rain. Damn if he didn't love that woman. Despite what she put him through this past year. He didn't need Oliver and Jerry telling him to run after her. He was already out the door.

She could hear his footsteps thundering after her as she ran. He was in great shape and could easily out run her especially in her current condition. She felt his arm wrap around her middle and pull her to his chest as gently as he could. She tried to fight him, but she was so tired. His soothing voice made her stop fighting and she turned in his arms and buried her face against his chest and cried. "It's OK, McNally. Let it out. I've got you." Sam whispered

"I just wanted it to stop, Sam." Andy cried, "I'm tied of feeling like this."

"I know."

They stood wrapped together at the edge of the parking lot, the rain beating down on them. Sam felt her shiver and slowly started to walk them back towards the barn. He glared at the crowd gathered near the door and they quickly dispersed. Sam led Andy into the women's locker room. He sat her down on the bench and grabbed a few towels and wrapped one around each of them. Sam straddled the bench to face her and took her hand in his. "We've got to talk about this."

"I know." She whispered, "But I don't know what to say."

"Just tell me the truth Andy. Why did you leave?" Sam asked

"I was scared Sam." Andy said softly, "I loved you and that scared me. What I was feeling was so much more than anything I've ever felt before."

Sam sighed and tried not to lose his temper, "Why didn't you tell me. We could have talked about it. Slowed things down if that's what you needed."

"It wouldn't have helped. Even though I was scared I knew you were who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I wanted to wake up with you every morning and have our kids just down the hall." Andy paused and tried to stem the flow of fresh tears, "But when my mom showed up and we were learning all these horrible things about her, I felt terrible. She's a part of me. And, if she could do that to me and my dad who's to say that I'm not enough like her to do the same to you and our kids."

Sam started to interrupt, "Andy-…"

Andy turned and straddled the bench so they were facing each other and brought a finger to his lips silencing him, "Just let me get this out." When he nodded she lowered her finger and grasped his hand. "When she came to my house that night, dying, I was devastated. No matter what she had done she was still my mother. But then, she told me what she had started to do. The plans she had set up so that Damien could be taken down. It was her way of apologizing to me and trying to make things right. And, I just thought that if I could do this one last thing for her; finish what she started then I would end the cycle. Her mistakes with my dad and me would end there. They wouldn't be something that I would repeat."

"I get that Andy, I really do." Sam said, "But you just left. You left us to wonder if you were alive or dead. We looked for you for months. I just don't understand how you could do that."

"I thought about having Frank let you know what I was doing. But if I was going to have a prayer at doing this then I needed to leave Andy McNally behind completely. And, it worked at first. I would go days at a time without thinking of who I used to be. But then I found out about the baby and I didn't know what to do." Andy was speaking quickly, trying to get it all out before she was overcome with tears again. "I wanted us to start our life together. I was so happy about the baby but I was scared to come back so I just took a few more days to think it all through and to get as much information together to give to whoever they send to take my place. And, then it was over. He killed our baby. A part of me died and the other part went crazy. I was on a mission and I didn't care what happened to me. Gail and Frank tried to help, but I'd gotten really good at lying and it was months before I started to come out of the haze. Months, before I actually started to care whether I lived or died. By then, I was so close to finishing this. So, I stayed until the cops were starting to close in on 'Annie Clark' and then I came back."

Sam stayed silent, waiting for her to continue.

"I know you're angry and hurt and I'm sorrier than you will ever know. I love you so much and I would give anything to fix this, but I don't know how." Andy held his hands tightly in hers, her eyes pleading with his to forgive her.

"I just need some time." Sam said, finally after what seemed like hours. "I love you. But, I need time."

Andy nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

Sam squeezed her hand once more and stood up. He pressed a kiss to her forehead and walked out of the locker room, his mind racing. He barely noticed everyone who jumped to look busy when he walked by. By unspoken agreement, Jerry, Oliver and Noelle followed him while the rookies went into the locker room with Andy.

Jerry, Oliver and Noelle followed Sam to the Penny where he was already at the bar a scotch in front of him. They took seats around him and Jerry signaled the bartender for 3 more. The four friends sat in silence for a long time.

"You OK Sammy?" Oliver asked

"Getting there."

"You really think this is going to help?" Noelle asked, "Shouldn't you be with McNally?"

"I'll tell you the same thing I told her. I just need some time." Sam said, still not looking away from his untouched scotch. "It's a lot to process."

"It sucks, what she did." Jerry said, "I know Traci is still reeling. She's pretty angry."

Noelle sighed, "It's a lot to take in. If you had told me when the rookies all started out that McNally would be the one to pull something like this I would have said you were nuts."

"My money would have been on Peck." Oliver chimed in.

"She was involved in a way. Frank never said exactly how she found McNally after she disappeared from the hospital. But I guess he and Boyko had been searching for her for a while and they couldn't find her and then one day Peck shows up in his office with a report from McNally and a new phone number to reach her at." Jerry said

"Epstein's been yapping about it for days straight. He'll say 'Rock 'n' Roll McNally in one breath and then curse her the next. I don't think any of them have totally forgiven her. I just think they don't want her to know how upset they all are until she sorts things out with you." Oliver turned to look at Sam.

"I'm not mad anymore." Sam said to the surprise of his friends, "It makes me sad to think about what we lost. I can accept her reasons for wanting to go undercover and why she and Frank wouldn't tell any of us what she was doing."

"So what's the problem? Why are you sitting here with us instead of at home with Andy?" Oliver asked

Sam was quiet for a long time before he finally exploded, "Because I can't go back and play house when I don't trust that she won't leave me again. I can barely sleep for more than an hour at a time because I'm afraid that she'll be gone when I wake up and I won't see her again. I called in favors and had people patrol by the house every half hour just to make sure she was still here. I knew as soon as she left today and I had one of the new rookies follow her until she got back to the barn. How can you build a life with someone you can't trust?"

"You can't." Andy said softly.

Before arriving at the Penny; Gail, Traci, Chris and Dov had all entered the locker room to be with Andy. Gail and Traci came to sit next to her while Dov and Chris awkwardly stood trying to pretend they weren't in the girl's locker room.

Andy felt empty, all the fight was gone. "I think its over."

"You don't mean that." Gail said, "He loves you. Its just a lot to process."

"He'll never get over it. He's never going to be able to trust me again and he's not going to be able to deal with it." Andy argued.

"Can you blame him?" Dov said, "It takes more than a day to get over this kind of betrayal."

"Dude, really?" Chris said as Andy stared up at him horrified.

"I'm sorry Andy. It just hurts ok." Dov said and then let out a small laugh, "But I'm jealous because its definitely very rock 'n' roll."

Andy laughed, "I never told you all how sorry I am. I've been so focused on Sam, that I didn't get to apologize to you. I did what I thought I had to do, and believe me, its one of the biggest regrets of my life."

"We forgive you." Traci said, "I said all along that only your warped sense of thinking would make you do it because you thought it was the right thing."

"Thanks Trace." Andy said laying a head down on her best friends shoulder and grabbing Gail's hand, "Thank you for being there for me through everything."

Gail shrugged, "I wish I had listened to my gut instead of you and told everyone what you were doing to soften the blow a little. Then maybe Swarek wouldn't be acting like such an ass. I totally could have spun it as you asked me to talk to him because you missed him so much, blah, blah, blah." She smiled and nudged Andy's knee with her own, "Damn you for being so stubborn and persuasive."

Andy smiled sadly, "He's not being an ass. He's being Sam Swarek; a man who loved me and would have done anything I asked and who trusted me. A man whose trust I demolished. I was kidding myself to think we could survive this." She sighed, "Lets just get this over with. He went to the penny I'm sure. "

Every step she took was torture. She tuned out her friends arguments and questions. They stood outside the door to the Penny and Andy took a deep breath. They walked in just as Sam burst out with his angry explanation. Andy's eyes clouded over with grief as she walked up behind the group unnoticed, because despite her earlier claims she desperately hoped she was wrong. "You can't." She said softly.

Four heads whipped around and found Andy standing just behind them with Gail and Traci on either side of her with Chris and Dov just behind them. "It's fine Sam. I get it. I just wanted to give these to you." Andy cleared her throat a pulled out a stack of letters from her bag, "I wrote you while I was gone. Mostly they are promises for when I came back. I didn't send them, but these and a sweatshirt of yours were the only concessions to my old life that I allowed myself. I was afraid that you wouldn't be able to trust me once I came back. Guess I was right." She set the letters on the bar in front of him. "Bye Sam."

Andy walked, as quickly from the bar as she weakening legs would allow her. As soon as the door to the bar closed behind her she broke into a dead run, ignore the shouts of those behind her. She didn't stop running until she got to her apartment. She couldn't go back to Sam's now. Andy refused to give in to the tears that were threatening to fall. The pain was too much; it felt like her heart was actually breaking. She struggled with the lock for a minute before finally getting in to her apartment.

"Wondered when you would show up."

Andy let out a scream before her world went dark.


	21. Chapter 20

A/N: Sorry for the delay guys...I won't lie to you, this isn't exactly how I first imagined the story turning out, so now I'm just trying to make it work. I don't think it will be much longer, another chapter or 2 maybe and then an epilogue. Not much McSwarek in here, but a little filler to get you through. I'll try and post more soon! As always, reviews/suggestions are appreciated!

Chapter 20

The group that walked back into the Penny had mixed emotions. Some of them were angry at the man leading the group. The others felt for him. "Come on Sammy. Go after her." Oliver urged. Of the group he was the only one who had a longstanding and happy marriage.

"You think I don't want to?" Sam asked furiously. "Do you think I like knowing that I'm breaking her heart after all she went through this year? This isn't easy for me. I need the time to think about what I'm going to say so that the next time I see her, I know without a doubt that this is it and I can promise that we'll be together forever."

No one had anything to say to that. The stony faced group sat in silence each lost in their own thoughts.

Traci had wanted to go after her, but knew her friend well enough to know that she would want a little time alone to gather her thoughts. She and Gail had decided that they would give her an hour and then they were going.

It seemed like much longer had passed, although it was probably only a few minutes when the door to the Penny opened and another office from the 15 walked in. "Hey guys, how's it going."

"Just fine Smith. How's the street tonight?" Oliver asked not wanting to be rude.

"Pretty quiet. Just grabbing some food for me and Jones." He grabbed the pizza box from the bartender and passed him some bills. The static from his radio broke through the quiet bar, "Possible domestic assault, Lakeview Terrace Apartments. Apartment 3B."

Frank's voice came over the radio next, "Any available units respond. The apartment belongs to Officer McNally, who we have been unable to reach; it is possible that a member of Damien's organization that we haven't caught yet has discovered her location. Proceed with caution."

Several other cars responded the affirmative that they were on the way.

"1512 on our way." Smith said and he ran out of the bar.

Sam stood shaking; he awkwardly threw some bills on the bar to cover his drinks and turned to Oliver. "We've got to go there now."

For a moment it looked like he might argue, but nodded his head. "Lets roll."

The group ran back to the barn and having already changed into their civilian clothes after their shifts they immediately split and jumped into Jerry and Gail's car and tore after the emergency units already on their way to the scene.

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Andy groaned as she felt a cool cloth being run over her face and her eyes opened in shock as she heard a familiar voice through the haze.

"Jeez. Annie you scared the hell outta me."

She sat up and looked at the man sitting on her coffee table, "Maybe you shouldn't break into people's apartments and sneak up on them." Andy laughed a little and ran a hand through her hair, "Johnny? What are you doing here?"

"I just needed to see for myself that you were OK. That I got you out." Johnny said

"I'm fine." Andy said then paused, "Wait, what do you mean got me out?"

"I knew that you were an undercover. So I got as much extra information as I could and passed it on to a cop I know over at the 27th.

"What?"

Johnny sighed, "Look, I loved Sarah. We were high school sweethearts and it's my fault that she got dragged into this life. When she died a part of me went crazy and I wasn't thinking clearly. I never dreamed that it was Damien that killed her. But when you came to town and said you were her sister. I knew that wasn't true. I had a feeling that you might be her daughter and no matter what I wasn't going to fail Sarah again. "

"Johnny, I had no idea. I mean, I don't know what to say." Andy said, feeling terrible for the broken man sitting before her.

"You don't have to say anything, I just needed to come here and tell you in person that I'm sorry. Because she loved me, I ruined her life and ultimately got her killed." Johnny said sadly.

Andy shook her head, "Listen to me Johnny, my mother was a grown woman who was perfectly capable of making her own choices. She left your life, met my father, had me and then 10 years later vanished out of my life. I don't know the reasons and honestly I don't care to. You can't blame yourself for her choices."

"I don't." Johnny said, "I blame her for leaving you and for making you this person who can't trust anyone enough to let them in."

Andy stood up suddenly and paced the room, "You don't even know me."

"I know you better than you think." Johnny gave her a small smile, "You are so much like her sometimes it was a little scary. But where she was weak you're strong. You found someone who loves you." He smiled at her surprised glance, "I've been doing some research on you. Look, you became a cop and made something of yourself and I would hate to see you lose everything you worked so hard for because you can't move past her failures."

"I have moved on." Andy argued, "This whole year was about me moving on. Ending the cycle, so I wouldn't be doomed to repeat her mistakes. It's not me who can't move on now. It's Sam. He can't forgive me for leaving."

"Time and space." Johnny said after a moment, "It's a lot to process, even the most forgiving man in the world would need a little time to adjust."

"I know that." Andy said, "I'm just tired. I know what I did was wrong and I know how much I hurt him. I guess I just hoped that what I did wouldn't matter. That he would just be so happy to see me that he would wrap me in his arms and never let me go."

"You guys will get there Annie. I know it." Johnny smiled, "He wasn't faking that much when you brought him to the warehouse. If there was ever a man more in love I've never seen it."

"How did you know that was him?" She asked

"I've worn that look a few times myself." He shrugged

"Thanks Johnny." Andy smiled, "You know, I don't think we've been properly introduced." She stood up and extended her hand, "I'm Andy McNally."

Johnny laughed but stood to shake her hand nonetheless, "You're always going to be Annie to me."

"Do you want something to drink?" She asked him.

"No, thanks. I've got to get going. I just needed to see you. Make sure you were OK." Johnny smiled.

"I'm getting there, thanks Johnny. For everything." She pulled him into a hug.

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The neighbor who called 911 waited for them outside, around the corner like dispatch told her. When no less than 10 cars pulled up, she was surprised. Walking quickly to keep up with the officers surrounding the building she whispered what she heard to the one who looked like he was in charge. "I heard some weird sounds coming from the apartment but I didn't think much of it until I heard the girl scream." The neighbor explained, "I called 911, but it's been quiet ever since. What if she's dead?"

"Thank you for calling ma'am. We'll take it from here." Frank Best calmly directed his officers to move in trying not to give in to the panic that clutched at his heart.

Sam jumped out of the car before it came to a complete stop and ran full out towards Andy's building. Frank saw him running and jumped in front of him. "Slow down Sam."

"I've got to get in there. She could be hurt or worse." Sam shouted angrily

Frank thought about arguing, pulling rank and making him stay outside but guilt had him shaking his head and letting Sam pass, "Just let the guys with guns go first."

Sam ran, following his coworkers up the stairs into her building. When they burst into her apartment and he heard her shout of surprise he released a breath he didn't even know he had been holding.

"What is going on?" Andy shouted

"We got a domestic disturbance call from one of your neighbors. They heard some weird noises and a scream." Frank explained joining the group. "I thought maybe one of Damien's crew found out where you were."

Unwillingly, Andy's eyes briefly flicked over to the french doors leading to her balcony. She looked back at Frank, "I had a little trouble with my door and then I thought I saw a mouse. It freaked me out a little. Guess I'm still a little jumpy from the UC." She coughed then a looked around as more of her friends and fellow officers came into her apartment. "Why didn't you guys just call me instead of bringing the cavalry and breaking down my door."

"You haven't turned it back on yet." Traci reminded her as she moved to the front of the group. "And, your cell went right to voicemail."

Andy finally looked over at Sam, who was standing off to the side, with his hands shoved in his pockets. "What are you doing here?"

"I heard the call come in. We followed." Sam moved to stand in front of her, "I was afraid something happened to you." He watched her closely; it was not lost on him the way her eyes kept darting to the doors at the bar of her apartment.

Oliver clapped his hands together, "OK, well now that we know McNally is alright and just afraid of invisible mice why don't we all clear out of here." He walked over to Sam as everyone was clearing out, "Talk to her Sammy." He whispered before slapping Sam on the back and giving Andy a quick hug and he pushed the remaining rookies out the door.


	22. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

The minute the door closed behind Oliver, Sam pun on his heel and walked back towards the doors that would lead him to her balcony.

Andy scrambled after him, if he opened those doors and found Johnny, he would call the police back and Johnny would go to jail and she couldn't let that happen. Not after he saved her. "What are you doing?" She asked running after him.

"What are you hiding?" He countered, pausing only slightly.

She narrowed her eyes in annoyance, "Do you always have to answer my questions with another question?" Andy moved in front of him to block his path.

He smirked down at her, "Yep." Then he easily lifted her off the ground, moved her to the side and set her down. He opened the French doors with more force than necessary. He glanced around confused, no one was out there and he was sure she had been trying to stop him from going outside.

When he heard her let out a small sigh of relief from behind him, Sam knew he had been right. "You know, for someone who was so good at lying all year, you sure suck at it right now." Sam nearly growled in frustration. "Who was out there that you didn't want me to see?"

Andy remained stubbornly closed mouthed, the tip of her noise rising just slightly in defiance.

Sam knew which buttons to push to get her talking and man if he wasn't looking for a fight right now. Anything to lay it all on the line and figure out if they had a shot. He was ready for some fireworks. "Oh, I get it now. You got a little boyfriend while you were undercover. Had him hiding here until the heat dies down a little then you can come back to the bed he's been keeping warm for you. In the meantime, you'll just settle and warm mine." He sneered a little watching her closely.

Andy knew he was baiting her, she knew she shouldn't give him the satisfaction but she couldn't help it. He made her so angry sometimes; She finally burst out, "Of course not, you asshole. There hasn't been anyone else since the blackout!" She was breathing heavily, upset that she had let that last part slip out.

Sam's eyebrows rose in surprise at her admission. The blackout happened in late July and she hadn't broken up with Callaghan until after the Landry op in September. They were only together for a month or so before she went under for a year. That was a long time. He would definitely come back to that later. "So who was here then? Come on McNally; give me a little credit here. You wouldn't have screamed like that for a mouse."

She sighed and threw her hands up in their air and walk back towards the kitchen. She pulled a beer out of the fridge for Sam and poured herself a glass of wine. Then she jumped up on the counter. Sam took the beer Andy offered and leaned against the stove, arms and legs crossed, looking back at her expectantly.

"You're going to be mad." Andy warned.

Sam laughed harshly, "Can't be any worse than I've been for weeks."

"It was Johnny."

"Sorry?" He asked, positive that he had heard her wrong.

"Johnny." Andy repeated, "He was the one who was here."

"Excuse me?" Sam said gripping his beer tightly, "One of Damien's goons was in this house and you let him get away and lied to the police about it?"

"I am the police." Andy replied. "Look, Johnny is a good guy. He always had my back."

"He's still a criminal, Andy! He's a member of one of the biggest drug and weapon's rings in the city." Sam was nearly shouting.

Andy felt her patience slipping, "It's not like that at all, ok? He and my mom were high school sweethearts. He was devastated when she left the first time and then again when she was killed. He also knew that there was no way I was her sister. He figured that I must be her daughter, the cop, and he risked everything to keep me safe and get me out of that life as quickly as possible. Sam, he became an informant to the 27 division." He eyes were pleading with him to understand. "If anyone had found out what he was doing he would have been tortured and killed. But he did it anyway. He stopped Bibby from killing me the night of the bust. And, I'm sure there are even more times that I don't know about that he saved my life."

Sam and Andy were squared off in her kitchen; Her on the counter, him leaning against the stove. Finally, he broke the tension filled silence, "How do you know that you can trust him?"

"Because I'm alive." She answered simply not really wanting to go into to much detail about how without Johnny that might not be the case.

His eyes darkened, clearly not liking her answer. He fought against the rage building in him. "You know if you see him again you'll have to call it in. He many have saved you once and got you out of that life, which I'll always be grateful for, but he is still a criminal."

Andy shook her head, "Its not going to happen. You and I both know what will happen if it comes out that he helped me. I won't sign his death sentence."

"It doesn't always turn out like that. I'm sure the crown would cut a deal, especially if he testified. Then he could go into protective custody." Sam started to continue but Andy interrupted.

"No Sam." Her voice was wary now, "I won't do that to him. If he wants that kind of help he'll ask for it and I'll be the first one to help because it's the least I can do but that's it. And, I'm not talking about this anymore."

"So that's it? You say no and the discussion is over?" Sam said incredulously

"This one is." She said, "We're never going to agree so I'm done talking about it."

He stared at her then, his eyes roaming her face memorizing every feature trying to find something there to show him that she was the same girl he fell in love with. He had known there was something different about her; special even from the moment she arrested him. He was angry then when the universe, also known as Frank Best, made him her training officer. Eventually, they became friends and partners both on the job and off. She was so sweet and innocent back then; naive even despite the struggles she had faced in life. She still had faith and saw the good in people, saw the good in him. She had broken through his rough exterior and overlooked his flaws and faults and loved him anyway. She just fit...in his arms...in his life.

But that was then. Now, he barely recognized the woman sitting before him. Oh sure, now that she took out the contacts and dyed her hair back she looked more like herself. But, she was changed. She looked older, tired, more beaten down then he could ever remember seeing her. Her innocence that he loved so much was shattered. In their partnership she was the idealist and he was the realist. They balanced each other out. Not anymore. They were struggling to find a balance between who they were and what they had become.

He had been staring at her for a long time. Andy was beginning to feel a bit uneasy. She honestly didn't know what to say to him to make their situation better. She hurt him, betrayed him, lied to him; you can't come back from that...not without a fight anyway. She needed him to want to fight for them. Because she knew without a doubt that he was it for her. She would go to the ends of the earth, to the depths of hell to be with him for the rest of her life and to make him trust her again.

He looked different than the last time she saw him. He was more muscular if that was possible. Her eyes wandered over his bulging biceps and she remembered just the other night running her hands over his washboard abs. She shook her head to clear it before her mind wandered to far. His eyes told a different story. They showed how hard this past year had been on him. They were more wary than before. Every time he looked at her, she could see the hesitancy in them. If she was honest with herself she didn't blame him, not really. She had hurt him bad. He was always there when it mattered, but this time she hadn't even given him the chance.

"I don't know what you want from me, Sam." Andy said on a sigh, "I don't know what to do to make this better."

His eyes closed for a brief moment and he let out a short laugh, "Honestly, I don't know either. I just know that we can't go on like this. Every time we're apart I'm half convinced you'll vanish and I'll never see you again. I love you, but I don't trust you."

Andy felt a tear leak out despite her best efforts to hold them in. "Then I guess it's up to me to prove you wrong." She let out a shaky breath. "You're it for me Sam Swarek and I'm going to do everything I can to earn your trust back."


	23. Chapter 22

**A/N: I tried to make it a little longer this time for you...but I'm not going to lie, I'm a little stuck right now. Any ideas/suggestions would be greatly appreciated! **

Chapter 22

"So what did he say when you said that?" Traci asked Andy a week later at the Penny. Andy had met her and Gail there when the two girls got off work and she was telling them about the conversation she and Sam had.

"Nothing."

"Like silence nothing or a whole lot of BS nothing?" Gail asked

"Silence nothing." Andy took a big drink. "He stared at me for a long time and then just kind did his Swarek nod thing and walked out. Haven't heard from him since."

"Well that's nice." Traci scoffed, "How are you guys supposed to work things out if he won't talk to you."

"Maybe he's waiting for you to make a move?" Gail said, "Do something to prove he can trust you?"

Andy groaned and rest her head on the table, "I know. I don't know why I said that to him. Jackass is really going to make me grovel for it."

"He does have a sadistic sense of humor." Traci agreed, "Like Gail." She smirked at her friend.

Gail shrugged, "Its true."

"Yes, fine you both have twisted ideas about payback but seriously; I need help!" Andy said pleadingly, "I have no idea how to earn his trust back. He really and truly believes that one day I'm just going to up and leave again and he's convinced that he'll never see me again."

Traci and Gail looked at each other and turned back to Andy. They were silent for a few minutes.

Andy threw up her hands, "Great. Thanks for all the ideas."

"I'm sorry." Gail said, "I've never cared enough to grovel to anyone."

Traci laughed, "Why does that not surprise me?" She put a hand on Andy's arm, "Look, I was mad at you. And hurt. But in a weird way I understood that you only would have left and not said anything if you truly felt like it was the right thing to do. He never understood that. So maybe now he just needs to get used to having you back in his life. You'll be back to work in a few days, so he'll start seeing you around the station more regularly. And, then I think you just need to over communicate. Tell him everything. Make plans, set down roots again. Plan your life and let him know that he's going to be a part of it."

"Ugh, I know your right." Andy groaned, "He's just so frustrating!"

"Come on Andy." Gail said, "You knew this wasn't going to be easy. You had to know that you weren't just going to be able to strut back in his life, bat your eyelashes and look at him with your bambi eyes and all would be forgiven."

"Of course not." Andy said indignantly, "I was just hoping we would be able to work through it together. Instead, every time we move a step forward we take like 5 back."

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Oliver looked over at Sam in the booth next to his and watched as he emptied yet another clip of bullets into the paper target ahead of them. He waited until the next time Sam took of his headphones and grabbed a drink of water before he started talking.

"So Sammy, how's everything going lately? We haven't seen you around much." He asked

Sam shrugged, "Picked up some OT working third shift and trying to get into the ring a little so I'm ready for the next retraining." He smirked when he said that, thinking back to the last retraining.

"Ah, yes retraining. That was an interesting day. " Oliver laughed and then coughed somewhat awkwardly as he tried to decide how to bring up Andy.

Sam stared at his friend, "Just spit it out Ollie."

Oliver walked over and grabbed his own water bottle and took a swig, "You seen McNally lately?" He asked finally.

"Nope." Sam shook his head, "Not since the night we got the domestic call at her place."

"That was over a week ago!" Oliver exclaimed surprised.

"I know." Sam replied frustrated, "She's just so different, I'm having a hard time adjusting. Besides, she said she was going to prove that I could trust her and I'm going to let her."

"Kind of hard to do when you avoid her." Oliver said

"Who said I'm avoiding her?" Sam asked

"I think the fact that you picked up all the overnights and haven't been to the penny this whole week says it all." Oliver laughed, "You knew that Peck and Nash would be all on your case at work and then you'd probably see McNally at the Penny and have to deal with her because you know that girl does not do time and space well."

Sam shrugged, "So I'm avoiding her, sue me." He walked back over and loaded his gun again and slipped on his headphones, "I think I deserve a little time after the hell she put me through." He began firing and Oliver knew the conversation was over.

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Andy walked in to 15 division, sipping her coffee, just a few minutes before parade was about to start. She knew by now her friends would be wondering where she was. They were all expecting her to be back in uniform patrolling with them. That wasn't the case though, she thought as her hand brushed the badge clipped to the waistband of her jeans, before pulling her jacket a little tighter around her. She and Frank had talked at length this week about what her next step would be. As much as Andy wanted to get back to the streets and pick up where she left off in her training, she knew that after so long undercover she would need some time before she was ready. Plus, she would be a very valuable source to the D's office as well as the guns and gangs/drug squad task force. Despite the fact that her main target while undercover was Damien and by association Landry and Bergen she did manage to learn quite a bit about other organizations and the way they operate and could be helpful in narrowing down suspects or potential crimes.

Sam watched her walk in from his desk; her hair was down and curled slightly so that it looked more full. Underneath her black leather jacket she wore a fitted v-neck white shirt, her jeans were dark boot cut and she had her black boots on that clicked as she walked across the linoleum floor. The old Andy would have rushed in, her hair in a pony tail, no make up on scrambling to get into her uniform before parade. This version of Andy had a perfectly made up face and despite her somewhat casual clothing choice you could still tell that she had taken the time to put the look together. He wondered why she wasn't in her uniform but he wasn't going to ask. He watched as she determinedly avoided the gaze of most everyone in the room as their eyes followed her into the weapons room.

"All right people, lets move." Frank shouted motioning the stragglers into the parade room.

Andy was the last one in the room and moved to stand over with Detective's Boyd and Jefferson as she adjusted her weapon holstered to her jeans. She could feel Sam's eyes on her and knew that he was not going to be happy with what she and Frank had decided on. Andy struggled to pay attention as Frank ran through the morning announcements and partner assignments.

"And, lastly I just wanted to officially welcome back Officer McNally to 15 Division, we're glad to have her back at work." Frank finished purposefully neglecting to mention her new role. "So, serve, protect and stay out of trouble."

Sam turned to Oliver who was his partner for the day; "I'll meet you at the car." He didn't wait for a response as he walked away to catch up with Andy who had left the parade room at a brisk walk. "Andy." He called out.

Andy stopped walking and she could have sworn the volume in the barn dropped several decibels as people quieted down to here what she and Sam were going to say. "I'll meet up with you guys at the range." Andy said to Boyd and Jefferson before turning to Sam as he walked up behind her. "Hey Sam."

"So, you're working with Boyd now?" Sam questioned crossing his arms against his chest, "Is going back undercover supposed to make me trust you again? Were you even going to tell me?" He knew he was attacking her, but he couldn't help it. Boyd being around all the time made his nervous.

Andy sighed, "I'm not going back undercover. I'm working plain clothes for a while with the D's office and with the guns and gangs/drug squad task force. Frank's not sure I'm ready to go back to the streets and he thinks I'll be of use to the teams because of my experience this year."

"Oh." Sam at least had the decency to look ashamed. "Guess I overreacted a little."

Andy laughed somewhat uncomfortably, "Just a little. But I should have talked to you about it sooner. Guess I need to work on my communication skills."

"I think we could both probably use the practice." Sam grinned flashing his dimples.

Andy's smile fell a little at that, "Yeah, we do." She said softly, "I meant what I said Sam." She put a hand on his arm, "I'll do whatever it takes to get you to trust me again."

"I know." Sam let out a small groan, "The thing is Andy, I know I love you and I know that I want to marry you but I don't know how to trust you again and that just kills me."

Andy squeezed her eyes shut at his words as though closing her eyes might block the blow and keep the pain away. She opened them again when she felt his hand brush the hair out of her eyes and cup her cheek. He was staring intently at her.

"Want to have dinner with me?" He asked suddenly

Andy blinked and shook her head trying to catch up with his change of topic. "When? Tonight?"

"Poker tonight. How about Friday?" Sam asked.

"Umm, OK." Andy said a little confused, "Do you mean like a date?"

Sam laughed, "Yeah, why not? We missed that whole part the last time around. Might as well give it a shot."

"Sammy!" Oliver shouted from across the bar, "Come on brother, lets go catch us some criminals."

"Gotta run." Sam brushed past her calling over his shoulder, "Friday, McNally. Don't forget."

Andy stared after him, "What the hell just happened?"

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"So what's this I hear about you taking McNally out on a date Friday night?" Jerry asked casually as he, Oliver and Sam sat in his den watching the hockey game on the big screen during a poker break.

"Who'd you hear that from?" Sam asked taking a long drink from his beer looking over at Jerry.

"Traci." Jerry said smugly, "Apparently, you've sent McNally into quite a fit with this whole date idea. I believe the exact phrase Traci used was 'nervous like a virgin on prom night'."

Sam snorted, "Its just dinner."

Oliver shook his head, "You know it's more than that. You told the girl you were going to marry her."

"You were all the way on the other side of the barn, how did you hear that?" Sam asked, not even bothering to deny it.

"Boyd." Oliver said simply.

"How did he know?" Sam asked

"Apparently, when McNally gets herself all nervous and worked up and then goes to the gun range she talks a lot to the dummy she's shooting. Boyd was standing next to her, heard her muttering." Oliver explained laughing.

"Ah." Sam said mulling it over, "Honestly, when I told her that part she closed her eyes like it hurt her. The date part seemed like the part that freaked her out more."

"Well you have to admit, it came out of nowhere." Jerry said, "You avoided her all week and before that you made it pretty difficult for her, telling her you can't trust her and all that."

Sam struggled to control his annoyance at that, he knew his friends were only trying to understand and help, "You think I don't know that. That I haven't spent every single second of every day since Andy came back thinking about how to forgive her and move on?" Sam was quiet for a minute thinking about how to say this next part, "At first I was so angry I could hardly stand to look at her, then when she was staying with me so I could take care of her; it just felt right having her back in my life. But once the relief of her being alive started to wear off, I started to remember why we were in this situation to begin with and I realized that I didn't trust her not to leave me again."

"And, you can't build a life with someone you don't trust." Oliver finished thoughtfully

"So, this week I asked to ride solo on the over night and I did some pretty heavy thinking. Last time Andy and I were pretty much thrown together by her mother dying. We jumped from friends to virtually living together. I never actually took her out on a date, we never really took the time to get to know each other as a couple versus partners." Sam wasn't used to the three of them talking too much, especially about him but he tried his best to explain what he was feeling. "I'm going back to the basics boys. We're going to date and actually try a normal healthy relationship and then I'm going to marry her."

Jerry and Oliver shared a look, "You know Sammy, for someone as emotionally stunted as you usually are. You actually seem to have a good idea on what to do. Very romantic of you actually." Jerry said.

"Learned from the best." Sam said shooting a look over to Oliver, who shrugged.

"What can I say? I'm a woman whisperer." Oliver looked back and forth between his two friends as they laughed disbelievingly, "Look, when you're married you learn real quick what to say and do to not have to sleep on the couch. Plus when she's the first out of her friends to get married you spend a lot of time listening to complaints about men and what they should have done."

"OK, I think we've had enough girl talk for one night. Let's get back to the table so I can win my money back." Jerry said standing up.

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Andy paced furiously in front of her closet the next afternoon, "What is he trying to do to me?" She shouted to Traci and Gail who were back in the depths of her closet trying to help her find the perfect outfit.

Gail poked her head out, "He's trying to date you."

"I know that, but why?" Andy groaned, "We practically lived together last year and then again this year. We've had sex, a lot. So why are we dating now?"

"Because you skipped that part last time." Traci called from Andy's closet, "Jerry said he wants you guys to get to know each other as more than partners and try having a normal relationship."

"What's normal?" Andy asked

"No idea." Traci said smiling as she walked out of the closet, arms full of hangers, "But Swarek said it himself, he's going to marry you, so you guys will just have to figure out normal together."

"I still can't believe he said that to me." Andy flopped back on her bed, "He doesn't trust me, but wants to marry me. What kind of messed up thinking is that?"

"He also asked you on a date." Gail said, "That means that he wants to trust you again and knows that one day he will. Therefore you date and do other things..." She trailed off with a suggestive wink, "And then one day before you know it Sam Swarek will be down on one knee in front of you with a gorgeous diamond ring."

Andy felt butterflies bursting to life in her stomach at the thought of Sam's ring on her finger. She felt the corners of her mouth turn up in a smile. She shook her head to clear it of the mental images before sitting up on her bed. "I can't think about that right now. I'm so nervous. Its our first date."

Nearly three hours later Andy had been showered, shaved, plucked, had her hair blown out by Gail, her make up done by Traci and then finally after trying on nearly everything in her closet she had finally settled on an outfit. Sam hadn't given her any clue as to where they were going but as it was winter and would undoubtedly be freezing outside she settled on her favorite jeans that show cased her long legs and made her rear look fantastic if she did say so herself, and a v-neck sweater in a beautiful royal blue that made her eyes pop. She paired the outfit with black suede two inch heeled booties. Her jewelry was simple; small silver hoops at her ears, her watch and a silver tennis bracelet.

"Do I look OK?" She asked walking out of the bathroom.

Gail and Traci were sitting on her bed and turned to look at her with identical smiles on their faces.

"You look great, Andy." Traci said truthfully.

"I wish I could see the look on his face when you open the door!" Gail laughed, "Although the look on his face when you walked out of the locker room the night you went to the club to meet Landry and Bergen is going to be pretty hard to beat."

Andy rolled her eyes and laughed along with her two friends.

Traci and Gail left shortly after that and Andy glancing at the clock in the kitchen saw that she still had another 20 minutes before Sam was coming to pick her up. She turned on the stereo in her living room to her favorite radio station and poured herself a glass of wine. She felt herself start to relax slowly as she sipped her wine and moved through the house putting her wallet and phone in a smaller black purse to take with her. She also set her black coat on a chair in the kitchen.

Finally, not knowing what else to do. Andy sat down at the kitchen table with her wine and just took calming breaths as she listened to the music coming from the speakers. _Why am I so nervous? Its just Sam. I told him he's it for me. He said he wants to marry me. What's the big deal? Why am I freaking out...OK, just breath Andy. He loves you, you love him. It's going to be fine. _

Andy was pulled from her thoughts by a knock at her door. She stood up slowly and walked to the door. She paused with her hand on the knob, then let out a breath, _Here goes nothing, _and turned. 


	24. Chapter 23

A/N: Just a short little chapter...hope you enjoy!

^I was watching old seasons of Flashpoint this week and it made me laugh that Sam, Jerry and Oliver were all in episodes. The one with Ben Bass was pretty funny, because he was a guns and gangs officer who was undercover for 8 months! Oliver was funny in his, he was a lawyer for the cops.

Anyway...I'm about done with the story. I'm stuck on how to finish, but hopefully i won't make you wait to long!

Chapter 23

Sam paused with his fist an inch from the door. He lowered his arm and let out a sigh, what was he doing? He wondered. Should it really be this hard? He shook his head to get rid of the unpleasant thoughts that had suddenly swarmed in and laughed as he heard the sounds of Britney Spears coming through the cracks in the door. Oliver's daughters would be proud he remembered their favorite singer. Then before he could talk himself out of it, he raised his fist and rapped sharply on the door.

"Keep on dancin' til the world ends. Keep on dancin' til the world -…" The music was cut off sharply and he heard the click of her heels across the wood floor. Sam listened with a smirk as the sounds grew louder and then stopped just behind the door. He could almost picture her biting her lip and nervously putting her hand on the doorknob. Finally, he saw it start to turn.

His breath caught in his throat when he saw how beautiful she looked, "Hey." Sam managed to choke out.

"Hey." Andy smiled nervously.

"Um, these are for you." Sam grinned and handed her a small bouquet of flowers he picked up on his way over.

Andy's smile widened, "You got me flowers?"

"It's the proper thing to do on a first date McNally." Sam flashed his dimples at her. "But hey, if you don't want them I'm sure I can find some other lucky lady to accept them."

"No!" Andy grabbed the flowers out of his hand quickly and brought them to her nose to smell them. "I've never gotten flowers before. Thank you, Sam." She kissed his cheek quickly, "Come in for a minute while I find a vase to put these in."

Sam closed the door behind him and followed her through the apartment back to the kitchen. He watched as she stood on tiptoes to pull a vase down from the cupboard, "Will you hand me those scissors on the table?" She asked, walking over to the sink to fill up the vase with water.

He walked over to the table and found the scissors on top of a stack of newspapers next to a wine glass. Sam handed them to her across the counter and watched as she quickly snipped the ends and arranged them in the vase. "Perfect." She smiled and walked over to set them in the center of her kitchen table.

"Ready?" Sam asked holding out her jacket for her to slide in to.

Andy turned and let him help her into her jacket, involuntary shivering when his hands accidentally brushed her neck while lifting her hair out of the way. "Yeah, where are we going anyway?"

"It's a surprise."

She smiled when she turned back around after locking her door to find Sam there ready with his arm out for her to link her arm through. "Such a gentleman." She couldn't help but tease him a little.

"I'm a man of many talents McNally. Gentleman is just the tip of the iceberg." Sam responded cockily.

Andy just shook her head, but her smile was firmly in place when he opened the passenger door and helped her inside. He walked quickly around the hood of the car and got in. Starting the engine he turned the heat up, after backing out of his parking spot and out on to the main room he reached across and taking her hand he laced their fingers and rested them on the center consol.

She stared down at their joined hands and grinned, "Still not going to tell me where we're going?"

"Nope."

They made small talk for another 10 minutes as Sam drove further into downtown. Both were carefully avoiding topics guaranteed to make them yell; her going undercover and him not trusting her. A few minutes later Sam pulled into a parking garage. He took her hand again as the exited the garage and began walking down the street; finally coming to a stop at the CN Tower. "What are we doing here?" She asked.

"Ever been to the top?" Sam shot her a grin as he pulled out a couple of observation deck tickets he bought earlier.

"No!" She said excitedly, "I've always wanted to though."

"Lets go."

They stepped into the elevator and were whisked speedily to the top of the building. When they exited the elevator Andy and Sam walked out on to the observation deck and stood staring out at the city. Taking her hand, Sam led her out on to the glass floor and together they looked down 1,222 ft to the ground. "I feel like we're on top of the world out here. Like nothing can touch us." Andy said wistfully.

"The city does seem awfully peaceful from up here." Sam commented, taking notice of the expression on her face.

"To bad, we know the truth." She smiled softly at him, "We see it every day. Live it every day."

"Hey, now." Sam grabbed her hands and pulled her to face him completely, "This was supposed to be fun."

"Sorry." She said sheepishly, "It is fun up here. Just made me think a little to hard I guess."

"What do I always tell you?"

"Not to over think it."

"And, what are you doing?" Sam slung an arm over her shoulder and they walked around the tower taking in the other angles.

"Over thinking it." She sighed and let him lead her around, "Won't happen again. Promise." She leaned into him, reveling in the feel of being in his arms.

They walked a little longer with Sam point out landmarks and Andy letting him. He seemed to get such a thrill about teaching her things.

"Now, wasn't there supposed to be food at this date?" Andy asked finally

Sam laughed, "Was wondering when you would remember that. I should have known better than to deprive you of food for to long."

They took the elevator back down and Sam led them down the street to a casual restaurant famous for their burgers. "You do know me well." Andy said after they had ordered, "I haven't had a good burger in forever."

"Yeah, you really don't get to eat very well undercover." Sam said without thinking.

An awkward silence fell over their table, thankfully their food soon after and both were focused on their burgers.

"I uh, might get to start patrolling a little soon." Andy said finally.

"Oh yeah?"

"Frank said I could start with just one shift a week for a while, and he'll probably have me on desk duty and book too eventually." Andy said.

"He probably just doesn't want to overwhelm you. Its a hard transition, especially when you haven't been on the job for very long before doing a UC op." Sam explained, "Actually, even when you have been on the force for a long time it doesn't make it easier. Think that's why I got stuck being someone's training officer." He looked at her pointedly.

"Stuck my ass! I was the best rookie you could have asked for." Andy scoffed

"You gave me pre-mature gray hair." He fired back.

"I kept you young and on your toes." She corrected, to which he rolled his eyes.

"Let's just agree to disagree on this one." Sam laughed.

"Fine." She took a pull from her beer, "So how was poker? Did you and Oliver clean Jerry out?"

Sam shook his head, "He didn't do to bad actually, but I still took them both down. But he is definitely getting better."

"Maybe you're finally rubbing off on him?"

"I think he just got tired of losing so much. He's probably been watching poker on TV to try and learn their tricks." Sam laughed, "It seems like a Jerry thing to do anyway."

"Sounds about right, from what Traci has said anyway." Andy agreed

They finished their food and beers and after Sam paid, they began the walk back to the car. It started to snow a little as they walked back. Andy leaned her head on Sam's shoulder as they stopped at a crosswalk and tilted her face up. "I love the snow." She sighed dreamily.

He put an arm around her and held her close, "Never would have guessed." He said sarcastically

"There's just something magical about it. I can't help it." She smiled up at him.

He leaned down and kissed her softly and at her questioning look he shrugged, "Couldn't help it."

Sam and Andy walked slowly back to the car despite the cold. He would never admit it, not really being a fan of winter himself (except for hockey season), but he was really enjoying holding her and walking in the snow. The look on her face was priceless. This was the calmest and happiest she had look since coming back.

When the arrived back at her apartment, he parked and hopped out, running around to open her car door and help her down. He led her back up to her apartment and waited as she unlocked the door. "I had a great time tonight Sam." She said turning to face him.

"Me too."

"You going to kiss me good night?" She asked quietly peering up at him a shy smile on her face.

"I was thinking about it." Sam grinned at her, "That ok?"

Andy just smiled and gripped the front of his jacket and pulled him in. They kissed innocently for a few moments, neither deepening it. The parted and smiled at each other. "What are you doing Sunday?" Sam asked suddenly.

"I think I'm working in the afternoon." Andy said

"Lets go to breakfast."

"OK. That sounds good." She leaned in once more to kiss him quickly. "Good night, Sam."

"Good night, Andy."


	25. Chapter 24

I'M SO SORRY! ...thank you all for your patience and support! I was completely struck down with writers block and then some crazy life transitions. This chapter really is just a filler; but I'm hoping to get some more for you soon! Hope you like it!

Chapter 24

3 Months Later

"I just don't feel like it should be this hard." Andy ran a hand through her hair in frustration. "I'm fully aware that what I did has made it hard for him to trust me. But, how can one decision mess everything up so bad. We were partners for a couple years before that. I've proven over and over that he could trust me and that all my decision are never done maliciously and right or wrong, I make them with the best intentions."

"Well, from what you've told me; it sounds more like he's afraid versus a lack of trust." Dr. Andrews said.

Despite her usual aversion to therapists, even she couldn't deny how crucial and important Dr. Andrews had been in getting Andy back to work and even though she technically was no longer required to see her, Andy decided to continue with the sessions.

Andy sighed, "But isn't that the same. He's afraid one day he'll wake up and I'm just gone with no word. Seems like a lack of trust to me."

"I think the fear clouds his judgment. And, if he didn't love you so much and want to get over his fear, he wouldn't have insisted you guys date." Dr. Andrews replied, "I know it's hard for you to understand his reaction sometimes because you know how hard you've been trying to make things right with him. But every time you get frustrated and upset with him, try and remember that he never stopped looking for you; he never gave up on you."

"That's true. And, I honestly think that part of the problem." Andy said

"What do you mean? Are you upset he never stopped looking?" The doctor asked

Andy shook her head, "Not exactly. The fact that he never stopped shows me that he really and truly loves me. But I feel so much guilt because of it and then he gets mad because he remembers what it felt like to search down every dead lead but then I think too he hates that I know that and then feel guilty all the time. Its like a never ending cycle."

Dr. Andrews smiled, "I think you both need to remember that it hasn't been that long and a lot changed while you were gone and even since you came back. Neither one of you is the same person you were before and you can't make these types of feelings go away overnight. I know it sounds very cliché, but time really does help and I really do believe that you two will be just fine."

Andy walked out of Dr. Andrews's office feeling slightly better than she had going in. Dr. Andrews had a point; she and Sam were dealing with a lot and it was going to take more than a couple months of dating for them to really move on.

After her appointment, she wandered around downtown aimlessly browsing through some of the boutiques. Before going undercover she had never been much of an emotional shopper but something about not being able to shop because all her money went to Damien and drugs now made her want to spend it on clothes and shoes and make-up. Her last stop was in a fancy lingerie store.

"Are you looking for something in particular?" The saleswoman asked

Andy gave her a small smile, "Um, I guess something for a special occasion?"

"Or a special someone?" The saleswoman nodded knowingly at Andy's blush.

Andy coughed, "We're really more casual people and I've never really been in to this stuff but I guess we could use a change."

The saleswoman wrapped a comforting arm around Andy's shoulders and steered her toward some racks in the back; "I think we'll be able to find a few things that won't be to far out of your comfort zone but will spice things up for you as well."

Despite herself, Andy found herself enjoying the time she spent in the lingerie store. The saleswoman was about 20 years older than she was and had the perfect combination of experience and a maternal ease that made Andy feel comfortable and confident in the selections that she made. Andy and Sam hadn't slept together since they started 'dating'. They hadn't even spent the night at each other's houses. If they were at Andy's then Sam would drive home, no matter what time it was and if they were at Sam's, he would insist on driving her home; again, no matter what time it was. She found it ridiculous but he insisted.

They had come close to consummating their relationship a few times; but Sam had always found the will power to stop and quite frankly it was pissing her off. She knew that he was forcing them to go slow because sex had always come easy for them. Their attraction and passion with each other was undeniable and he didn't want them to fall in to a trap of no communication; But enough was enough.

"Come out Andy! You've been in the bathroom for like a hour." Gail whined, taking a big gulp of her wine and winking at Traci who was sitting next to her on Andy's bed.

"It's been 5 minutes." Andy said through the closed bathroom door.

"Let us see." Traci chimed in with Gail's whining.

They were met with silence. Traci shot Gail a look and set her wine glass down on the nightstand as she stood up and walked over to the bathroom; "Andy? Are you OK?"

The door slowly opened, and they heard Andy let out a sigh, "I'm fine. I just feel stupid. How pathetic am I to have to dress like this to get my freaking boyfriend to want to have sex with me?" She stood in front of them with one hand on her hip and the other clutching her wine glass and taking a big swig.

Gail's mouth dropped open, "Holy crap; if Swarek doesn't do you, I will!"

The three girls laughed. Traci looked her up and down, "Seriously Andy, you look amazing."

"And, not pathetic." Gail added

Traci shook her head, "Not pathetic at all. You know that the issue isn't him wanting you. Jerry said Sam has been in the gym boxing up a storm every day so we know he is having to relieve his 'frustration' someway, so obviously wanting clearly has nothing to do with it."

"We've been over this a million times and you guys have talked about it." Gail said, "You know that you both agreed to take things slow and work on your communication and to trust each other again. " She smiled then, "But, its been three months...its time to get laid."

"So what, I just show up at his house wearing nothing but this, a trench coat and stilettos? Will that even work? How is that natural?" Andy questioned

"The only thing natural about it; is that it's literally the fantasy of every straight man." Gail responded. At the look Andy gave her, Gail pulled out her phone, "Don't believe me?" She asked as she dialed, "Hey Chris, are you with Dov?" At their positive response she put the phone n speaker, "Outside of the princess Laia in the gold bikini fantasy; what is your top fantasy?"

"High heels and a trench coat." They said together as if it was obvious.

"Thanks." Gail hung up the phone and looked at Andy and Traci, "See! I'll forever be convinced that Swarek is gay if he doesn't jump you as soon as you pull off that coat and he sees what's underneath."

Andy smiled and pulled a robe on over the bra, panty and garter set she was wearing. "Believe me, there is nothing gay about Sam Swarek. God, he just..." She trailed off with a shiver.

"Yeah, we got it." Traci said waving her hand. "So you are working a double tomorrow?"

Andy shook her head, "Sort of, I'm going in around 1pm to finalize a sting with Boyd and then I'll be in the van for the op. But depending on how long it takes to get people debriefed; I could be there all night. But, then I have the rest of that day and the next two off." She walked into the kitchen with the girls following behind and filled their wine glasses, "Sam is working that first day but he said he was going to shower at the station and then come get me for dinner. Which doesn't work at all for my plan, so I "accidentally" lost my sweater under his couch when I was over last night. And, I'm going to call him before his ends to tell him I need it to wear so he'll hopefully go home first and I'm going to surprise him there. Kind of a shock and awe kind of attack." She giggled then, showing just how much wine she had consumed since first trying on her lingerie options for Gail and Traci a couple hours ago. "I'm going to bring a lot of food with me too because Sam and I will both have the next two days off and I'm really hoping we don't leave his bed." The girls laughed together.

"How did you accidently lose your sweater under his couch?" Traci asked

"We were watching some movie on TV. We thought it was like a action/adventure type movie from the description." She blushed

"And, it wasn't?" Gail asked trying not to laugh at her friend's blush from the memory

"Oh, it was." Andy laughed, "Just action/adventure with a lot of steamy sex scenes."

Traci and Gail burst out laughing at the picture in their minds and Sam and Andy thinking they were going to be watching a safe action movie and instead finding themselves turned on by the sex scenes.

"It was a little ways in to the movie before the first one, so we really didn't think much of the story line at first. We sat awkwardly through the first and second one, like completely not touching each other at all. But, then the third one came on and then a fourth and just when you think that there couldn't possibly be another one, there was." Andy shook her head at the stupidity of the situation.

"Why didn't you just turn it off?" Traci asked

Andy laughed, "Honestly, I think that may have been what Sam was trying to do, but when he reached across me to get the remote off the end table, I got a whiff of him - all freshly showered and manly - and I just couldn't take it. I grabbed his hand before he could get the remote and pulled him to me and we'll just say things were pretty intense for a while. Articles of clothing were thrown and it wasn't until we accidentally knocked over a lamp did he stop us. I guess the noise brought him back to reality and reminded him that we were supposed to go slow." She sighed frustrated, "So that left me taking a cold shower when I got home. Asshole."

"And, that's when you lost your sweater?"

"Nope." Andy laughed, "But that's when I got the idea. That was like three weeks ago and we've hardly been alone in private since. He needed to stop at home yesterday before we went to the penny and while he was in his room I kicked it partially under the couch. He's been pretty busy, so I'm pretty sure he hasn't noticed it yet."

"Well played." Gail said, "I'm impressed."

"Fingers crossed it works. I haven't exactly been a joy to work with lately and I know the guys in guns and gangs and been complaining a little." Andy laughed slightly embarrassed.

"I think it will work out exactly how you want it to. But lets cheers for good luck." Traci raised her glass and the other two girls followed suit.

"Cheers."


End file.
